


you're ripped at every edge, but you're a masterpiece

by Valentia



Series: Half Moon [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 18-Year-Old Harry Styles, 21-Year-Old Louis Tomlinson, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Anxious Harry, Art Student Zayn, Awkwardness, Blow Jobs, Body Worship, Bottom Harry, Caring Louis Tomlinson, Character Development, Clumsy Harry, Come Eating, Come Swallowing, Coming In Pants, Consensual, Crush at First Sight, Crushes, Crying Harry, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute Harry, Daddy Kink, Dandelions, Dirty Talk, Dom Louis, Dom/sub Undertones, Drama Student Louis, Dry Humping, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, English Student Harry Styles, English Student Niall, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Feminine Harry, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Flower Crowns, Fluff, Gay Sex, Happy Ending, Harry in Panties, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Insecure Harry, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Jealous Louis, Jealousy, Kink Discovery, Kink Exploration, Kink Negotiation, Kissing, Light Angst, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, Love Bites, Love Confessions, M/M, Marking, Masturbation, Nail Polish, Neck Kissing, Niall Horan & Harry Styles Friendship, Oral Sex, Panty Kink, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Pet Names, Photography, Pining, Praise Kink, Public Display of Affection, Rimming, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sex Toys, Sexual Tension, Shaving, Shy Harry, Smut, Social Anxiety, Sub Harry, Supportive Gemma, Supportive Niall, Top Louis, Trust Issues, Zayn Malik & Louis Tomlinson Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 09:09:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 50,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14257632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valentia/pseuds/Valentia
Summary: Harry Styles knows he's weird. He likes girly things like flowers and the colour pink and painting his nails and he doesn't have any friends. But he understands that because how could someone like him if he doesn't even like himself? It's his first semester at uni and really, he just hopes the horrors of his past won't repeat themselves.Louis Tomlinson has been a uni student for a while now with a rule of not dating new students. He still helps Harry find his way to his first class, though. He's also really sweet and really hot and Harry knows it won't end well, but it doesn't keep him from falling for Louis anyway.Or: The one where Harry is soft and pretty but doesn't see it and Louis just wants to love him the way he deserves.





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> **[ Before we start: The sequel of this story has been uploaded and can be found[here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16275995). ]**
> 
>  
> 
> !! PLEASE READ ALL NOTES !!
> 
> Hello everyone!
> 
> So, this story exists now. Finished. Which is something I honestly didn't ever see happening. So thank the Lord or whoever is there for giving me enough energy. I owe you.
> 
> This story was initially inspired, and I use that term very loosely because my story is still so different, by the Strawberry Milk Fic, which is a story that made me cry uncontrollably. And when I finished it I just thought that's the kind of story I'd like to write, too. So this is why this story exists, kind of. The other reason why this story exists is because the only way I can ever cope with bad experiences or issues or memories is fanfiction. So yeah, this story isn't really based on personal experiences, but there's a lot of me in there. All I'm saying with that is: Please don't be too harsh on me in case you think it's shit. Which is totally fine, you can not like the story, but then I'd rather have critical rational feedback and not just hate, okay? We can all treat people with kindess here. <3
> 
> I posted this story in a series because I really feel like there's a lot more to Harry and Louis' story than I've told in this story, but I can't promise I'm ever going to write a sequel. I just wanted to leave the possibility open.
> 
> I also need to thank a few people. I want to thank my friends on Instagram who have read and reviewed my story before anyone else and who have given me incredibly helpful feedback. You made me realise that a story like this isn't just finished after four days and that it needs a lot more than just the recalling of events that happen. So thank you for that.
> 
> I wanted to write a story about a topic that hasn't been portrayed in fanfiction very often. We read a lot of stories about recovery - recovery from abuse, physical or mental - and these stories are so healing and so important, but there is the opposite side of it as well. Sometimes anxieties and fear and self-hatred don't come from active abuse, but passive abuse. And I'm not talking about verbal abuse, I'm talking about the simple fact that some people who deserve to be loved wholly, people who are perfect but fragile, they don't get the love they crave. It can be just as destructive, life-ruining, coming to a point where you ask yourself "What is wrong with me that no one ever loves me this way?" A lot of hurt and pain can come from being alone and especially in a society like today where the media and everyone else tell us that the only important thing in life is romance it can be hard to be the only one in a group of friends who has never been kissed, never been touched, never experienced physical love. If no one wants to be with you, that is something that can bring forth the worst anxieties as well, because you think the fault lies in yourself and you can't ever change that. This is what I want to talk to you about in this story. Being unwanted is one of the most destructive things that can happen to an already fragile, loving person. Once you actually start believing that you are unlovable, it takes so much time and someone very very special to help you get through it, to see your own worth again and to stop being afraid of constant rejection. But it will happen. You are not unloved. And I hope this story can help you see that.
> 
> I wrote this story mostly for myself, but part of it is for you guys out there. Especially for those of you who will see themselves in Harry. For all of you who have never been treated the way they deserve and for those of you who have so much love in them but no one to give it to. For those of you who are afraid of letting people in in fear of them eventually leaving. It's about learning to love yourself, learning to be okay with your faults and imperfections because it's okay to not like things about yourself. That doesn't mean you're anything less than perfect.
> 
> Lastly, I want to mention that I am no a native speaker, so excuse any mistakes. With 50k words it's hard to say "Please point mistakes out to me", but I'm still going to say it. Just in case you find anything severe and feel like telling me about it, that would be very kind, thank you. I may be studying English, but there's always room to improve.
> 
> The title of the story is stolen from the song [Colors by Halsey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGulAZnnTKA). 10/10 recommend.
> 
> Now, have fun reading. At least I hope you'll have fun. And if you don't I hope it's because of the storyline and not because you don't like the story in general. Uh, you know what I mean. Read away!
> 
> Love, Valentia xx

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Louis meet. Feelings evolve while Harry is struggling with himself.

Harry's hands were trembling as he walked up the few stairs to the building's main entrance. He was surrounded by students mostly older than him, people in their second, third, or fourth semester, and Harry felt their eyes on him. Even if they probably didn't even notice him. It was just a normal feeling by now.

The campus was loud and busy already, even though it wasn't 9 o'clock yet. It made him feel a bit uncomfortable. He preferred silence and being alone, but on his way to uni he had already been shouted at by at least three different people. They either wanted to sell him the university's newspaper or talk him into a side job. Harry had just ran past them, pretending not to notice them. He spent a lot of his time trying to blend in and mostly he managed to drown in the crowd just fine when he was out, but uni seemed to be different than school. Which was scary because Harry was afraid of changes of any kind, uncomfortable whenever he needed to get out of his comfort zone.

As he walked up the stairs he heard two girls next to him talk about the “newbies”. He assumed they meant students like him: first semesters who had their first day of uni today. He tried not to pay attention, but the girls' voices were loud and he couldn't help but overhear.

“Those newbies are horrible,” the first girl sighed. “They walk and then suddenly they stop because they don't know their way. I almost knocked one over the other day. God, how hard can it be to use a map? They literally hand those around at every corner.”

“Don't be so hard on them,” the second girl replied, “we were newbies once, too. Bet we weren't better.”

The first girl groaned in agony. “Yeah, but we weren't _that_ bad.”

Then they were at the top of the stairs and the girls turned right and were gone. Harry felt how he was clawing at the ends of his hoodie, pressing his fingernails into his palms even through the fabric. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to remember which way he had to go. But he couldn't. Of course he couldn't. His memory was horrible, even worse under pressure. It made him blush. Then he looked around, careful to make sure no one was really paying attention to him, before he got his map out. The room that he needed to find must have been on one of the pages. Just... somewhere...

“Hey, do you need help?”

At first Harry didn't realise that the voice was talking to him. Normally, no one really sought a conversation with him, so he was surprised when the voice added, “You, Curly. You need help finding a room?”

Harry looked up and almost dropped his map. The boy that was talking to him was already standing right in front of him. He was wearing blue washed out jeans and a black t-shirt, which, at second look, appeared to be a _The Script_ shirt. Harry felt a wave of sympathy for the boy. _The Script_ was one of his favourite bands.

“When you're done staring at my shirt, Curly, I might help you find your room.”

Harry blushed and his eyes were fixed on his shoes. He felt intimidated. For a second he considered telling the boy about his love for the band, but then decided against it. The boy surely wouldn't care and Harry was horrible at small talk anyway. Any kind of talk, really.

Harry didn't want to look up at him now that he'd stared at him for so long and made a fool out of himself. A wave of embarrassment crashed down on him, heating up his pink cheeks. His hands automatically clenched and he crumpled his map in the process. He was really just waiting for the boy to turn around and leave now. He didn't. Instead Harry felt someone take the map out of his hand. Once he looked up his eyes went wide as he saw the boy's face for the first time.

Because oh. _Oh._ He felt his heart do a flip. That boy was _gorgeous_. The most handsome man Harry had seen in a long, long time. He had prominent cheekbones with a sharp jawline, bright blue eyes, thin lips and soft brown hair with a fringe that fell in his face. Oh God. Harry realised that the boy was an inch or two shorter than him and he looked away as the boy tried to return his gaze. He swallowed.

“Where do you need to go, love?” the boy asked and oh, his voice sent shivers down Harry's spine.

Harry cleared his throat. “Um, I think, uh, I think I have to go, like, uh, I- I don't really know, uh...”

He stared down at his feet and felt another wave of embarrassment redden his face. Of course his memory would betray him in front of this gorgeous man. Harry's nails were digging into his palms so hard it was painful, but he didn't dare to look up at the boy again. Why did he always have to make any social interaction awkward? He hated himself enough already, especially because the boy was so kind to help him and he just made it weird for the both of them.

“Hey, it's alright,” the boy said then and even though Harry couldn't see, he could hear a smile in his voice. “First day, yeah? You're one of the newbies?”

Harry nodded and a few more of his curls fell into his face which he then brushed aside. He'd always had a habit of playing with his hair, ever since he was a child, and when he grew up it had turned into some sort of compulsion. Especially when he was anxious.

“It's alright, don't worry 'bout it. Don't think I've done better my first day.” When Harry didn't respond, the boy's voice softened. “Here, look. You're probably here for the welcome ceremony, so you need to find the main auditorium. It's not hard to find, really. I can show you on the map, look.”

Harry raised his head enough to watch the boy's finger as it moved over the map to show him the way. The boy was tanned, even though there never was a lot of sun in this part of England, which made Harry suspect that he wasn't from here either. He had tattoos all over his arms and wrist and even on two of his fingers. 2 and 8. Harry wondered what they meant. The boy had a thick accent, too, he realised as he listened to his explanations, but Harry liked it. A lot.

“... And then you just turn right, or left, there are two entrances, and go to the end of the corridor and you should be good.”

The boy gave Harry his map back and Harry quickly busied himself with folding it back together so he didn't have to look at him. “Thank you,” he mumbled, face heating up again.

“Yeah, no problem, love. We all have our first day.”

Harry shivered at the nickname. He liked how it sounded out of his mouth and he liked being called that by a fit boy like him. But then again, he probably called everyone that. Maybe it was just a thing from his home town or something.

Harry nodded and fixed his fringe, hoping the boy would just say goodbye and leave. But when he looked up again he was still there, eyeing him with a small smile that Harry couldn't really decipher.

“I should, um, I think I should go now, I'm sorry, um...” Harry stumbled over his own words. And what was he even apologizing for? He hid his hands in his hoodie and tried not to blush again, but failed miserably.

He heard the boy chuckle. “Yeah, sure, love, you should probably go now. Have a nice first day, yeah? Don't let older semesters like me make too much fun of you.”

He winked at Harry and with a last “Bye, Curly” he turned around and left Harry standing there right in the middle of the entrance hall like they'd just had some sort of scene. Harry kept staring at the boy as he walked away. It was only when the boy turned around one last time to smile at him that Harry quickly turned his head to change his focus. There were goosebumps all over his skin.

Once the boy was really gone, Harry sighed and shook his head. “I really like your shirt,” he muttered to himself before he glanced back at the place where the boy had last been, but, of course, he wouldn't just magically appear again. Harry stared at the wall for a few seconds, then he felt some guy accidentally brush his arm, which brought him back to reality. He pulled out the map that was now significantly more crumpled than fifteen minutes ago and stared at it. And yeah, great, he hadn't even paid attention to what the boy had explained.

Ten minutes later and fortunately still on time for the ceremony, Harry found his destination. Luckily for him, there had been a sign at almost every wall pointing him towards the auditorium, so he hadn't been completely lost. He slipped into the lecture hall between all the other students and went to find a place far in the back. The last row was completely occupied, but there was still the place at the aisle in the row before that. Without shooting the person next to him a look he placed his bag under his chair and sat down. For the first time since he had left his little flat this morning he took a deep breath. His heart was still beating fast, but now that he was there, not too late, not having tripped over his own feet, not being catcalled by some idiots, there was an incredibly heavy weight lifted off his shoulders. He had managed the first step of his new life without ruining anything yet. He would be fine.

As they were waiting for the professor to arrive Harry thought back to the nice, gorgeous boy that had been so kind as to explain him the way. He could feel himself blush again. That boy must have thought of him as a complete idiot; an idiot that wasn't even able to form a single full sentence. Harry fixed his fringe yet again. It was part of the habit from his childhood that had stuck, something he always did when he was nervous or embarrassed. Then, he took out his pen and paper, just in case they had to take notes. As he put it on his desk though he looked around and realised that barely anyone else had anything on their desk. Well, except for their phones. So Harry put his stuff back in his bag. He didn't want to appear over-motivated or like some... freak. No, he was determined to do it right this time.

It didn't take long after that for the professor to come in and the ceremony to begin. When they eventually did have to take notes, Harry pulled out his pencil case and felt himself blush as soon as he realised that he was the only one in his row who even had something like that. Everyone else just had a single pen or two. He swallowed and silently took a pen out of his case, sinking deeper into his seat and feeling himself sweat under his hoodie. It was hard to resist the urge to fix his fringe, but he managed. Instead he concentrated on what the professor was saying. When Harry started to write he could see the half moon shaped marks from his fingernails burn red on the skin of his palms.

After the ceremony there was breakfast for everyone. Each subject had their own tutors and room assigned. Harry and his apparently fellow students followed a girl and a boy that were holding up a sign with a British and American flag on it, which Harry suspected was supposed to resemble the English department. He didn't talk to anyone. Instead he tried to remember the way, so he would find his way back out again, but he knew he had a horrible sense of direction and would probably have to ask at least three people on the way back. He felt his cheeks burn just thinking about it.

The room they were gathering in wasn't too big and looked a lot like one of his old class rooms, except the tables were arranged in a square. He swallowed. He hated this sort of arrangement, it was just an invitation for everyone to stare at him. He would much rather just sit down in the back of the room, not feeling someone's burning stare on the back of his neck.

Harry sat down near the door between two girls who looked friendly and focussed on the breakfast that was scattered all over the many tables. The tutors told them to have a go at it, but Harry waited until the bread was eventually passed to him. He didn't want to shout across the tables to ask for it, even though he was starving. He skipped the butter, since it was too far away as well, and just put on the jam that was right in front of him. It was strawberry, so it was just fine. A pot of coffee was passed around, but he just gave it to the next person. He didn't drink coffee, it made him having to pee too often and he really didn't like leaving in the middle of a lecture to go to the bathroom. He showered each morning though, so that was as good as coffee when it came to waking up.

The tutors told them a bit more about their subject, what they had planned, what was obligatory and all those things. But Harry had already read the student guide three times, so he knew what was coming for him. He was excited, yes, but still scared. Just half a year ago, when he had lived at home with his mum, his stepdad and his sister Gemma, he had always been able to go ask them about stuff. Gemma, who was a year older than him, always knew how to calm him down.

Now though, he was all alone in a new city where he didn't know anyone. He didn't know who to ask for help when it came to university stuff. He was afraid of missing important dates, lectures, of being late to class because he couldn't find the hall, afraid of not being properly prepared. He had barely slept an hour this night and he remembered how he had tried to cover up the dark circles around his eyes with a bit of make-up. It didn't really help though and he didn't want to put too much on, in case it would show and people would make fun of it. He had just wanted to look good for his first day, so he would made a good impression.

An hour later he was on his way home and let out a sigh, pushing up the sleeves of his hoodie a bit. He had made it through his first day of uni. And the best thing about it, no one seemed to hate him yet. No one had paid attention to him. Except for the gorgeous boy of course. Which, yeah, made Harry still blush.

His flat was quite close to the inner-city, but still far away enough so that he didn't have to hear all the drunks shout nonsense at night. He had two rooms, a living room with a mini kitchen in the corner and a bedroom, plus a bathroom with a tub that could also be used as a shower. He was happy he had the latter because he loved taking long baths until his skin was wrinkled and he didn't see the marks on his skin anymore.

As he walked up the stairs to the third floor where his flat was he passed a little girl that was waiting for her mum to lock the door. She smiled up at Harry as she saw him.

“Hi,” she said and waved at him. Harry mouthed back “Hello” and returned the gesture. He gave her a smile as well, then went up the last few stairs.

The girl started pulling on her mum's leg as Harry reached his door. The door bell nameplate still spelled the name of the person who lived there before him. He didn't really know how to open it to put a piece of paper with his own name on it, but he didn't have a lot of visitors anyway. None actually except his parents and sister and they had been looking at the flat with him so they knew where he lived. Maybe he would ask Robin, his stepdad, to help him next time they all came to visit.

The living room was painted in a very light blue, almost grey, except for the part where the kitchen was. There the wall was just white to match the tiles above the counter. On the right there was a sofa with the back facing towards Harry, Gemma's old tiny flat screen TV standing at the wall opposite to it. The kitchen was in the back at the right side, and at the left side there was a tiny table with four chairs around it. Next to it on the left side near the door were a cupboard and the place to hang his jacket and put his shoes. Lastly, between the table and the cupboard were two doors, one to the bathroom and one to his bedroom. He didn't have a balcony, but that was alright. He had rather big windows that he could open if he needed some air and he didn't smoke anyway.

Harry placed his keys on the little side table next to the door and put his bag down. He frowned at the state of the little pink rose on the table. It was already losing a few petals and he needed to get a new one soon. Ever since he could remember he had collected flowers and placed them around the house. His mum had always planted different sorts each year and she had scolded him quite a few times for plucking them to make himself a flower crown. Once he had been older he hadn't touched his mum's flowers anymore, instead bought himself some to decorate his room and now his flat. They smelled sweet and looked pretty and delicate and back in Holmes Chapel he had loved taking pictures of them on the wide fields.

Harry went to the bathroom, then decided to catch up with a few YouTube videos and his favourite Tumblr blogs. He loved the Internet, it was his happy place. He had met a lot of very nice and kind people on there and no one judged him for who he was. Of course, there were also mean people, but it was easy to just block their accounts or report them or delete their messages. Easy to forget about them. Something Harry was entirely unable to do in real life.

As he plopped down on his pastel pink bedding he grabbed the laptop from the bed stand and started watching the first video on his feed, a tutorial on how to braid flower crowns. Over the years he had gotten pretty good at making them, but there was always room to improve. Plus, not every flower was the same and it was a challenge each time. While watching the video he decided he definitely needed to braid one again soon.

Harry ended up spending half an hour on watching different tutorials on flower crowns before he had enough and changed to some funnier videos. He found a funny moments video of his favourite singer that he hadn't watched yet, but he had to stop halfway through and shut his laptop. The feelings were just getting a bit too overwhelming. Okay, so maybe he had a massive crush on Liam Payne, so what? He was hot, but also nice and caring and funny and smart and tall and... straight. Harry sighed.

The sun was already hanging low when Harry finished lunch a few hours later. Or was it dinner? It was five o'clock, so probably dinner. He knew he would most likely be hungry again by ten, but his mum had given him at least a month worth of his favourite chocolate as a last goodbye, so he thought he'd be alright.

After he finished his spaghetti and washed the dishes he went back to the bedroom. There was a rather big desk in front of the window and on the right side of it he had put his book shelf, but most of it was something else than books. CDs, DVDs, souvenirs, a framed autograph of Liam Payne, some folders from school and a box with all his Polaroid pictures that he'd taken last summer with the camera his mum had given him for his birthday. He really had a secret love for photography. He didn't engage in it too often, but back home he had sometimes taken it with him on a walk and photographed not only flowers but everything else that was pretty or that Harry deemed a good subject. But here in this new big city there weren't many pretty things to take pictures of. (Except maybe that gorgeous boy and yes, maybe Harry had a hard time keeping the thought of him out of his mind.)

One part of his book shelf though was reserved for something entirely different. Harry went up to it and stared down at the different colours and shades and thought about which one he wanted today. He looked at his bedding and thought he would just go with the usual, his favourite colour, a light pastel pink that complimented his lips and eyes and made him feel pretty.

After years of practice he had gotten quite good at applying said nail polish, even with his left hand. Once he was happy with his result, he blew air on his fingertips to make the nail polish dry quicker and grabbed his phone to carefully text his mum a few words about his first day. She answered with a lot more happy smileys than were appropriate, but Harry just grinned. He loved his mum so much. And his sister. They had always made him feel safe and normal, even when everyone else called him something ugly or when... No, he'd rather not think about it.

Harry wanted to put on some music and as he skipped through the different CDs his eyes found his favourite album by _The Script_. That boy in the hall this morning came back to his mind and he smiled. He really had been gorgeous, and Harry wished he'd had the courage to tell him how much he liked his shirt. Harry put the CD in the player on his desk and lay down on his bed, burying his face in the pillow that smelled like a field of flowers. His big hoodie enveloped him like a blanket.

As he closed his eyes just for a while, he allowed himself to think about that boy with the nice smile and fringe and nicknames. If Harry'd just had the courage, maybe he would have looked for him on campus and, if he'd been bold, maybe even asked him out on a date. But he was Harry Styles and he knew the boy would never say yes anyway. No boy would ever say yes ever again.

It was his alarm clock that woke him up the next morning. It was beeping loudly and basically tore Harry from his sleep. He blinked and squinted against the few rays of sunlight falling into the room at this time of the day before he realised where he was and what had happened. And oh no. He had fallen asleep on his bed listening to _The Script_. One glance at the still running CD player confirmed his assumption. Next thing he did was check the time on his alarm clock, which was still beeping and said 7am, and then it hit Harry like a truck. Oh no. He had overslept.

Harry practically bashed the sleep button on his alarm clock and almost fell out of bed. He was still wearing his clothes from yesterday and he could already feel the marks that his jeans had left all over his belly as he'd been sleeping on it. Oh God, why was he such an idiot? Now he only had half an hour to get ready instead of one and a half, since today he would have his first lecture and it would start at eight. Great, so it was either taking a shower _or_ having breakfast. Harry decided for the former. He could just get breakfast after his first lecture. There must be some sort of bakery or something at or around the campus, right? Even if that meant he'd have to ask a stranger for the way.

Harry left his clothes like a short trail of breadcrumbs behind himself as he stripped on his way to the bathroom, successfully tripping over his own feet while trying to push his pants off. He jumped into the shower, not even waiting for the water to get warm, and grabbed the shampoo. Once he was out of the shower he quickly dried his skin and was glad he didn't slip on the tiles while jumping out. Droplets of water flew from his hair as he ran back to get his clothes, then brushed his teeth.

Luckily he was only two minutes behind his schedule as he grabbed his phone from the bed stand – battery to his frustration only at 28% – and his keys from the table. His heart was pounding fast as he rushed down the stairs, taking two steps at a time and jumping down the last two or three at each turn. The worst thing that could happen to him was being late to his first lecture. He wanted to spare himself the embarrassment (and the professor's possible anger).

Thankfully his lecture was in one of the other few bigger lecture halls in the main building, so he could rely on signs on the wall to point his way. He didn't want to think about his lectures in smaller rooms with fewer people. Not only would the professor and everyone else eventually notice him, but he also didn't think he could find his way there alone.

The students were just about to enter the room as Harry arrived, his legs hurting from walking too fast all the way (he didn't dare to run, that would have made him look like an idiot). There were still ten minutes on the clock though, so he guessed someone just let them in. He was proven right when he didn't see the professor anywhere, so he sat down in the last row and let out a sigh. He did good this morning.

Sitting down helped him calm down and he felt himself relax. He glanced around the room, seeing two girls fight with someone over a spare seat, another boy tossing a paper plane across the room, and another girl having trouble getting past the narrow aisles to get to a spare seat in the middle of a row. Everything seemed to be fine for just a moment.

Until he noticed _it._ Just as he was about to take a sip from his water bottle, he spotted the pink colour on his fingers. The nail polish. He had forgotten to remove it. And oh, no, please, no. Harry immediately felt his cheeks turn bright red and he was sweating and his stomach turned. _No, no, they can't see it._ No one could see it. Usually he took it off before going to bed, it was just to make him feel pretty for a few hours, but last night he hadn't planned to fall asleep so fast. And now, what was he supposed to do? He couldn't try to peel it off, not all ten fingers, that would just draw attention to what he was doing.

He shivered. He knew that there was nothing he could do about it now, and the thought of having to sit through an entire day of uni, his first day, with pastel pink nail polish on made him sick. So sick that he considered just leaving again. That's what he probably should do. Just go home again, get the nail polish off, and then come back for the rest of the lectures. That way he would even have time to have a proper breakfast. But he couldn't do that. No. He knew he couldn't. They probably said a lot of important things in the first lecture of the semester and he couldn't miss this. But _oh God._

By the time the professor came in, Harry had resigned to pulling his hoodie down as far as possible, his pencil case right at the top of his notepad to hide his fingers behind. His cheeks were still tinted pink and it was so hard not to fix his fringe out of nervousness, especially since a few strands of hair actually fell uncomfortably in his eyes. But he couldn't do that. Because they might just _see._

As long as they didn't have to write anything down Harry had his hands in his lap, gripping the hem of his hoodie to keep himself from burying his nails in his palms. He felt like he was on display for everyone, felt like if he did one single wrong move everyone would see and make fun of him again. He could feel his eyes start to water, but was determined to keep it together. He could do this. There were so many people, surely no one would notice that one shy boy sitting there in the back, right? Every time Harry wanted to take a note he made sure the guy sitting a few seats left from him didn't look at him. Thankfully he never did. Harry's notes were messy and incomplete, but it was the best he could do.

At the end of the lecture he waited until his entire row and the row in front of him were clear before he started packing his own stuff. He put his hands in his pockets as soon as he left the hall and just followed the other students outside. Instead of finding something to eat he just went straight back home since he had the next period free. He didn't hold on to anything in the tube, too scared people could notice the nail polish, and he turned even redder when he was tossed against a tall man as the tube stopped abruptly. He mumbled an apology, but still kept his hands in his pockets.

He made it home without any further incidences. As soon as he was in his bedroom, he grabbed the nail polish remover, some cotton pads and started removing the nail polish. He scrubbed harder than would have been necessary, using too much liquid so it spilled all over his hand and desk and sweater. But he didn't care. He just needed to get it _off off off._ He only realised he was crying as the first tear dripped down onto his colourless nails.

Harry had to physically force himself to leave his bedroom after getting rid of all the nail polish. His pillow was significantly wetter and saltier than before, but he was still incredibly hungry and he had to go back for the last two lectures. He checked himself in the bathroom mirror. To be honest he'd looked worse after crying before. So he just grabbed his bag and keys before leaving. Once he had gotten himself a croissant and a chocolate chip cookie at the bakery near his flat he took the tube back to uni. Holding on to the door, he realised he had missed a tiny spot of pink nail polish on his left pinkie and quickly scraped it off before anyone could see.

As he walked up the stairs to the main entrance at uni he checked the time on his phone and saw that he was still way too early. He had 40 minutes left until his lecture started at 12 o'clock. He sighed. Today was jinxed. Looking around, he saw students sitting on the grass and under the trees around the building and decided he would just do the same and maybe get his earphones out and finally catch up with Tumblr. Most trees were already occupied though and it took him a few minutes to find one that was free, but when he did he sat down beneath it, his back resting against the wood.

It was April, still not too warm, but not too cold either, and it was nice to be able to just sit there and breathe in fresh air. Back in Holmes Chapel there was a lot of nature, forests, fields, a little stream near their house where he had gone almost every day in summer, but this new city was way too big for that. Sure, there were a few parks, but there were always people around and Harry much rather preferred to be alone. It was sad though because he had always loved nature. The freedom and beauty of it was what intrigued him. Sadly humanity seemed to have a thing for destroying everything that was pretty and vulnerable.

Harry had just settled comfortably and was starting Tumblr as he heard a familiar voice shout his name. Well, not really his name.

“Curly!”

Harry was startled and dropped his phone onto his lap as a person stepped into the shadow of the tree. He looked up and almost forgot how to breathe as he realised that it was the gorgeous boy with his _The Script_ shirt. He wasn't wearing that today, instead a white shirt with a dark blue jacket, but if anything it only made him even more beautiful, complimenting his eyes. He smiled down at Harry and Harry didn't know what to do.

“Hi,” the boy said as he didn't respond and Harry could already feel the blush creeping up his neck.

“Oh, um, hi,” he smiled back, quickly dropping his gaze to the grass, absentmindedly plucking a few blades.

“Do you mind if I join you?” Harry must have looked worried because the boy's face softened as he added, “My mates all have a lecture right now, stupid new schedules, and I'm honestly a really nice guy if you just get to know me.”

He obviously meant it as a joke, but before Harry could keep himself from it he blurted out, “You're really very nice.” As soon as he'd said it, he lifted his hands to cover his mouth, but then dropped them again just as quick. He was an idiot. And oh, his cheeks must be so pink by now.

The boy just laughed. “Well, thank you. My sisters would surely disagree though.” He winked and Harry's heart just did a double flip.

“So, mind if I sit?”

Harry just shook his head, then nodded, not really knowing which one of the two would get the point across. He grabbed his bag and put it at his feet, so the boy could sit down next to him.

“You're not one for small talk, right? So might as well skip that.”

Harry smiled shyly at him. He wasn't one for talking, period.

“It's fine, just nice actually. My best mate can really chew my ear off sometimes, it's nice to just not talk every once in a while.”

Harry just nodded. And God, how much he loved that accent.

“'m Louis by the way,” he said, holding out his hand, but then taking it back as Harry didn't grab it.

He wanted to grab it, it was just, he couldn't really focus on anything right now. His heart was still pounding too fast as he was trying not to make a fool out of himself – at which he obviously failed.

Louis just chuckled. “I can call you Curly for the rest of your life, I don't mind, but I'd like to know your name, too.”

“Harry,” he said, then added, “Styles. Um, if that's important.” He blushed again.

Louis grinned. “Harry, huh? Are you a royal prince as well then?”

Harry just shook his head. He'd rather not tell Louis that if he had to choose, he'd rather be a princess than a prince. When he had been little, he had loved watching princess movies with his sister, but his mum wouldn't let him dress up as one for Halloween. Of course, he wasn't mad anymore, instead he was glad because that way no one could make fun of him. But he sometimes still wished he could be one, even if just to look pretty and have a beautiful handsome prince at his side. But that was something he was ashamed of and would never tell anyone, especially not a guy like Louis.

“Tomlinson is my name. Louis Tomlinson. Middle name won't be told until the third date.”

Louis laughed, but Harry just felt his heart stop. He knew it was a joke, but... he didn't cope well with a guy like Louis making jokes about dates with a guy like Harry.

Louis must have noticed the change in his demeanour because he quickly added, “Just a joke, love. I don't date newbies.”

He smiled and Harry forced himself to smile, too, so it wouldn't be too awkward, or at least not more awkward than it already was.

It was silent, but then in a moment of confidence Harry blurted out, “I like your shirt.”

He immediately regretting saying it as Louis' brows furrowed and he looked down at himself. “Well, I guess it's a very special shade of white, isn't it?”

Harry wished a hole would open up beneath him and just swallow him whole. “No, I mean, um, the one you wore yesterday, _The Script_.”

Louis' eyes lit up. “Oh yeah, that one! It's one of my favourites, and the band is one of my favourites, too!”

Harry smiled a bit. “Mine as well. Even went to a concert last summer in Manchester.”

“Really? Me too! Same concert.” He was grinning wide now and Harry thought he had the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.

Silence fell over them and Louis didn't ask any more questions, instead just got out his phone and earphones and started listening to what Harry could see was, indeed, _The Script_. He bit his lip as to not smile too wide. He really liked Louis. He was funny and didn't think Harry was weird yet because of how clumsy or shy or awkward he was. But then he remembered that this was real life and Louis had his own friends and this was probably a one time thing. Only because Louis didn't have someone to hang out with and would rather sit in silence next to Harry than look like he didn't have any friends, sitting under a tree all by himself as Harry would have done.

He sighed and turned his attention back to his phone. On Tumblr he scrolled through a few posts, but when he sneaked a glance at Louis he saw him with his eyes closed, resting his head against the tree trunk. Harry didn't know how long he stared. It was only when Louis' blue eyes fluttered open that Harry quickly turned his head and looked down. He blushed, his fingernails squeezing into his skin. If Louis had noticed Harry staring, he didn't say anything about it.

They sat like that for a while. Louis listening to music, Harry scrolling through stuff on his phone, every once in a while checking if Louis still had his eyes closed. Especially whenever he came across a post that he'd rather not have anyone see.

When it was time to leave for class, Louis got up first and held his hand out to Harry. He stared at it for a second before he realised he was supposed to grab it. He did and shuddered as Louis' grip tightened and he pulled him to his feet as if it was nothing. Harry almost fell into his arms by the sheer force of it. He blushed. He didn't like to appear weak.

Harry fixed his fringe then and once he had grabbed his bag Louis said, “Give me your phone.”

It made Harry stop dead in his tracks.

“For my number,” Louis added quickly, but Harry only held his phone tighter after that and looked away.

He couldn't let Louis have it. He would just make fun of his lockscreen, which was a picture of Liam Payne from one of his latest photo shoots. Sue Harry. He dug his nails into his skin and yeah, sure, he would have loved nothing more than to have Louis' number, that would be a dream come true, but he couldn't give him his phone and he was too embarrassed to ask for Louis' phone instead.

“Alright, then,” Louis shrugged and knelt down to get something out of his back. He ripped a piece of paper from his notepad, got a pen and scribbled something down. Harry just stood there with his head down, foot scraping across the grass.

When Louis was finished he looked up at Harry and gave him the paper. “In case you need any more help. With anything, really.”

Harry thought Louis winked at him, but he didn't really see it through his curls that had fallen in his face. Louis seemed to wait a few seconds if Harry would reply, but when he didn't he just grabbed his bag and left.

“Bye, Curly,” he shouted as he walked away and Harry only realised he had been holding his breath once he shakily let it out when Louis was gone.

He couldn't help but smile. He clutched the piece of paper in his hand tightly as he stared at where he could see Louis walk away, just like he did the day before. God, he was so beautiful.

After a few seconds of daydreaming he took a look at the piece of paper in his hand. Written in blue ink it said _I saw you staring, Curly. Call me? Or text. I have a feeling you're more of a text person._ Then there was Louis' number, and the little note was signed with Louis' initials and a small happy smiley with x's as eyes. Harry felt his heart beat faster.

He quickly shoved the note into his pocket and made his way to class. He couldn't get the smile off his face for the rest of the day.

*

“Yes, mum, I will. … I love you, too. … Yes, Gemma, you too. … Okay, bye. … Yes, mum. Okay. ... Bye.”

Harry sighed as he ended the call and put his phone down. He loved his mum and sister, but especially his mum just worried too much. He had only been at uni for a week and they already acted as if he had half his studies behind him, constantly asking for news where there really were none. He looked at the framed picture of the three of them on his bed stand and smiled. He still loved them, though, so much.

It was Saturday and they hadn't been assigned any homework yet, so Harry had two days off. He had slept until 11am, something he hadn't done in a long time. He was usually a morning person, much to his sister's dismay who more often than not was woken up by Harry singing to music at 8 in the morning. But hey, Harry wanted to enjoy the little things. After he had gone out for a quick walk this morning he had come back with a croissant and some fruit for breakfast. His mum had called him just as he had been about to do his weekly routine.

Harry jumped off the bed and went to the rather small tub in the bathroom. He plugged the drain and turned on the hot water, making sure the temperature was perfect. At the side of the tub were at least ten different sorts of bubble bath and he took his time choosing one. His favourite was the one that smelled of roses and made the water and the bubbles pink. But after breakfast he had painted his nails light blue and so he decided to take a bath that matched the colour. He poured a bit of it into the water and immediately inhaled the scent of coconut and how he imagined the Caribbean sea must smell like. His gaze fell onto a glittery bath bomb that his sister had given him for his birthday and he thought today was the right day to use it. After all, he had survived his first week of uni and felt overall pretty great. There had been no one to catcall him, no one to bully him, and he had even made a friend. Sort of.

Harry blushed at the thought of Louis. He still had the note, had glued it into his diary, but he hadn't had the courage to text him yet. He wanted to, oh, how he wanted to, but he didn't know what to say. He felt like Louis was special and he didn't want to be boring and just text _Hi, how are you?_. He sighed. He would have to come up with something soon, Louis probably already thought Harry wasn't interested.

Once Harry had grabbed the last things he needed for his bath from his bathroom cabinet, he put his phone on the toilet lid next to the tub and played his playlist for relaxing. He looked at himself in the mirror before he started to undress. The water was still running and he looked away from his view in the mirror as he stripped. He didn't like looking at himself. He didn't think he was that attractive. He still had baby fat in places even though he was nineteen and he didn't like his love handles or the marks on his chest that made it almost look like he had four nipples. He tried to fight back the burn behind his eyes as he remembered the boys from middle school making fun of him for them in the lockers.

He continued pulling down his pants and his fingers brushed the stretch marks that were scattered all over the insides and on the outsides of his thighs. He'd always thought only girls had them, but for some reason God didn't like him. He almost never wore short jeans in summer, in fear of them riding up and showing his ugly marks. He thought his thighs were too thick as well, only adding to his chubby appearance. He knew he wasn't fat, but no matter how much sport he did he never got rid of the baby fat and it made him uncomfortable whenever he had to wear just a t-shirt. The only nice thing about him he thought were his curls, they were soft and made him look cute and pretty. And his bum, which, if there hadn't been all those stretch marks beneath it, would have actually looked pretty good.

He turned off the water and tested the temperature with his hand before he slowly got in, careful not to splash any water on the floor. He sighed as he was fully inside, finally surrounded by warmth. It made him relax instantly. He had really needed this after this week. It was his ritual, something he had done every weekend for years now and it helped him cope a lot.

Harry played with the foam and the glitter from the bath bomb for a bit before he grabbed his razor from next to him. He had always liked the feeling of being clean and shaving just added to the feeling. He didn't have to shave his face or chest, he didn't really grow much hair there, but instead he had learned to love the feeling of smooth, hairless skin on his legs. There was almost nothing better than the feeling of the silky fabric of your bedding sliding over your freshly shaved legs. He always slept in nothing but short pants, sometimes even completely naked, something he had taken over from his childhood.

Harry started off with the right leg. He was careful not to cut himself, something he had managed way too often in his life due to how clumsy he was. But this time he could do the entire leg without problem. He did the left one next, then his armpits. When he was finished he stared down at himself. He got the scissors and started trimming his hair at his crotch. Every time he did this, he was frustrated. He had tried shaving there before, but had only gotten a few tiny cuts from it and a million ugly razor bumps. It hadn't been pretty. Shaving cream didn't do the trick either, it burned on his skin and there were always a few places he didn't put enough cream on so some hair was left. In the end he had resigned to his fate and just trimmed his hair a bit. The fact that he couldn't properly get rid of the hair hurt him more than it should have. It made him feel ugly, somehow disgusted by himself. And there was nothing he could do about it. He wouldn't try wax, scared of the pain it would cause.

Once he was done, he washed his hair with the shower and then relaxed a few more minutes. But the bubbles were almost all gone and the water wasn't hot anymore, so he got out. He put on some body milk that smelled of strawberry and then went back to his room. On his way he took a look in the mirror once again and forced himself to smile. His hair was dripping and his curls clung to his forehead, but he looked smooth and relaxed and he felt better than before.

Harry contemplated whether he should put clothes on or not. He liked being naked, not because he liked to look at himself, quite the opposite, but because it made him feel free, free of confinements and free in mind. His diary entries and school papers always ended up better whenever he did them lying on his bed naked. It was just another weird thing about him.

Still, it wasn't as weird as something he _did_ like to wear. His gaze fell on the bottom drawer of his wardrobe, the one he barely ever opened. It was just, there were days, normal days really, where Harry felt especially soft or girly or just where he thought he wanted to look pretty. And on those days Harry went without his regular pants, but instead put on something he wasn't really proud of wearing... A pair of knickers.

Really, he just liked the feeling of them, the soft fabric caressing his skin, the pastel colours matching his nail polish and the cut complimenting his round bum. They always excited Harry as well, ever since he had once stolen a pair from his sister years ago. Made him feel like he did something he wasn't supposed to. It could get him off, too, and sometimes after a day of wearing them he had kept them on while he jerked off, just enjoying the thrill of it all. He didn't feel proud of himself for liking something like that, but on these days it just felt right. And he couldn't really do anything about the things he liked.

Back in his room, Harry put on _The Script_ again and grabbed his pen and diary. He lay on the bed naked, enjoying how his bedding felt on his smooth legs. He didn't do these things like shaving for anyone, he did it for himself. Because he didn't think he was pretty, but he desperately wanted to be. If he didn't shave every week and the hair got too long, he felt ugly and dirty.

But there was a downside to it as well. Shaving his legs prevented him from going swimming. More weeks than not had he faked being sick at school, just so he wouldn't have to go swimming in PE. The few weeks he did have to go though the other boys and even some girls used to make fun of him for shaving. One time a boy had even grabbed his leg and squeezed so hard Harry could see and feel his marks the entire day. He had cried himself to sleep that night, with his sister holding him close.

When Harry had finished his diary entry, just talking about what had happened to him this week, he remembered the note that he had stuck in it. He drew a few silly hearts around it and spelled out Louis' full name letter by letter, adding a little loop to some lines. His phone was next to him and he grabbed it and added Louis' number to his contacts, the little sparkling pink heart emoji next to it. He knew it was stupid, but he couldn't help himself. Louis was just so fit and nice and funny and Harry could feel his heart do a leap every time he thought about the way he smiled at him.

Harry felt good today, even a bit bolder than usual, so he took all the courage he had and opened his messages. He clicked on _New message_ and scrolled to find Louis. He didn't have a lot of contacts, so he didn't have to scroll much. As he pressed the fingertips of his left hand into his palm he slowly breathed in and out. It was just a message. He could do this.

Ten minutes later all Harry had was _Hi_ and the shy smiling emoji. He deleted it again though. Should he go for _Hello_ instead? Or _Hey_? He shook his head. He was such an idiot.

Just then did his phone fall out of his hand. He tried to catch it and managed to, but as he looked at the screen again he saw with horror that he had accidentally sent the heart eyes emoji to Louis. Oh no. Oh God. Harry felt himself blush so hard, his heart almost jumping out of his chest. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't delete the message! He started to panic and quickly typed in _Oops_ and sent that. Then he remembered that Louis couldn't possibly know who it was that texted him, so he added _It's Harry_. Not even five seconds later Louis answered. His message said _Hi_ with his apparently signature smiley with x's and Harry just sunk deeper into his cushions. Then he heard the sound of another message incoming.

_**I was waiting for you to text me.** _

Harry swallowed. Had he really?

_Sorry._

_**It's alright, I'm just glad you did.** _

He felt a little firework inside and smiled stupidly at his screen.

_I didn't want to send the emoji earlier_ ,

he replied and bit his lip.

_**You didn't? A shame. I was already flattered I made such a good impression on you. ;)** _

Harry was sure his heart must have stopped. He didn't know what to say to that. Luckily, Louis saved him.

_**Do you want to hang out some time again? My mates are all busy tonight, so I have an evening off. I could bring takeout? There's a Chinese restaurant right around my corner.** _

Harry was speechless. He didn't remember the last time he was asked to hang out with someone. Especially someone older than him.

_Sure, yes, I'd like that a lot_ ,

he sent, but immediately regretted it because of how eager he sounded. But Louis seemed to be just as happy.

_**Great, yeah, so I'll come around at six then? Where do you live?** _

And now Harry had a problem. He felt his face get hot. No, Louis couldn't come to his flat. He couldn't see all the stuff lying around. The flowers in every corner, the pink floral cushions on his sofa, the million bubble baths and lilac soft towels hanging next to the sink. God forbid if he even went into his bedroom, with light red walls and the pink bedding, the nail polish and all the other stuff on his shelf. Oh God, the _Liam Payne poster_ on his door. No, Louis couldn't come.

_Can I come to your place instead?_

Louis took a while before he answered.

_**Yeah sure. Why though? Got a body to hide?**_  


_No, just a million things that will make you hate me._ But instead he typed,

_No, it's just there were mechanics here today to fix something in the bathroom and now it's all dusty and messy._

_**That's about the normal state in my flat, love, but I'll let you convince me. So then, at my place at six?** _

Harry had probably never been as giddy and nervous as he was in this moment.

_Yes. Of course. I'll see you there. Bye! :)_

But of course he had forgotten something.

_**So you think you'll find my flat through telepathy then?** _

Harry didn't answer, too embarrassed, but soon Louis sent him his address. He looked for it on Google Maps and was happy to see that if he took the tube it would only be three stations. Quickly he texted Louis a thank you with the cherry blossom emoji and then lay down flat on his back, closing his eyes. Oh God, he would meet Louis Tomlinson tonight. He wasn't ready.

Harry lay there for a few minutes before his phone rang again. It was his sister. Harry was confused for a second since they had just talked a few hours ago, but as he picked up an incredibly happy Gemma started telling him how she had gotten the job she had applied for. It made Harry happy as well and he felt so proud of her.

“Thank you, Haz! I can't wait to start!”

He smiled. “I'm really proud of you, Gem. They can be really lucky to have you.”

“Damn right.”

They laughed, but as the laughter died down everything went silent. Harry started nibbling at his lip. Should he tell his sister about Louis or not? He knew she wouldn't judge him. They had always been close and Harry couldn't have asked for a better sister. Gemma always supported him with everything and even though he had never openly told her that he liked boys she had one day just figured it out. She had asked him if Nick, with whom he had been for a few weeks in high school, was his boyfriend and Harry had nodded and just like that the conversation had been over.

“So, Harry, spill. What's the thing that's getting you so worked up?”

Harry was still surprised after all these years about how well she knew him.

He cleared his throat. “His name's Louis and he's, like, older than me, not much, maybe a year or two, but Monday he helped me find my room and Tuesday we sat together under a tree on campus and he gave me his number and now he wants to meet up with me.”

He heard Gemma chuckle. “Oh, Harry, you're so cute sometimes.”

He huffed. “Shut up, Gemma.” After a few seconds he added, “I'm scared. I don't want to scare him away, but I also really like him and want him to like me back.”

“So, did he ask you out on a real date then?”

Harry shook his head until he realised Gemma couldn't possibly see that. “No, um, he just asked if he can come over because his friends are all busy tonight. He'd bring Chinese takeout.”

“Uh-huh.” Gemma seemed to think for a moment. “Well, then I guess just, like, be yourself? So like, be normal, right? If he's straight he just wants to have a fun time, and if he's actually into you he should like you how you are, right? So don't dress up too much. I know you like it, but that might scare him away then.”

Harry sighed. “Yeah, okay. Thanks, Gem. I'll just try to have some fun. He's probably straight, anyway.” _And even if he wasn't, he surely wouldn't like me._

“Awww, Haz,” she cooed and Harry rolled his eyes. “You will find your fairytale prince. Until then, enjoy a fun night out with a possible new friend. That's something though, isn't it? I'm glad you talked to him. Mum was already worried you would be all alone throughout your years at uni.”

It was supposed to be funny, but it only made Harry sad. His mum wasn't wrong. If Louis hadn't talked to him that day or come to him under the tree, Harry still wouldn't have talked to anyone. There was that one boy from English literature class though. A blonde who had asked him for a pen once and then cracked a joke about how Irish folk songs were easier to analyse than the poem they just did. But more than that he hadn't interacted with anyone. So technically, he still was alone. But that was alright, he was used to it. He had been alone pretty much all throughout high school and half of middle school, so he knew by now how to entertain himself alone. Also, if there was one thing he had learned throughout the past years of his life, it was that it was better to live alone in the shadows than to stand in the spotlight for everyone to judge.

“I have to go now,” Gemma said. “Mum and I are going shopping. I'll send you a new bath bomb, those glittery ones you love so much.”

Harry smiled. Oh, how much he loved his sister. “Thank you, Gemma. I love you. Bye.”

“Love you, too, Haz. Have a nice evening with Mr. Tomlinson. Tell me how it went, yeah?”

“Yeah, alright. Bye.”

Gemma said a last goodbye as well, then hung up. Harry sighed and fixed his fringe. He definitely had to get his hair done before he went over to Louis'. He hadn't combed it after he had gotten out of the tub and now it sure must look like there were some birds nesting in it. Not that it ever looked much better even if he tried hard.

He still had about two hours though before he would leave. Normally he would just go out for a walk when he was bored, but he didn't really feel like it today. He'd rather just stay in and watch some telly or read a book before he had to go. _To meet Louis._ He still couldn't quite wrap his head around it.

Harry's mind started drifting back to Louis, imagining how his flat must look, messy as he had told him over the phone, maybe with band posters on every wall or his clothes scattered around the room. He probably had a shelf with a few music CDs as well, hopefully some more bands Harry liked. He truly loved music, lots of different stuff as well, but he just couldn't imagine being with someone who hated the artists that he loved the most. At least he already knew Louis liked _The Script_ , so that was a start.

Closing his eyes, Harry's train of thought changed. Suddenly there were images of Louis clouding his mind, about how he would look when he opened the door to him. Maybe he had just showered and would still be in nothing but his pants or with a tiny towel wrapped around his waist, showing off his calves. Harry pictured water drops falling from his hair onto his gorgeous face with those sharp cheekbones and jawline that Harry wanted to cut himself on. More droplets running down his neck, down to his chest which was maybe, probably, hopefully also covered in a few tattoos. Then even further down to his v-line and the tiny trail of hair leading down to his crotch.

Harry bit his lip, hard. God, Louis was so gorgeous. It was absolutely maddening and unfair at the same time. That he was allowed to just look like that, probably oblivious to what he did to others. And Harry had only seen him in a t-shirt so far! But he could imagine how fit he was, probably not too muscly, but Harry didn't need that. Just a firm, tanned torso he could rest his head on was perfect, and enough strength to hoist him into his arms as Harry wrapped his smooth legs around Louis' waist and let him push him up against the wall and kiss him.

And oh. That was an exciting image. Harry could feel his cock twitch, slowly growing hard at the scenes playing out in his mind. He let out a shaky breath. He had never in his life been so infatuated with someone after just seeing them two times, and they hadn't even talked a lot yet. But his accent was sexy, and his smile so beautiful and honest and Harry couldn't help but give his cock a short squeeze at the thought of those lips ghosting over his skin. It wasn't even just his body. Louis had this beautiful aura around him that could light up a whole room. And for Harry it felt like he could add some colour to his dull, sad, grey life.

But for now, the images of a naked Louis were too prominent in his mind to just shove aside. Really, Harry hadn't planned to get off, but five minutes and a few good images later he was already moaning, his eyes closed, still very much naked and now jerking his pulsing cock with tentative strokes. As he looked down he saw the light blue nail polish stick out against the pink of his cock and it made him let out a breathy moan.

Just like that he jerked himself off for a few minutes, but unlike most days he wasn't in the mood to tease himself today. He was desperate. Maybe it was because he hadn't gotten off at all since uni had started, too many worries clouding his mind and keeping him from being in the mood. But that just made him feel all the pent up desire and sexual frustration more intensely and he was getting closer to the edge with each stroke of his hand. But no, he knew he needed more this time.

With a whine Harry let go of his rock hard cock and leaned over the edge of the bed to open one of the drawers underneath it. There, under a lot of extra blankets and another two beddings, were his favourite toy and a few bottles of lube with different flavours and a pack of condoms that Gemma had sent him to welcome him into the life of a uni student. Harry ignored those though and just grabbed the next best bottle of lube he could find and then his dildo.

Laying back on the bed, his mouth watered at the sight of his toy. It wasn't too big, but not too small either, just perfect for him. Plus it was pink, but still a bit glassy so the light could fall through it. That day he had seen it in a shop window he hadn't been looking for anything like it, but it had intrigued him so much that the next day he'd come back and overcome his embarrassment. He'd just walked right into the sex shop and took it home with him and he had put it to good use ever since. The way it felt in his hand alone turned him on, not as long as his own cock but about the same width and sometimes he just imagined it being a real cock attached to a real man that fucked him. Today, apparently, that man was Louis.

Harry quickly covered his fingers with lube, careful not to spill anything on his bedding, and then pushed his knees up so he had better access to his hole. He let out a tiny whimper as he brushed his cock that was leaking precum onto his stomach. Once the first finger traced his rim he let out a satisfying sigh. Normally he liked to take his time, rile himself up doing this, just push the tip of his pointer finger in a few times, not really going anywhere. But today he needed it harder and faster and – he shuddered at the thought – he was on a tight schedule as well.

So he took a deep breath and relaxed as he pushed the first finger in. A moan fell from his lips and the fingers of his free hand clutched the duvet harder. He wiggled his finger around, pushing it all the way in and revelling in the feeling of having something inside him. He couldn't quite reach his spot yet, so he shifted around a bit and added a second finger. The stretch burned, but it only made him sigh. It felt so good after all this time.

After that, it didn't take him long to find his prostate. He let out a moan as he finally found it and pushed against it, bucking his hips and grinding down hard on his fingers. His cock was red and pulsing out more precum as he massaged his spot for a while, scissoring his fingers in the process. 

When he felt that he was getting way too close way too fast he stopped for a minute to calm down. He didn't want it to end that way. Slowly he added the third finger and kept pumping them in and out. It felt incredible and he moaned with every drag over his prostate. While he used his fingers to stretch himself as good as possible, his other hand found his cock and he started stroking it in tune with his thrusts. His eyes were closed but fluttered open every few seconds and his breath hitched whenever he dragged his thumb over his slit. He could feel how hot and flushed he was all over and he was starting to sweat.

When Harry thought he couldn't hold out any longer, he removed his fingers from his hole and instead rubbed the rest of the lube onto the dildo, then added a bit more lube from the bottle just for good measure. He could feel his wrist already hurting from pumping in and out of his ass in an uncomfortable position, so he decided to sit on his legs for this. He rose to his knees and grabbed the pink toy, positioned it at his entrance and then slowly, way too slowly sank down on it as he held his breath.

And oh, yeah, yes, it felt so good. He had needed this so bad. He kept moaning as he lowered himself down completely, all inches of the toy inside him. He could feel his hole stretch wide around it as he traced his rim with his finger and it made his cock blurt out another drop of precum that he used to slick himself up.

After adjusting to the dildo inside him, he carefully rose up to his knees until only the tip of it was still inside, then sank down on it faster than before. A whine was pushed out of him at the movement and his hand found his cock yet again, slowly pumping it in the rhythm of him riding the toy. He started out cautious and slow, due to the burn that was still there, but after he while he could feel his insides loosen up and he started slamming himself down fast. His thighs were hurting pretty quickly, but the pleasure he felt was bigger.

It took Harry a while to find his prostate with the toy, but when he did he threw his head back and moaned loud. He was so glad he lived alone in this flat, he was sure any flatmates would have heard him by now. With every slam downwards he let out little puffs of air and tiny whimpers, nailing his prostate each time. It was truly glorious and Harry couldn't help but think back to Louis. Louis smiling, Louis winking, Louis getting off to the thought of Harry like Harry did to the thought of him.

He could feel how he was getting close, the images of Louis jerking his own cock too hot to hold back. Harry whimpered, one hand holding the toy steady so he could fuck himself down on it even faster, the other hand working his dick with a firm and desperate grip, circling his head every few strokes. He could feel his cock hot, hard and pulsing in his hand and his hole clenched whenever he hit his spot just right.

It built and built, each picture of Louis in his mind hotter than the one before, and then, with one particularly hard and good thrust downwards, Harry could feel his orgasm being _right there._ He imagined Louis stroking his own dick, staring down at Harry who was on his knees in front of him, licking his lips just waiting for Louis to give him his cock. Harry moaned, louder than before, and then felt his own cock twitch and shoot out spurt after spurt of come all over his stomach. It was just so good, the thought of Louis seeing him like this was getting him so hot, so turned on. Harry's lips parted for a scream, but no moan came out, instead he heard himself whimper with a raspy, needy voice,

“Ah, d-daddy.”

Harry had his eyes screwed completely shut as he rode the dildo through his orgasm. Afterwards he just started grinding on it, pressing it against his spot to get the last bits of pleasure out of it, letting out shaky puffs of air and high pitched sounds. It made his cock twitch a few last times and his insides spasm.

Next thing Harry knew, he was opening his eyes and his thighs were burning so much he had to properly sit down right now. He slowly rose up to his knees to pull the dildo out, whining at the loss and the feeling of being empty, before he just plopped down on his bed and pushed his legs straight out. He was breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling fast, covered in his own come. His cock was slowly shrinking as he placed the dildo on his bed stand.

Once he had calmed down a bit, he put his right arm over his eyes and sighed. Oh God. Had he really just fucked himself to the thought of his new potential friend that he was about to meet in about an hour? Oh no. And which was probably even worse, he had called him _daddy_. Harry whined. It wasn't anything new to him. He knew he had a thing for slightly older men and nothing got him off as much as imagining some fit man hovering above him and taking care of him in the way he wanted it most. It was probably weird, but he couldn't help it.

As he lay there and tried to even his breathing he fought to get rid of the thoughts of sucking Louis' cock while Louis stared down at him. But the images kind of lingered around, even as he eventually got up to clean himself and the dildo and put all his stuff away. There were a few traces of lube left on his bed, so he grabbed a wet cloth and managed to get them away just fine. He reminded himself to put a towel on the bed next time.

When he was done, had removed his nail polish and put on clothes that he deemed appropriate he still had half an hour left before he would get going. He tried his best with his curls, but they weren't to be tamed, especially after his activity just a few minutes ago. He contemplated whether he should put on some of his raspberry lip gloss, but then remembered that this wasn't actually a date. Yeah. Right. No date.

Harry checked his phone to see if Louis had texted him again and was at the same time relieved and worried that he didn't. He really wanted to meet him again and spend time with him, but he was sure he would just make it awkward again, either by being clumsy and spilling a drink on the sofa or by saying stupid things. Or, and that was his biggest worry, by getting a hard on because of the images in his head that would surely just get worse once he was around him.

As Harry stood there staring at himself in the mirror he forced himself to relax his hands. There were already lasting half moons on his palms from the many times he dug his nails into his skin these past days and he didn't want Louis to notice and then ask him about them. He took one last glance and examined himself before he sighed. It was just a friends-thing, he would be fine.

This time he was wearing a blue sweater because he thought it matched Louis' eyes. He waited the last ten minutes sitting on his bed scrolling through Tumblr before he got up and left his flat. The little girl with her mother came back as Harry locked his door and he smiled down at them as they were getting inside. The girl waved at him again and Harry waved back.

With each step that he took towards the tube and therefore towards Louis Harry turned even more nervous. He didn't know what to expect. As soon as he got off the tube he had his phone out with Google Maps, but he still managed to take the wrong turn the first time, so he had to walk all the way back. It turned into a proper detour as well, but he didn't want to ask a stranger for the way. When he finally arrived at what he hoped was Louis' flat his heart was beating way too fast. He was ten minutes late and beet red, trying desperately to calm himself down. This really wasn't how he had imagined it to go.

And then he was just about to ring the door bell when he read the name on the nameplate. Or rather, the names. Plural. Because there, beneath Louis' last name, it said _Malik_. Oh. _Oh._ Harry swallowed. He hadn't actually considered the thought that Louis might not be living alone. He felt his anxiety come back. Oh no. He wasn't good at meeting new people, especially if the person he was with was someone he wanted to impress. But then he remembered that Louis had said that all his friends were out tonight, so Harry hoped that at least for tonight he wouldn't have to meet that Malik guy.

So Harry rang the door bell and waited, his hands playing with the hem of his sweater. Louis' voice echoed through the speaker a few seconds later and Harry's heart skipped a beat. This was really going to happen.

“Hi, um, Louis, I'm Harry, um, I mean, it's Harry, uh...”

Louis chuckled. “Got it. Come in, Curly, fifth floor.”

Harry nodded for no one to see, mumbled an “Okay” that was probably way too quiet for Louis to hear and then heard the telltale sign of the door open. He pushed hard and stepped into the little hallway. On the right there was a lift, so Harry got inside and pushed the button that said fifth floor. He was still red and quite hot due to practically running all the way to Louis' flat after walking the wrong way. He just hoped he didn't look too sweaty.

As Harry stepped out of the lift Louis was already leaning in the doorway. Unlike what had been playing out in Harry's mind an hour ago, he was completely dressed, in dark blue jeans and a light brown, thin sweater with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Harry swallowed. If possible, Louis looked even more gorgeous than he'd done the two times before. Especially because he now had a bit of scruff on his face and it made Harry think of all the dirty places he wanted Louis to rub his face on.

“So, are you gonna stand there the whole night or will you come in? I already got takeout, hope you like chicken.”

Harry just nodded, then slipped inside next to Louis who closed the door behind them. And oh. The flat wasn't at all what Harry had expected. Sure, there was a jacket thrown over the couch and different magazines and a controller were scattered over the table in front of the couch, but it also smelled of coffee and there were a lot of different paintings on the wall, all seemed to be made with the same colours and technique. Harry felt Louis' hand on the small of his back and shuddered.

“Don't be shy, take a seat. I figured we can just sit down on the sofa, I'm not one for eating at the table. The couch is way more comfortable.”

Harry smiled shyly and sat down where Louis told him to. He almost completely sunk into the sofa and had to push himself back up a bit. In front of him were two boxes of takeout, both just had the number 28 on it, so Harry guessed they would both have chicken then. Suddenly there was a fork held in front of his face and Louis plopped down next to him, taking a box and shoving it into Harry's hands.

“Enjoy your meal, “ he grinned and then grabbed the second box and moaned exaggeratedly as he took the first bite.

Harry was pleasantly surprised with the food. He had always liked Chinese, but this one tasted especially good. Or maybe he just imagined it because Louis got it for him. Harry didn't have takeout often, he normally cooked something himself. He liked cooking, really, and he thought he was quite good at it by now as well.

“So, how was your week?” Louis asked, but then added, “Wait, scratch that. Forgot you're not one for small talk.”

He smiled around the chicken in his mouth and Harry couldn't help but smile back. His gaze fell behind Louis on another picture at the wall, the biggest one they had, right above a plant that, to be honest, seemed to be in desperate need of water. Louis followed his gaze and didn't even swallow first before he started to explain.

“Oh yeah, my best mate Zayn made all these. He lives here with me. Isn't one for small talk either, but he's damn good at everything that involves pens or a paintbrush. Doesn't study arts for nothing.”

Harry nodded, then asked, “What do you study?”

He realised that he actually knew nothing about Louis, nothing at all, and he had just happily agreed to meet a practically complete stranger, an older man at his flat with no one else around. Everything his mum had told him not to do when he had been a kid.

“Drama. I wanna become a drama teacher. So I can torture those little shits like I've been tortured back in school while still doing what I love in the meantime.”

He laughed and Harry was impressed. There were a lot of things that would fit Louis, but definitely not becoming a teacher.

“And you?”

Harry chewed and swallowed first, before he replied, “English. Literature and history and development and language and everything about it. British and American.”

Louis nodded. “So you wanna be a teacher as well, then?”

Harry shrugged. He didn't know what he wanted to do yet. All he knew was he enjoyed reading and loved writing in his diary and his mum had always told him he was good with words (if he then opened his mouth), so English had just kind of been the most obvious choice. He didn't regret it though, he liked the lectures so far.

“Well, you're still a newbie, still got time to decide.”

Harry mumbled a “Uh-huh” and quickly stuffed his mouth with rice to avoid talking.

After they were finished Louis didn't care to put the empty boxes away, just pushed them at the end of the tiny table. Harry got the vibe he really wasn't one of the tidy ones.

“So, you wanna play Mario Kart?” Louis asked and gestured towards a Wii under the TV.

Harry blushed. “I'm not really good at it.”

Louis smiled. “Neither is Zayn, but that's not the point anyway. It's just about fun. So, wanna have some fun? And be beaten by the king of Mario Kart himself?”

Harry chuckled. “Yeah, why not.”

When they had been younger, Gemma had gotten a Wii for her birthday and they had spent a lot of time playing Mario Kart together. She had always won, but that was fine. Harry was happy when Gemma was happy. He knew video games weren't his strength. For Mario Kart he had always picked Rosalina. He thought the little star jumping around her head was cute. Plus, she was a strong tall beautiful princess and Harry kind of envied her. Now though, Harry just went for Luigi since Louis took Mario.

They played for about an hour, Harry constantly being twelfth or eleventh place, except one time on a very short track where the rocket (or was it a canon?) brought him to ninth place right before the finish line. Harry had been quite happy about it and even though they both knew it wasn't his talent that brought him there Louis still put his hand on his shoulder and praised him and Harry felt warm and giddy at that.

Their next race was interrupted by the door opening. Louis paused the game and they watched a handsome black-haired guy stumble inside. He had about as many tattoos as Louis, if not more, and seemed to be obviously very, very drunk. Harry heard Louis groan next to him.

“Zayn, lad, really?”

Zayn, apparently, just stared at them with a blank expression, alternating between looking at Louis and staring at Harry like he was an alien. Harry could feel a wave of embarrassment heat up his cheeks. He didn't like it when people stared at him. Louis just groaned again and got up to close the door that Zayn had left open. He put his arm around his shoulders as he slowly pushed him towards a door which Harry assumed was the hallway to the bedrooms.

“Go and sleep it off, lad. If you puke, that's not my problem. Bucket's in the bathroom under the sink. Have a nice night!”

Then Louis wanted to let go of him, but Zayn stumbled and fell into Louis' arms. Both groaned. Louis shot Harry an apologetic glance.

“I'm sorry, Harry, I'll just bring him to bed and give him something to eat and drink, yeah?”

Harry just nodded and then Louis pushed Zayn back to his feet and helped him walk to his room. Harry was left sitting on the couch. Every once in a while he could hear voices, Louis' louder than Zayn's, but he couldn't make out what they said. He played with the hem of his sweater and studied the TV screen that asked him to either continue or end the game.

After ten minutes, Louis still wasn't back. Harry sighed and picked up the Chinese boxes to put them in the trash that he found under the sink of the tiny kitchen in the back of the room. He plopped back down on the sofa and got his phone out. He saw that he had gotten a message from Gemma, asking him how it went, and he just replied with _Great_ and a smiley to be more convincing.

After another ten minutes, Harry finally heard Louis come back. Louis sat down next to him and shook his head, then fixed his fringe.

“I'm so sorry, Harry, really. Zayn wouldn't let me go. Said I couldn't leave him. Wanted me to sit around, so I just waited 'til he was asleep. Thank God he didn't puke.”

Harry smiled. He didn't want to make Louis feel bad for making him wait.

“He probably won't wake up until the day after tomorrow,” Louis grinned, but then his face changed as he noticed Harry looking down again. “I'm sorry I kept you waiting.”

Harry tried to calm down his heart and took a deep breath. His urge to fix his fringe was almost unbearable. His fingers were now just squeezing his sweater tight. “It's alright. I don't mind. It's nice, uh, that you take care of him.”

Louis let out a huff. “Yeah, wish he'd return my generosity when he's sober.”

Harry thought he would love to cook for Louis, or clean the flat, or do the dishes and iron his clothes for him. He didn't mind doing those things. It was alright as long as the person he did those things for appreciated it and maybe gave him something back. Harry was pulled out of his thoughts though as he felt Louis' hand on his thigh. He shuddered and stared up at him, the game of Mario Kart completely forgotten. Harry could feel his cheeks burn again and Louis smiled.

“You're cute when you blush, you know.”

He swallowed. He didn't dare to move or say anything or even breathe. The touch burned on his skin, even through his jeans. Felt like the outline of Louis' hands would turn into a constant mark on his skin, the light pressure igniting a fire in him that he hadn't known was smouldering in him.

“You're cute in general,” Louis added then, squeezing his thigh as he slowly rubbed his palm over it.

Harry was in shock. And then he panicked.

“No,” he pressed out, way too loud, and jumped off the couch. His heart was racing, his nails boring into his palms and he could feel tears starting to well up in his eyes. He hated himself.

“Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry,” Louis said immediately, his voice soft, comforting, but it didn't help Harry at all. “I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry. I thought you wanted it, too, I just saw how you always looked at me and just– I'm sorry.” He closed his eyes and lowered his head. “I ruined it now, didn't I? I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry.” He sighed. “You can leave if you want.”

Harry still tried to fight back a few tears, but his thigh kept burning from Louis' touch and he desperately wanted to tell him that it wasn't his fault. Because it wasn't. It really, really wasn't. Harry wanted Louis, he really did, Louis had been so nice and kind the entire day and Harry felt safe around him and it was all alright, it was just– Louis wouldn't like it. He only saw Harry's face, his curls, his lips, his dimpled cheeks. He didn't see the rest of him. He wouldn't want it. And Harry would rather not do anything at all than have Louis be shocked and disgusted by his body once he saw it.

“It's okay, Louis. It wasn't you.”

Louis looked up at him with wide eyes and Harry wanted nothing more than to kiss those lips. But he didn't.

“I'm sorry,” Louis said again, and something in his voice made Harry finally lose it.

Tears started rolling down his cheeks and he could feel them hot and burning on his skin. “I'm sorry, too,” he sobbed, holding his hands in front of his face. “You were so nice to me and you did nothing wrong and I want it, Louis, I really do, but I just can't.” He felt the words run out of his mouth like a waterfall, he didn't even mean to say any of it, but he couldn't help it.

Suddenly he felt someone grip his wrists, slowly pulling his hands from his face. “It's alright, love,” Louis said and Harry just sobbed harder.

He hated himself so much. He hated that he couldn't give Louis what he wanted and that he couldn't give _himself_ what he wanted. And oh, how much he wanted Louis to touch him, his thighs, his cheeks, his chest, his bum, everywhere. But he knew where this evening would have led and no matter how much he craved it he was scared of what Louis would think of him and say to him when he saw Harry's body and realised he didn't want him anymore.

He felt Louis' arms tentatively wrap around him, asking for permission. He just clutched Louis' sweater, buried his head in the crook of his neck and cried. He had already ruined it, might as well let it all out now. His body was shaken by his heavy sobs, his entire face wet and salty and if it hadn't been for Louis, Harry was sure he would have sunken to the floor, unable to hold himself up any longer. He cried and cried and wondered if it would ever stop, but it felt like with every tear another horrible memory from his past made its way out into the open and he couldn't stop it.

He didn't know how long it took him to calm down, how long they were just standing there, the paused Mario game still on the screen. Louis just held him tight and Harry breathed in his scent and soaked up his warmth and let himself be held by this boy who he already liked so much.

After Harry had calmed down a bit he pulled away and wiped away the few stray tears on his cheeks. He could see a wet spot where the tears had soaked into Louis' sweater at his shoulder and he felt bad.

“Are you okay, Harry?” Louis sounded so genuine, so caring, so worried that it almost made Harry cry again. But he held back the tears and instead just lied and nodded, sniveling. “I'm sorry, Curly. I didn't want this.”

Harry shook his head. “I know. It's okay.”

“No, it's not,” Louis said with a firm voice, his hands still resting on Harry's shoulders. “I hurt you and that's not okay.”

Harry held his breath. Before he could stop himself from saying it, he blurted out, “It wasn't _you_ who hurt me.” And oh. Oh no. That wasn't supposed to come out.

Louis' expression turned from worried to even more worried and his voice trembled as he asked, “Harry, love, who hurt you?”

Louis tried to catch his eye, but Harry just stared down between them and shook his head.

“Harry, tell me. Who hurt you? Did someone do something to you that you didn't want?”

He could almost hear Louis' voice crack at the last question and suddenly all the images of his past came back. How they all laughed at him, how everyone said those things on his body weren't pretty, how he had finally thought everything was alright and then Nick just–

Before Harry knew it, he was crying again. Louis just held him even tighter than before.

“It's okay, Harry. I'm here. You're safe with me. I will never do anything like this again if you don't want it. I promise.” His voice cracked. “I'll protect you.”

Harry felt a million different emotions in this moment, but the one feeling that stood from everything else was the feeling of a growing love, blooming and blossoming inside him like a flower after an endless cold winter. Love for the boy who was holding him so close right now Harry felt like no one in this world could ever hurt him again.

He left after he had calmed down. Louis offered him to stay the night, without trying anything of course, but Harry just said he needed to be home. Louis insisted on walking him home and no matter how much Harry protested, he wouldn't change his mind.

They walked side by side to the tube and Harry was sure he fixed his fringe at least twenty times. He still felt teary-eyed and had to blink a few tears away every minute or so, but at least he didn't break down again. He wanted to take Louis' hand so bad, but didn't. It felt like any physical contact would be too much. Plus, he had already let himself be held by Louis for probably an hour and still felt incredibly embarrassed about it. He had just cried like some little boy who didn't get the ice cream he wanted. He wondered how Louis hadn't just thrown him out.

Once they were in front of Harry's flat, he didn't really know how to say goodbye. He felt Louis' gaze on him as he opened the door to the staircase, but before he could step inside Louis took his hand. He didn't squeeze it hard, just held it, and Harry felt another wave of tears bubbling up behind his eyes. His hand tingled as Louis's thumb scraped over the red half moons on his palm.

“I can understand if you never want to see me again. But I would like to see you again. Just as friends, if that's what you want. I really like you, Harry. And again, I'm sorry for what I did earlier.”

Harry forced out a smile. “I would like to see you again, too.” He took a deep breath. “As friend or, uh, as... something else, um, I don't mind.”

He saw Louis' smile and then, out of the blue, he placed a kiss on Harry's cheek. Harry felt a firework go off inside him. Louis' lips were soft and the kiss was chaste and quick, but it felt so, so right. He stared at Louis and thought he looked so beautiful, his hair illuminated by the street lights.

“I would like _something else_ ,” he said and then stepped back and let go of Harry's hand. “And by the way, you still look cute, even when you cry.”

He watched Louis run a hand through his hair, the first time he's ever seen him blush or be embarrassed, and it made Harry want to kiss him even more. But he didn't do it, just smiled at him again, mumbled an awkward goodbye and disappeared into the house.

That night, Harry fell asleep to the thought of Louis holding him so close, trying to remember the shivers running down his spine as Louis had whispered sweet nothings into his ear. For the first time in his life with someone, he felt like maybe someone would accept him.

*

Harry spent his Sunday baking. He made his own special chocolate chip cookies, his favourites that his mum adored so much. Back when he had lived with his parents he had worked at a bakery for years and even though he had just been the cashier he had developed a love for baking as well. Especially chocolate chip cookies.

He ate some of his cookies throughout the day, rolling around in his bed on Tumblr, watching a bit of YouTube on his laptop and painting his nails light blue again. Most of all though, he was waiting for a text from Louis. Harry's heart skipped a beat whenever he thought about the fact that apparently Louis liked him back, but then his stomach turned when he realised what getting closer to Louis would mean. Eventually he would want to be with him physically, having Harry undress, and every time he remembered his stretch marks and baby fat and knobbly knees and birthmarks he got sick. No, Harry could never give Louis what he wanted.

It was late afternoon when his phone rang and Louis' name popped up on the screen. Harry was a bit scared to read the message.

_**Hey, Harry. Hope you slept alright last night. How are you feeling?** _

Harry blushed. It was so cute that Louis cared about him so much. It was a foreign feeling, but it was good.

_I'm okay, thank you. How are you?_

**_Well, Zayn has a massive hangover and is kind of a bitch, but I've broken my record at the rainbow road at Mario Kart so the day is going pretty well after all._ **

Harry smiled. He really wanted to ask Louis if they could meet again, but he didn't have the courage. He bit his lip. How could he tell Louis how much he liked him without being weird about it? They've only met three times and the last time they had spent most of the time hugging while Harry balled his eyes out. Who wouldn't be weirded out by that? Another message from Louis popped up.

_**Hey, so, I was just wondering, are you still free tonight? It's totally fine if you can't or don't want to, but I'd like to see you again.** _

Harry could feel his heart rate pick up speed again. “Yes,” he said out loud, “yes, I want to.” So he typed,

_I would like to see you again, too._

**_Great. So, how about we go have dinner? I could come pick you up at 6?_ **

Harry started panicking a bit. That was in half an hour, oh God. But this was just another casual meeting, right? _“Don't dress up too much,”_ his sister had said. Half an hour, that was fine. He just needed to throw on different clothes and maybe comb his hair.

_Yeah, sure. I'll see you then._

**_Alright. Later, Curly._ **

Louis added the pink revolving hearts emoji and Harry was smiling so wide his dimples showed.

Next thing he knew, he was texting Gemma. He wouldn't tell her about the disaster that was the meeting last night, but he needed to tell someone about what was to come. Gemma was happy for him and comforted him and cracked a few jokes about how Harry should watch out so he wouldn't accidentally spill wine all over Louis' shirt and Harry flipped her off but secretly knew she was right.

They texted for way too long and when Harry checked the time, he had a heart attack realising he only had fifteen minutes left. He texted his sister a quick goodbye and then went through his wardrobe to find something to wear. A simple black long-sleeved shirt seemed to do the job just fine, so he put that on, then some jeans and went to the mirror in the bathroom to do his hair. He glanced at the clock every few minutes and with each tick of the second hand his heart beat quicker. God, he was so nervous, he felt like some teenage boy with a stupid crush. In his head Gemma laughed at him and said that well, that wasn't too far from the truth. He huffed.

He spent an excessive amount of time trying to get that one single strand of hair to curl the way he wanted it to, right until the moment he heard the doorbell. Which made his heart skip a beat. He checked himself in the mirror one last time and sighed. And oh, great, he was already blushing again.

When Harry opened the door he was sure his mouth was gaping. Louis looked incredible, with a messy fringe and a white v-neck shirt and a black blazer. At the top of his shirt, Harry could see another tattoo peeking out and he swallowed. Oh, this was going to be such a long night.

“Hi,” Louis eventually broke the silence and smiled at Harry, rubbing his neck.

Harry tried to keep his composure and smiled back. “Hi.”

“So,” Louis continued, “I reserved a table at my favourite Italian restaurant and it's not far from here. I hope you like Italian.”

Harry smiled. Italian was his favourite. “Yes, that's great, Lou, thank you.” He grabbed his keys and a light jacket and then followed Louis out into the night.

The restaurant was a small, cosy place at the second floor of a house in the middle of the inner-city and Harry really liked it. There were fake-candles burning at the walls, but a real candle on their table. They had a place right in the back of the restaurant, which made Harry feel more comfortable. Louis ordered them a bottle of wine and even though Harry usually didn't drink wine, he quite enjoyed the taste. And he didn't even spill any of it.

They talked about anything, really. Harry found out that Louis had four younger sisters, that his parents were divorced as well and that he came from Doncaster, which explained his special accent. Louis asked him a bit about his past as well, but Harry wasn't keen on bringing that topic up again and gladly Louis didn't ask any further.

Louis' presence was incredibly comforting to Harry. He made him laugh so much, so loud that other people were already shooting them weird glances, but Harry didn't realise or care. He was so caught up in everything that was Louis, the way he tried to balance the spoon on his nose, how passionate he was about music and his drama study, how he encouraged Harry to open up a bit more and how he knocked his feet against Harry's under the table. The latter making Harry blush multiple times, which just had Louis grin wider.

In a moment of silence while they were eating, Harry just took in the moment. It was a beautiful night, clear sky and half moon and he was having dinner with an even more beautiful boy who made him happy. He didn't know where they stood or what they were, but whatever it was, he wanted more of it.

When they were about to drink the last sips of their wine, Louis held him back. “Wait. We need to make a toast.”

Harry furred his brows. “To what?”

Louis shrugged, smiling at Harry. “I don't know. Maybe... to a good first date?”

Harry almost choked on his own spit. “W-what?”

Louis looked at Harry in a questioning way. He pointed to both of them, then gestured around the room. “This,” he said. “Our first date.”

Oh. “Oh.”

Harry blushed even harder. He was such an idiot. Of course, he had kind of hoped this would be a date, but he hadn't expected it to really be one. He hadn't really known how to make sure if it was one or not, he had never been on one before, but he hadn't wanted to ask.

Louis seemed a bit worried as Harry started biting his lip and clenched his fists. “Is that alright, Harry? I thought you had said you–”

“Yes! Yes!” Harry blurted out and immediately put his hands in front of his mouth because of his loud voice. “I mean, um, yeah, uh, of course, that's uh, that's nice.”

Louis chuckled. “Good... So then, a toast to a nice first date?”

Harry smiled shyly and nodded, grabbing his glass. “Yes, a toast to–”

And then he saw it. _No_. Harry immediately put his glass down and hid his hands in his lap. He felt tears well up in his eyes.

“Harry, love, what's wrong?”

Oh please no. What was he supposed to _do_ now? Harry closed his eyes and wished he was somewhere else. Somewhere alone, a place where no one saw him or his hands. Because there, right at the tips of his fingers, was still the pastel nail polish he had put on today. He had forgotten to take it off. _Again._ He wanted to cry.

“Harry, please talk to me. What's wrong?”

Harry sniffed. Louis had definitely noticed the nail polish by now. He was probably already thinking about how weird it was. How girly. He stared down at his fingers and Louis followed his gaze.

“It's alright, you know. I like it.”

He looked back up at him from where he had his head hung low. “Like what?”

Louis smiled. “The nail polish. That's what's bothering you, isn't it?”

Harry's eyes widened. But what reason was there now to deny it? He nodded. “I, uh, I don't usually wear it, um, I just tried it today, I wanted to take it off, I–”

He saw Louis lay his hand on the table with his palm upwards, smiling at him. “Give me your hand, Harry.”

He didn't. How had he not noticed the nail polish the past two hours? Now that he did, it was all he could think about. The waiter had probably seen it and everyone else who would just take a look at him would, too. It made his stomach cramp and his breath shudder. Oh, why did he always make such a fool out of himself?

“Harry, darling, give me your hand, please.”

Louis made a come here motion with his hand on the table and Harry slowly lifted his hand up, fist clenched. He lay it on top of Louis' hand and felt how he slowly relaxed as Louis stroked his skin until his palm was flat on Louis'. Louis felt warm and rough and safe and Harry resisted the urge to dig his nails into his skin again. His gaze fell on the nail polish and he thought the light blue colour made his skin look pale and he didn't like it anymore.

“Harry,” Louis started then, his voice loving and endeared, “you're so pretty. I know you don't think so, but I do. The moment I saw you I thought you were one of the prettiest boys I have ever seen and I still think that.”

Harry felt his heart in his throat and he feared it would jump right out of his chest. Louis' words sent shivers down his spine and made him feel hot all over, but there was still the nagging feeling of panic and uneasiness. He forced himself to look at Louis as he continued talking, still stroking his hand with his thumb.

“I really like you. _You._ Everything that is you and if you like to wear nail polish then that's fine. You shouldn't be ashamed of it. Especially not in front of me. I like it, I really do. I think it makes you look even prettier and if it's something that makes you happy then there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. No matter what anyone else says.”

Harry could feel a tear run down his cheek and then Louis reached across the table to wipe it away. 

“How about we go home, to my place or yours, I don't care, and then we can watch a movie or do whatever you like, yeah? Just the two of us.”

Harry nodded. He liked that idea. He didn't want to be out in public anymore. Louis nodded back, then he called for the bill and paid for both of them. Harry wanted to pay for himself, but Louis was consistent.

“I asked you out, so I'll pay.”

Harry thanked him approximately a million times and once they were outside Louis grabbed his hand. He held it the entire way as they were walking home and it only added to the butterflies in his stomach. They went to Louis' place. Harry was still weary of letting Louis into his flat and Louis said Zayn was spending the night at his girlfriend's place so it was alright. He took Harry's jacket as they entered the flat and Harry immediately felt himself relax and calm down as the door was closed. Now they were alone, no one would see his nail polish anymore or stare at him.

He settled on the couch and let Louis pick the movie. _Love Actually_. Harry smiled. He had seen it a million times before, it was one of his favourite films, and he hadn't thought Louis would be the kind of man to enjoy those films. Louis just winked at him, then settled down next to him. As the movie started and everything else had become quiet, Harry got nervous again. He could feel Louis' body heat next to him where their legs and almost their shoulders touched and he smelled his cologne, which kind of drove him crazy. But he wouldn't start anything, so he just kept his hands in his lap, occasionally squeezing his painted nails into his palms.

At one point in the movie, Louis put his arms around him. Harry tensed. “Is this okay?” he asked as he felt Harry stiffen and waited for his consent.

Harry nodded. “Uh, yeah.”

It had just been a shock. He couldn't do anything against it. Physical contact just always made him uncomfortable. But this was Louis. And he trusted him. To emphasize his words he pulled his legs up onto the couch and settled into Louis' side. He put his head on his shoulder and felt how Louis' hand started stroking his. He chuckled and buried his head in the crook of Louis' neck for just a moment, inhaling his scent and enjoying the warmth that he felt being so close to him, letting Louis embrace him.

They continued watching and Harry was getting tired. At the back of his mind there was the knowledge that it was Sunday and that he would have to get up early the next day to go to uni, but he didn't find the strength to stop in the middle of the movie and especially to get up from where he was still curled into Louis' side.

Next thing he knew though, he opened his eyes to the sound of Louis whispering.

“Hey, Curly, wake up.”

“Huh?”

Harry blinked a few times, rubbing his head against Louis' shoulder, then he slowly started to realise where he was. And oh, he must have fallen asleep. Harry blushed. Great. They had wanted to watch a movie, but Harry had really just fallen asleep almost draping himself over Louis. Wow.

Louis chuckled as he saw Harry's sleepy state. “It's alright, love. Let's just get you home now, yeah? I would offer you to stay the night again, but then you would have to get up even earlier tomorrow to go home.”

Harry sighed. If he was being honest, he wanted nothing more than to stay here with Louis for the rest of his life, but he couldn't do that. A look at the clock above the TV made him panic as well. It was almost midnight. He should have been asleep for at least an hour already. He slowly pushed himself off Louis and immediately missed his warmth. He had been a very comfortable pillow. Louis went to grab Harry's jacket and helped him into it, which made him blush, and then he grabbed his keys.

“No, you don't have to walk me home again. It's already so late.”

Louis opened the door for Harry and shrugged, grinning. “I know.”

If Louis was sure of something, there was no way of changing his mind, so Harry just let him walk him home. Louis didn't grab his hand this time, but that was alright. This evening had already been so much better than he could have ever imagined. Once they were at Harry's flat, Louis gave him a kiss on the cheek again and Harry was glad it was dark so Louis wouldn't see how pink his face got.

“I'll text you again, yeah? Maybe we'll see each other on campus.” He paused. “I had a really nice evening.”

Harry smiled. “Yeah, me too.”

Louis left with a last squeeze of his hand and a sweet goodbye and once Harry was back in his flat, he watched Louis turn around the corner through his bedroom window. He couldn't believe this was happening to him.


	2. Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis wants to take their relationship to the next level, but Harry's self-consciousness and anxiety make things problematic.

The next morning, Louis kept his promise and texted him.

_**Morning, Curly. Slept well?** _

Harry smiled at the simple message and responded quickly before he hopped into the shower and got ready for uni. He had tiny black circles around his eyes but managed to cover them up with a bit of make-up. He sighed as he looked down at his hands and the nail polish that was already starting to crumble at the edges. It had to go still.

Harry and Louis spent the next two weeks just texting. In one of his classes, English Linguistics, he had to prepare for a first test and that didn't leave him a lot of time to meet up with Louis who had his own classes as well. Even though Harry's test was only pass or fail and the topic wasn't really hard, he studied a lot for it. Back in school everything had always come so easily to him. Gemma had often been jealous of him for that, how he could sit down a day before his finals and still get at least a B. But this was uni and his first test and he didn't dare to challenge his luck. Or disappoint his mum. After years of good grades his worst fear was to let her down by having to repeat a semester. He knew it wouldn't be the end of the world for _her_ , but it kind of would be for _him_. He was a little perfectionist with high ambitions and even higher expectations of himself and his worst critic was still himself.

So Harry spent most afternoons in front of his notes, trying to remember the symbols and names of each and every sound present in the English language. And suddenly he didn't quite understand anymore how so many people all around the world thought his language was such an easy one to learn. He sent Louis a few of his notes and smiled at his frustration over why someone would have to learn _“that shit”_ if they were already perfectly good at speaking the language. It was cute, the way Louis seemed to care more about Harry's difficulties with studying than his own.

The test went surprisingly well though. Out of all the possible things they could have asked only a fraction was actually required and Harry even felt a bit frustrated now that he'd had studied so much while most of it had been for nothing. He ended up having 96% though, so the frustration quickly turned into joy. When he told Louis about his good grade he was suddenly showered in praises and admiration and it made his heart skip a beat. Getting Louis' appreciation still felt so good. Louis recited a few lines of Shakespeare then over the phone, something about heroic deeds and how in the end everyone always got what they deserve, but Harry was sure Louis just wanted to show off. Not that Harry minded, he could listen to Louis recite Shakespeare for the rest of his life and be content.

A few days later Harry waited for him under the same tree they had met weeks ago on Tuesday, but he didn't see Louis anywhere. Harry knew it was nothing and stupid and it shouldn't hurt him, but it kind of did. Part of him had hoped he could see Louis again so quickly after his test was done. But he hadn't told Louis that he was there, so how should he know? Harry had just hoped that maybe this was Louis' way from class to class, but apparently it must have been a coincidence that they'd met here that day.

The next Friday after Louis handed in his own paper that he'd had to prepare Harry got a call from him asking him out on a second date. And who was Harry to refuse? Louis left it to Harry to decide what they should do, but when Harry couldn't come up with anything until Saturday afternoon when the date was supposed to happen, Louis had the idea of going ice skating. Harry was anxious, knowing he would probably topple over a million times, but Louis said he hadn't done it before either, so they were in the same boat.

Harry was proved right. He did end up falling a lot. Louis, who stumbled quite a few times himself, had to save him from cracking his head on the ice more than once.

“Are you just doing that so you can fall into my arms each time?” he laughed and Harry hid his face in his hands. That really wasn't his purpose, but of course he didn't mind that each almost-fall ended with Louis' arms wrapped around him.

After a couple of hours their hands and ears were frozen to death and so they decided to leave the hall and grab something to eat instead. Louis made them go for fish and chips and Harry spilled a bit of sauce onto his jacket so Louis had to go ask for tissues to clean it up. He apologised a million times, but Louis just shut him up with a kiss to his cheek. He smiled at him.

“Tip. You're cute when you blush, but you're even cuter when you're confident.”

Harry only blushed harder at that and Louis laughed. He still wasn't used to Louis saying such things, to him being sweet to Harry or in general just to being around Louis. Louis had something about himself that was entirely capturing, a charisma that was infatuating and fascinating every single time. Louis was a great person to just sit and admire what he was like. Harry did that way too often, spacing out just looking at him joking around or talking to him with a smile on his face.

After dinner Louis brought him home again and he held Harry's hand all the way back, right up until they were at the front door of his flat. Harry didn't want to let go and so Louis held it as he slowly leaned forward to kiss his dimple. This time, Louis blushed as well.

*

“You're lying.”

“No, I'm not!”

“Harry, I know you. No way you already had two dates with this guy and no way you two went ice skating. I know you hate anything where you can make a fool out of yourself. You never agreed to going with mum and me!” He heard Gemma huff.

“I'm sorry, Gem, for never going with you two. But I will, next time I'm home!”

Gemma's tone turned softer as she asked, “When _do_ you come home then?”

Harry played with the hem of his shirt. He missed them, too. “I don't know yet. Uni is keeping me busy and–”

“Don't lie to me, H. It's your sixth week. It can't be that bad yet.”

The truth was, he did have quite a bit of homework already, but there hadn't been any other test announced yet and he easily had his weekend off still. But yeah, he really missed his mum and sister and would love to go see them again, it was just–

“You don't want to leave Louis.”

Harry sighed. She knew him too well. The thing with Louis was just... unexplainable. Like a spell cast upon him, like every inch away from Louis was too much and made the urge to get closer become stronger. And he truly thought Louis felt the same way, judging by his constant messages and sweet compliments and the way he held Harry close and put a hand on his lower back when they were in a crowded place. Like some invisible rope wrapped around them. And if Louis was the anchor, he had totally caught on Harry's heart.

“Well, Harry, I'm sure he would understand you leaving to see your family for a weekend. We don't even ask for a whole week or anything, we know you have classes, just a weekend. I would even come pick you up at the train station.” She paused, then added quieter, “We just miss you a lot.”

Harry smiled sadly. “I miss you, too.”

“Just think about it, okay? If not for me, then for mum. She misses you so much she goes to visit your room at least three times a day. One time she even brought you sweets from the shop until she remembered you weren't here.”

Harry groaned. “Oh God, yeah, alright, I'll see when I can come over.”

Gemma seemed pleased. “Great! Call us then, yeah?”

Harry promised to tell them as soon as he knew the exact time and date and then hung up the phone. He sighed. He really did miss his family. And Louis. It was frustrating.

To get his mind off of things Harry decided to go take a walk. He knew about a small park near his flat, a place he passed every day with the tube, and thought with how the sun was shining outside and the sky was clear blue it was a perfect day for a comeback of his Polaroid camera.

The park thankfully wasn't too crowded, mostly older people or families with kids walking around the narrow paths between the grass, chatting and nodding at Harry when he passed them. He was looking out for something pretty to photograph, maybe a nice tree or some flowers, but the space near the walking paths was mostly tramped down with the occasional gum paper lying around. No scene Harry was keen on capturing. So he decided to leave the path behind and instead follow his instinct to a small group of trees in the middle of the grass. He passed a group of children who played footie and instinctively held his camera tighter.

Once he sat down under one of the trees he took his camera out. There were only a few shots left, so he definitely needed to make them count. Looking around though he realised there weren't many flowers other than dandelions, most of them still yellow. The trees weren't blooming yet either. So maybe he still had to wait a week or two before he could really put his camera to use. But at least the weather was nice.

As Harry absentmindedly plucked a few blades of grass, studying the little yellow flowers all around him, he got an idea. Carefully he took the small pocketknife out of his jeans and cut the first dandelion from the grass. He waited for the few drops of milky juice to fall off so he didn't smear it all over himself, then gingerly cut a short hole in the stalk. Next he put the flower down and cut a second one. He repeated that with about twenty yellow dandelions before he decided it would be enough.

The good thing about dandelions was that their stalk was rather thick, more resilient than those of other flowers,. So the easiest method to braid a crown was to just stick the end of one dandelion through the hole in the stalk of the other one until the blossoms prevented it from going any further. Then, to make sure it was fixed, you just needed to put a careful knot in the stalk, without covering the hole in it. Then you stuck the next flower through the hole in the second stalk and repeated that until it made a circle. Harry lost a few flowers on the way because either the hole ripped or he messed up the knot, but in the end he had a nice yellow dandelion flower crown. He was quite proud of himself.

Harry was just about to try it on quickly when he heard someone shout his name. He immediately dropped the crown in his lap and tried to cover it up with his jacket. Who would be shouting for him? He only knew about three people in this town. His heart was in his throat when he recognised the person that had been calling for him and was now walking towards him. Oh.

“Lou?”

It had been two weeks since their last real date, but they had met on campus a few times. Last week every day except Thursday where Zayn had needed Louis' help for an art project. Him and Harry still weren't boyfriends, not officially at least, but Harry hoped they would get to that stage eventually. He liked Louis so much, he wanted to be with him and belong to him. With each day the urge to get closer to him grew stronger, with each of Louis' fond smiles Harry felt his heart swell more. The butterflies in his stomach were rioting whenever Louis called him cute. Harry even got a bit sexually frustrated, which was completely entirely solely only Louis' fault. Because Louis was so fit and Harry couldn't help but get off to the thought of Louis calling him his boy. But after each time Harry just longed more for him. It was a vicious circle, really. He wished he was just brave enough to do something about it.

Right now though Louis was just strolling towards him, big smile on his face and – to Harry's surprise – a dog by his side. A rather small one, caramel coloured fluffy hair with locks, wagging his tail happily. Harry was instantly endeared. The dog was at his feet first and Harry smiled and started petting his head while ruffling the fur. The dog let out an excited bark, but just as fast as he'd been next to Harry he was gone again, running back to Louis for just a few seconds, then around the tree, then back to Harry who happily petted him some more. He was truly adorable and Harry loved the feeling of his soft fur between his fingers.

Once Louis had reached the tree that Harry was sitting under he shook his head in annoyance. “If only I got the same treatment each time.” But then he chuckled and looked at the dog who was now on his back, letting Harry rub his stomach, and that somehow must have lifted his mood because his voice softened. “Hi, Harry.”

Harry looked up from the little ball of fur to see Louis lean against the tree, arms folded over his chest but smiling down at him. The leaves of the tree cast shadows over his hair and face and Harry thought he looked absolutely breathtaking. Breathtakingly beautiful.

“Hey, Lou.” He returned his smile. “What, uh, what are you doing here?”

Part of him was hoping Louis would start with a cheesy speech about how he couldn't be apart from Harry for so long, had secretly followed him from his flat to the park and got a dog on the way to make it look like a coincidence, but instead he just shrugged.

“Being a friendly neighbour, I guess. The old couple living in the flat below us is out visiting their daughter, so I agreed on walking their dog, just for today.” He paused. “Didn't expect to find another cute curly haired one in the park though.”

Louis was wearing that smug smile that made Harry's knees weak. He was glad he was sitting down or else he might have fallen straight into Louis' arms. How could he think Harry was able to cope with Louis saying things like that about him?

Suddenly he felt something wet on his hand and as he turned his head he saw the dog lick his fingers. Harry had stopped petting him and this was apparently his way of telling him to keep going. So Harry complied and just went back to doing what he did before. Apparently the dog was a bit needy (not that Harry minded.)

Louis did seem to mind. “Charlie, stop it now! You can't just always lick people, you minx.”

Harry giggled and let the dog sniff around his shoes as he relaxed against the tree. “I don't mind, really. He's cute.”

But Louis only rolled his eyes at that, giving Charlie an angry look. “Oh yeah, he's the cutest, as long as there are no other dogs around that are taller than him. He turns into a bloody nightmare then, trying to show everyone he's the boss. It's ridiculous, really, got some kind of complex or something.”

Harry looked at Charlie and couldn't imagine him ever being anything but cute. He really loved animals, always had. Especially dogs and puppies. They were loyal and loving and protective if you raised them right, they were your best friend and would never betray you. Sometimes Harry thought he liked dogs better than people. But his mum had never let him have one, none of them had enough time at home to care for one.

“Mind if I sit?” Louis asked then and Harry shook his head, putting his camera aside to make room for him. It made the flower crown fall off his lap though and he had to save it quickly from Charlie's curious nose. He gently pushed his face away from his masterpiece.

“That's mine sadly, you can't have that, sweetheart,” he said in what his mum called his _animal-voice_ and petted Charlie some more as an apology.

Louis examined the crown in Harry's hand. “What is that though?”

Harry blushed. Yeah, great, just another weird girly thing he did that Louis wasn't supposed to find out about. He squeezed his nails into his palms.

“It's uh, um, a, uh, flower crown, I guess.”

“Can I see?”

Harry swallowed. There was no chance to hide it now, was there? “Uh, sure.”

Louis put Charlie's leash aside and carefully took the crown from Harry with two hands. He held it up in front of his face, cocking his head and turning it around to examine it. Harry just looked at him expectantly.

“Did you do it yourself?” Louis asked after a while and Harry nodded.

“Yeah, I, uh, I just do them sometimes. I mean, uh, just for fun.”

Louis nodded approvingly. “Good work there. My sister Lottie always used to make those in summer back in Donnie when we were kids, but to be honest she was kinda shit at it.” Harry tried to hide his smile. “The flowers always lost like half their petals before she was done.” Now Louis was looking at Harry. “This one's pretty good, though. Looks like a proper crown for a proper princess.”

Harry couldn't keep himself from smiling wide now, feeling warm and content under Louis' appreciation. “Thank you, Lou.”

And then Louis raised the crown above Harry's head and with a quick “Don't move” placed it on Harry's mop of curls. Harry held his breath. He could feel Louis' hands brush his cheeks and forehead as he arranged the crown the way he thought looked best. Their knees were bumping on the grass and Louis was pressing his lips together tightly as if putting the crown on Harry was the most difficult task ever and required perfect concentration.

But once he was happy with the result, he pulled back and looked Harry over. “It suits you,” he said and went to readjust Harry's fringe under the crown.

Harry just blushed some more. He didn't really know what to say, let alone what to do. Louis was looking at him like he was the sun and he didn't really think he was able to deal with that.

“Uh, thank you.”

Louis smiled at him. “You're really pretty.”

“Thank you.”

“You should wear flower crowns more often, you know.”

Harry sighed. “I want to.”

“Okay, then what's keeping you from it?”

The weight of the words lay heavy on Harry's heart. If only it was that easy. It probably was for Louis. But Louis was different. He was naturally more outgoing, prouder, happier. Everyone who saw him, everyone he talked to probably thought he was amazing, which was the truth. Louis was exciting and had fun in life, he seemed free of deep and dark worries, no horrible past to cast shadows over the present. He didn't care about what other people thought about him, even made a complete idiot out of himself in a restaurant by trying to balance spoons on his nose. Louis was... Louis was everything Harry aspired to be. But instead of being like him, he fell painfully in love with him. But at least he felt pretty right now under Louis' fond smile, even if the thought of wearing a flower crown in public was making him uncomfortable.

Suddenly Louis' gaze fell behind Harry. “Is that a Polaroid camera?” he asked and reached over his lap to get it.

Harry nodded. “Well, yes. My mum got it for me for my birthday. I, uh, I like taking pictures.”

Louis carefully turned it around in his hands and held it up higher as Charlie tried to lick it. “What kind of pictures?”

Harry shrugged. “Everything that looks nice.”

Louis just nodded at that. “Zayn's into photography as well. But I don't think he's ever used a Polaroid camera.”

“I don't know, I just like the look of it. It's vintage and stuff.”

“So is there some kind of hipster hiding inside you then?” Louis grinned.

Harry huffed. “What? No, I just like pretty things!” And oh, he hadn't wanted to say it like that.

But Louis just smiled at him. “I know you do.” Then he added, “Let me take a picture of you.”

Harry blushed. “W-what? No.” No way.

“Why not?” Louis pouted and then raised the camera to his head, focusing it on Harry.

“I don't like pictures of myself,” Harry pleaded. “I look horrible on them! Plus, I only have like two pictures left on the camera.” Okay, that was a lie, he had at least seven left, but Louis didn't have to know that.

Louis lowered the camera then, but he didn't give it back to him even though Harry reached out for it. “Curly, you said you like photos of pretty things, right?”

Harry sighed. Why would Louis never do what he was told? Still, he nodded.

Louis smiled winningly. “Good, then let me take a stupid picture of you now because you're prettier than most of the flowers in this park.”

And oh. Harry blushed. How could Louis be so sweet to him all the time? It wasn't fair. He could feel his heart already beating faster again.

“Please?” Louis begged with a soft voice and that was about all Harry needed to give in.

“Ugh, fine. One picture. But make sure it's focussed and everything, you only have one chance!”

Louis clicked his tongue. “One chance, got it.”

Harry sighed and carefully fixed his fringe to get the curls out of his eyes. When he looked up at Louis he already had the camera in front of his face. “Smile for me,” Louis asked.

Just in that moment Harry felt Charlie lick his hand again and it tickled so much it made him laugh out loud. Louis jumped at the chance and took a picture. All Harry could hear over his own giggling was the sound of the camera printing out a picture. He blushed as he realised what had happened. Once the camera had finished printing the photo, Louis was the fastest to reach for it.

Harry pouted. “Not fair.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest and tried to play offended, but Louis just leaned forward and kissed his flowery hair and that made it really hard for Harry to stay mad at him.

After a minute of Louis waving the picture around the image started to appear. First Harry's silhouette showed, then the trees and grass and then they could make out the flower crown on his head. Harry had to admit, he did look cute. Charlie wasn't on the picture since Louis had only focused on his head and part of his upper body, but the smile on his face seemed genuine and happy. Louis even told him about how sweet his dimples looked and yeah, he really had a habit of making Harry blush.

Louis gave him the camera back then and without a second thought he raised it to his face and looked through the little window to focus on Louis. When Louis realised what he had planned, he held a hand in front of the lens.

“No, don't.”

Harry huffed. “Why not? You took one of me, too.”

Louis groaned. “Yeah, well because you're wearing a flower crown and look pretty. But you don't want to waste your last picture on me.”

Harry frowned. Louis looked so beautiful, couldn't he see it? He was pretty, too, with his soft hair and light stubble and creative tattoos on his skin. Especially when he smiled so happy and free it lit up Harry's entire world.

“It's never wasted if it's a photo of you,” Harry said and he meant it.

“Harry...”

He shook his head. “Now shut up and let me take a picture of you. And smile.” He cleared his throat. “Please?”

Louis chuckled and thankfully gave in. “Yeah, okay, whatever.”

Harry smiled. “Yes, thank you!”

Apparently though, smile meant something else in Harry's world because Louis started making weird faces, sticking out his tongue or making peace signs in front of his face or winking stupidly.

“I will take a picture like this, you know,” Harry threatened him, but Louis just shook his head.

“Go ahead then. I'll be looking forward to seeing it plastered all over uni if that's what you want.”

Harry sighed and shook his head, then tried to get a good angle of Louis. Louis kept making faces at him, but one time he smiled far too wide and had his eyes wide open so his whole blue iris was showing and Harry took his chance.

Louis shook his head in disappointment. “You should have done it when I was posing like I was dying.”

The picture turned out to be not as stupid as they'd thought. Louis just looked a bit surprised but still happy and, in Harry's mind, definitely far too handsome to be legal. After they had deemed it a pretty good shot though, Harry put it away in a pocket of his bag.

Louis then explained that he had to bring Charlie back home. “I need at least twenty minutes home and his owners will probably be home again in less than forty.”

Harry looked down at the little hairy guy who by now had rolled himself together between his legs. He petted his head and it made Charlie wag his tail again.

He sighed. “Yeah, okay. I'll go home, too, I guess. I don't have much else to do today.”

Louis got up first and held his hand out to Harry who happily let himself be hoisted to his feet, this time without almost falling into Louis' arms.

But just as they were about to turn around and leave Louis' gaze fell onto one of the dandelions in the grass. A white one. He plucked it and Harry was surprised when Louis held it up in front of his face and said, “Make a wish.”

Harry blinked. “What?”

“I said, make a wish. Blow on it and then wish for something. But don't tell me or else it won't come true.”

Harry chuckled. “This is pretty childish, Louis.”

Louis raised his eyebrows. “Says the guy who talks to dogs with the most ridiculous voice.”

Oh. Harry took in a breath to say something in return, but he couldn't think of anything, damn him. Instead he just muttered an annoyed “Fine” and then closed his eyes.

Louis make an approving noise. “Good boy.”

And _that_ almost made Harry choke, almost. But he kept it together and managed to blow on the flower as hard as possible, making the little seeds fly everywhere.

When he opened his eyes, Louis was still looking at him. “Made a wish, Curly?”

Harry nodded. Yes. His wish was standing right in front of him.

Once they had left the park and had to part ways he said goodbye to Charlie first, then to Louis who gave him a kiss on the head.

“You should really keep the flower crown on, though,” Louis finally said before he gave Harry a last smile and turned around.

Harry managed to keep the crown on for about a minute after Louis was gone before he felt like he was going to die of embarrassment and had to take it off. He felt bad for not being able to do what Louis had asked. He felt bad for being _embarrassed_. He wished he was more like Louis. He surely would have worn that crown with pride, like the king of the most beautiful kingdom in the world. Sometimes Harry felt like a peasant next to him.

Back home in his flat Harry was putting his camera back on his shelf when he remembered the Polaroid picture of Louis. He took it from the pocket and looked at it. Louis was smiling at him and Harry smiled back. He thought this was possibly his favourite picture he had ever taken. But to be fair, Louis in a field of yellow dandelions was hard to beat.

Harry looked around and then decided to put the photo on his pinboard above his desk. A picture of a pink cherry tree had to go back to the box of pictures in his shelf for that, but it was a price Harry was happy to pay. Louis was a more beautiful sight anyway.

Just as he had put the box with picture away again he got a message from Louis.

_**Guess which band will come here next summer!** _

But Harry couldn't even take a guess before Louis added,

_**The Script! We totally need to go see them.** _

Harry agreed happily. That would really be amazing. Unfortunately, he hadn't been to a lot of concerts in his life so far, but just like Louis he had seen _The Script_ before and it had been one of his favourites. He definitely wasn't opposed to seeing them again, especially if they could go together. Louis sent him the date and Harry marked it in his phone calendar. They couldn't buy tickets yet, but Louis promised to get them two as soon as they were released.

Another week of meeting Louis between classes passed and each time Louis gave him a kiss to the corner of his mouth as hello and goodbye. It was innocent and they didn't do more than occasionally hold hands, just talked about their classes or made fun of the people passing them on their way, but Harry was so happy and thankful that Louis didn't push him.

Right now Harry was in the middle of shaving his legs in the bathtub as his phone rang and he recognised the sound he had put as the tone for an incoming message from Louis. He smiled.

_**Hey, Curly. Up for some fun? And by fun I mean watching a movie at home because Zayn is gone for the weekend and I finally tidied up a bit and I feel like that can't be for nothing.** _

_Yes, of course. I'll be there whenever you want._

**_So obedient. ;) How about six then? I can get Chinese again._ **

Harry swallowed at the first message. He felt his face get hot, and, to his horror, his cock twitch. With trembling hands he typed,

_Yeah, sure, sounds good. I'll see you then._

Louis just sent the thumbs up emoji and then Harry put his phone on the toilet again and sunk deeper into the warm water. His mind drifted back to Louis' message. _Obedient_. Harry let out a whine. Yes, yes he was, he knew he was, but only for Louis. He would do anything for him, gladly, cook for him, clean for him, get on his knees for him...

Harry felt his cock stiffen at the thought and before he knew what was happening he was jerking off to the thought of sucking Louis' cock while Louis called him a good boy. Tiny whimpers of “Lou” and “daddy” left his lips and he came right as his first wet finger breached his hole. Harry let his head fall back and rested it on the edge of the tub as he calmed down. God, he wanted Louis so bad.

His little activity had ruined the water though, so instead he got into the shower to rinse the shampoo out of his hair and shave the rest of his leg. As he noticed the nail polish on his fingers he became worried. But then he remembered that it was Louis and he had said that it made Harry look pretty and so he gathered all his courage and kept it on.

He rang the doorbell of Louis' flat at dead on six o'clock and was greeted with the glorious sight of Louis in a tank top and jeans. It had gotten much warmer throughout the past couple of weeks and Harry changed to just wearing t-shirts now, even if he sometimes missed his sweaters and how he could hide himself in them completely if he wanted to. Louis noticed Harry staring and just winked at him, which made Harry blush. He was sure it must have been written all over his face how hard he was falling for Louis and how fit Harry thought he was.

They ate mostly in silence, both too hungry to make pauses for talking. Harry had brought Louis a few leftover chocolate chip cookies that he had made a few days ago and Louis was more than happy about that. Turns out Louis was the kind of person to eat sweets whenever he could, tons of them even after a whole meal. When Harry handed him the cookies Louis smirked at him.

“I bet they're sweet, but not as sweet as you.”

Harry kind of wanted to punch him for the horrible joke, but instead he just buried his head in the crook of his neck and blushed. Once they had put the empty boxes of food away Louis asked Harry to choose the movie. He was a bit anxious to do that, though. Usually he liked to watch romcoms, but wasn't that a bit embarrassing?

Louis helped him out when he saw him hesitate. “Hey, should we just search for romantic comedies on Netflix and then see what we find?” he suggested and Harry's face lit up. Either Louis knew him too well or they really did have the same taste in films. Both thoughts made him smile. Louis gave him the remote and eventually he got stuck on _The Notebook_ , his favourite romcom. Louis nodded approvingly. “One of my favourites.”

“Mine too,” Harry mumbled and so it was decided.

This time Harry stayed awake throughout the whole film. He was resting his head on Louis' shoulder like last time, legs crooked and up on the couch. Louis absentmindedly played with his hair and Harry felt like if he had been a cat he would have started to purr. As the end credits rolled over the screen, he looked up at Louis. Their eyes met and Louis gave him a kiss on his hair, then on his forehead.

“I really like your nail polish today,” he whispered and his face was so close Harry could feel the warmth of his breath on his skin.

He smiled. “Thank you. It's, uh, it's a new colour.”

Louis smiled back. “Well, I like it.” Then, after a pause he added, “It's William, by the way.”

Harry cocked his head. “What?”

“My middle name. William.” He held one finger high like one of Harry's professors did whenever he recited a paragraph from Shakespeare. “No telling middle names until the third date,” Louis grinned. “Well, it is our third date, isn't it?”

Harry hadn't considered this a real date, but he wasn't opposed to it. _Louis William Tomlinson_. He liked the name. “Mine's Edward.”

Louis buried his head in Harry's curls. “Mhhh, makes you even more of a prince.” Harry squirmed, but then held his breath as Louis added, “Or princess.”

Harry really couldn't hold back a whimper now, not when Louis called him _that_. Just a second later he felt Louis' hand rub over his back, playing with the strands of hair at the back of his neck. It made him glance up at Louis. His pupils were blown wide, only a bit of blue left around them, and his lips were pressed together tightly, his fringe messy where he had rubbed his face into Harry's hair. Harry swallowed. He could feel the tension between them and it almost made him combust. Because the thing was: Louis was _right there._ All he had to do was lean forward and kiss him, an actual kiss, but with so so many things in life, he didn't have the courage.

So instead with a million rioting butterflies in his stomach he asked, “What else do you do at third dates?” His lips were parted after he finished, releasing unsteady puffs of air, and Louis' gaze flicked from his eyes to his lips as he smirked.

“This.”

And then he leaned forward to close the distance and Harry could see his whole world explode in the blue of his eyes before he finally felt Louis' lips on his. The truth was, no movie or book or story or explanation could have ever prepared him for this. For the way it felt kissing Louis William Tomlinson, on an old couch in a room that smelled of coffee and food when it was almost midnight and there was no one else around to interrupt. It was bliss.

Harry hadn't kissed a lot of people in his life. He was still inexperienced, shy in the way he didn't really move much, so he let Louis lead. It was innocent at first, just a press of lips against his, but when Louis' hands started settling in his hair and on his lower back Harry started pushing into the touch. A little whimper left his lips and Louis took that as an invitation to deepen the kiss. And oh, yes, Louis' tongue was hot and wet as he licked over his lips and then into his mouth, making Harry melt into his arms. He tasted of the coke they had been drinking the entire evening, sweet and so much like Louis it made Harry sigh into his mouth.

They fit together, was the thing. Louis' hands on his body fit around every edge and every curve and when he sucked Harry's lower lip into his mouth and lightly bit down on it it felt as if this was meant to be. Harry could only take it in, let Louis kiss him and lick into his mouth and trace his lips with his tongue. There was nothing shy about it anymore, not when Harry was clawing at Louis' shoulders to save himself from drowning. But it was good, so good, and even though kissing released some tension the room had never felt more charged.

Suddenly, Louis' hands settled on his bum and before Harry could panic Louis pushed him up and pulled him into his lap. His hands immediately started wandering up again and Harry placed his legs on either side of Louis as he continued kissing him. This position was much more comfortable and he could feel Louis' smile against his lips as Harry relaxed and tried to get even closer, wrapping his arms around his neck.

It wasn't long until the first moan left his lips. Louis pulled back then, giving them a moment to breathe and Harry could feel his lips slick and puffy, his face hot and goosebumps all over his body. Louis didn't look much better, glossy eyes, red lips, and Harry just wanted to kiss him again. Wanted to cover his face with kisses, feel his eyelasher flutter under his touch and trace the line of his cheekbones and jaw with his tongue. Everything. But Louis pulled him from his thoughts.

“Is this alright?”

Of course Louis was considerate even while making out. Harry just nodded quickly because yes, yes, this was more than alright, this was perfect. This was what he had wanted for _weeks_.

“Are you sure?” Louis continued, but he didn't wait for Harry's response as he added, “Because this might lead to a few problems, especially if you keep grinding your bum like that.”

Harry blushed. Oh, he hadn't even noticed that he'd done that. But Louis didn't sound mad or disgusted, no, he was licking his lips and still holding Harry's waist and yeah, Harry wanted it. He could feel his own cock half hard as well.

“Yeah, no, it's fine,” he whispered against Louis' mouth before he started kissing him again and that seemed to wash away Louis' last doubts. He felt Louis grip his thighs a bit harder, massaging the skin through his jeans and making Harry moan. So he ground his hips faster into Louis' lap, could feel his bulge grow thicker, poking against his bum. Harry did his best to grind against it while at the same time trying to rub the front of his crotch against Louis' stomach, searching for friction on his own hardening cock.

They didn't stop for a while. Neither of them had enough strength to pull away from this, wet open-mouthed kisses and Louis leaving marks on Harry's skin that made him whimper. Until suddenly Louis lifted Harry off his lap, leaving Harry startled and unsure. Maybe he had done something wrong? But Louis just lay down flat on the couch and then pulled him right back on top.

“Just wanted to get more comfortable, love, make this a bit better.”

Harry could only nod before Louis leaned up to kiss him again. This time Louis' hands wandered down his body until he was squeezing his ass through his pants and Harry could feel their cocks grind against each other through their clothes. A first drop of precum fell from his cock and dampened his pants and Harry whimpered. Louis under him was moaning as well, not as loud, but Harry soaked each sound up with his lips and tongue. He was starting to get bolder now, his hands roaming around Louis' chest through his t-shirt, nails scraping over his muscles. But he didn't make an effort to get his shirt off, no, he would never want Louis to do something that he knew he wouldn't be able to reciprocate.

They kept grinding for long, Louis occasionally squeezing Harry's bum and pushing him down harder, pulling a moan from his lips. Harry loved how Louis started whispering sweet nothings into his ear as he kissed him all over his face, neck and as far down as his shirt allowed. He liked how Louis held him tight and guided him, kept him right where he wanted and took control of the situation. But he never held him too tight, just enough to let him know that if he wanted to, he could have Harry at his mercy. And yeah, maybe the thought got Harry off, too.

“You're so pretty, you know that? So so pretty.” Louis' voice sounded deep and breathy as he spoke. “Been wanting you for so- ah, so long.”

Harry whined into his skin at Louis' words and only started grinding harder. His cock was throbbing now, more and more precum soaking into his pants. He wouldn't have stopped this for anything. Louis was rock hard beneath him as well and the thought that _he_ was doing that, that _he_ was getting Louis so hot and hard was not only turning him on even more but also made him happy and even a bit proud.

And just when Harry thought he couldn't hold out much longer Louis' hands wandered from his back to the front of his pants. That, however, did make Harry panic. Of course Louis would want to undress him. Of course he wouldn't want to just dry-hump like horny teens in a school bathroom. It made Harry stop his movements.

It wasn't hard to notice that something was wrong, so Louis asked, “Is this okay?”

Harry swallowed. No, it wasn't. But he couldn't tell Louis that. It would just hurt him or make him think he didn't want him. Which he did. Oh God, how much he did.

His voice was a bit raspy as he asked, “Can we, uh, just like, keep doing it like this, uh, with the, uh, I mean–”

Louis kissed him to shut him up, which worked just perfectly. When he pulled back, he smiled up at him comfortingly. “Of course. Whatever you want, princess.”

Harry shuddered at the nickname and his hands clutched Louis' shirt so tight he was sure it must rip any second. Louis soothingly rubbed his back and kissed his hair, then his cheek, then his lips and it gave Harry the confidence to start moving his hips again.

After that, it didn't take them long to come. With Louis still whispering sweet things into his ear, calling him “princess” every few times, it got Harry so riled up he came into his pants with a choked out moan. Louis came quickly after that, with Harry doing his best above him and sitting up a bit to grind his ass against his hard cock. Louis pulled Harry down into his arms once he came down from his orgasm and Harry felt sated and happy.

“You were so good, princess. Did so well.”

Harry keened at the praise and rubbed his nose against Louis' damp neck. His lips tingled and he was sweaty and spent and his clothes probably smelled of Louis now and it all just made him grin. Louis tilted his chin up and kissed his dimple and then gave him a light smack on the bum.

“Sorry having to ruin this, but I really need to get out of these pants now, and I reckon you do, too.”

Harry nodded. He didn't want to leave this little bubble of him and Louis and the warmth of their bodies, but there were only few things that were more uncomfortable than drying come in his pants, so he was happy to get out of them. He scrambled to get off of Louis' legs and the sofa and almost fell over as soon as he stood upright. His legs were still weak and a bit shaking. Louis just chuckled at that while Harry blushed.

Louis left then and a minute later came back in new jeans, throwing a pair of simple black briefs at Harry. He thanked him and then went to the bathroom to get changed. Even though he knew it was useless he tried to get a bit of the come off his pants, but it didn't really work. He sighed. Those were probably ruined.

When he had changed and went back to the living room Louis had poured them both a glass of water. Harry gladly took it and gulped down the whole glass in one go. Grinding against Louis for so long truly made thirsty.

After he had put the glass in the sink he felt uncomfortable silence creeping up on them. Louis was back on the couch and Harry could feel him staring at him. His nails were boring into his palms. He still couldn't believe what had just happened.

When he turned around, Louis smiled at him warmly. It was comforting, Louis even padded the couch next to him to tell Harry to come back, but he stayed where he was.

“It's already late, I should probably go home now.”

That wasn't even a lie. It was just... all a lot. And he liked Louis so much, he didn't want to creep him out now and ruin the evening by saying or doing something stupid. Louis had just given him something so beautiful, he was scared he would just end up messing it up, even if he just started being too clingy.

Louis sighed. “Yeah, alright, you probably should. Give me a minute to go to the bathroom, then I'll walk you home.”

Harry just nodded and waited for Louis to come back. He sat down on the couch staring at the empty boxes of food and smiled dumbly. Yeah, this had really just happened.

When Louis came back he took Harry's hands from his lap and leaned down to give him a kiss (because apparently this was something they did now, kissing, and Harry was _so_ happy). He pulled him up to his feet and once he stood he lifted one of Harry's hands up to his lips to kiss it. Harry couldn't help but notice how his nail polish had almost the same colour as Louis' lips.

And then Louis turned his hand around and suddenly Harry's marks on his palm were on full display. Harry could feel his face get hot. His instinct was to pull his hand back immediately, but Louis had a tight grip on him and as he looked at Harry's face he started caressing the skin soothingly with his thumb. His touch was calming, relaxing, and for a minute Harry could forget about the pain and all the embarrassment that came with these marks.

Louis smiled at him. “They look like half moons,” he mused. And yeah, that's what Harry called them, too. But then Louis brought his hand up to his mouth again to kiss his palm and in a serious tone he added, “But I don't want you to hurt yourself.”

Harry could only stare down at his feet.

Half an hour later, Louis had brought him right to his doorstep and kissed him goodbye on the lips. Harry thought his heart might just burst. He still didn't know if they were real boyfriends or not, but something in him told him they kind of were.

*

Harry was the first to text Louis the next morning. He asked when he should come around to return his briefs, washed of course, but Louis said it wasn't important, he could just bring them around the next time. They kept texting throughout the day, Louis praising Harry's baking skills as he ate one of his cookies and Harry telling him about the dramatic play he had to read and analyse for class. Since Louis studied drama he was actually interested in it, even helped Harry figure out a few things. In the end they had three pages of notes on different aspects that Harry had to analyse and he thought they were a pretty good team. _The best_ , Louis texted as Harry told him and this time he wasn't embarrassed sending the heart eyes emoji.

When he had his literature class the next week, the boy who usually sat next to him, Niall, walked up to him after they had left the lecture hall. They weren't really friends, but they did all the partner works together and Harry thought that Niall was funny and had a funny accent. Also, he was the kind of guy everyone liked and who was hard to hate.

“Hey, Harry, do you think you can help me with the, uh, assignment?”

Harry turned to face him. “The analysis you mean?”

Niall nodded. “Yeah yeah, that one. Look, I got the basics and stuff, I'm just not good at putting it all into one big text. I was wondering if you could have a look at it once I'm finished before we have to hand it in.”

They were walking outside as they talked and Harry felt the warmth of the sun on his skin. The weather had gotten even hotter and sunnier the past days and he had planned to try to get some good pictures of flowers again soon.

“Yes, sure, I can help you,” he smiled and Niall was visibly relieved.

“You're always really good at this literature stuff. I'm more of the history type, you know. The history of our language or of England and Ireland and stuff, that's more my thing.”

Harry shrugged. “I guess everyone likes different things.”

Niall padded his back at that, hard, and it made Harry wince. “Damn right.”

But then there was someone blocking their way. Harry looked up and...

“Louis?”

Louis' gaze flicked from Harry to Niall and Niall seemed visibly annoyed that someone was standing in his sun.

“Hey, Harry, you alright?” Louis then asked, smiling a bit too wide for Harry's liking.

Harry furrowed his brows. Louis was acting weird. “Yes, sure.” He glanced at him again, then turned to Niall. “Niall, this is Louis, my...”

He didn't know how to end the sentence, but Louis took that decision from him. “Boyfriend,” he finished and wrapped an arm around Harry as he said it. That got Harry's heart racing again in a millisecond.

Niall nodded. “Nice to meet you. I'm Niall, from Harry's literature class.”

Louis smiled at him for a second and it seemed like Louis was about to say something, but suddenly someone shouted his name. They all turned to where the voice came from and Harry saw Zayn sit under a tree, gesturing at Louis that he should come back.

Louis sighed. “Alright, duty calls. Zayn still needs help with his bloody art project.”

“It's still nice that you help him,” Harry said and Louis groaned.

“As I said, I wish he'd be as generous when _I_ need help.” He turned to Niall, then to Harry. “Anyway, nice to meet you, Niall. And Harry, I'll text you when I'm home, okay?”

Harry nodded. Louis squeezed his hip, then leaned forward to give him a kiss. Harry froze. Louis just smiled warmly at him as he pulled back. “Bye, baby,” he said as he turned around and went back to Zayn who was visibly annoyed by now.

Harry was still in shock. Louis had just kissed him in public. Kissed him. And called him _baby_. On campus, where everyone else could see and hear. And the most surprising thing about it, he was still alive and no one was catcalling him and no one stared at him with a disgusted face.

Suddenly, Niall next to him was laughing. “Man, your boyfriend is jealousy on a whole new level, wow.”

It pulled Harry back from his thoughts. “What?”

He still grinned. “Haven't you noticed? God, you must be whipped.”

Harry didn't really know what Niall meant, but he didn't mention it. What was rather on his mind was the fact that Louis had called himself Harry's boyfriend. _Boyfriend._ So they really were a couple then. Harry smiled. He was in a relationship, and not just with anyone, but with the funniest, kindest, most amazing, gorgeous and caring boy in the world. Life had never been better than right now. 

The butterflies in his stomach fluttered around wildly as he and Niall left the campus and the feeling of happiness wouldn't go away. His lips still tingled where Louis had kissed him and his hip still burned where Louis had squeezed it. Harry didn't know it was possible to feel this good. They both took the tube back home, just in different directions, so Harry said Niall goodbye at the station and promised him again to proofread his essay once it was finished.

Back at home he looked for train tickets and soon called his mum and sister to tell them that he would come to see them the weekend in two weeks. The Friday before that date his professor had some important appointment so he had his last lecture off which meant he could take the train two hours earlier.

Friday was the day he met Louis again. But when Harry said he wanted to go to _his_ place again, despite Zayn definitely being there this time, Louis got curious.

“Why don't you want me to see your flat?” he asked as they were on the phone and it made Harry press his nails into his palms. He realised that he hadn't done that in a few days as he felt that there were no marks anymore.

“The, uh, the mechanics, uh–”

“Don't lie to me,” Louis said and his tone made sure Harry knew he was being serious. “Is there something you don't want me to see?”

Harry sighed in defeat. He had never been a good liar. And he especially couldn't lie to Louis. But he didn't explain himself, just stayed quiet. Louis seemed to know he had hit the mark.

“Are you afraid I won't like the way you live?”

 _Yes_ , he wanted to scream. Instead he swallowed and tried to save the sitaution. “N-no, it's just–”

“Because you know I like you a lot and I would never make fun of you for who you are or what you like or how you live,” Louis interrupted him. Harry bit his lip as he listened. “You know you can be who you are around me and I will never judge you for anything. I would love to visit you at your flat, see how you live.”

And Harry actually considered it. He could still, like, put a few flowers away, put white towels instead of lilac ones out in the bathroom and carefully get the Liam poster off his door. But then again... This, hopefully, this relationship, he wanted it to last and he wouldn't be able to live hiding half of himself from Louis. And he couldn't do all those changes around his flat every time Louis came around. No. If Louis was coming, he would see things how they were. And maybe, Harry thought, just maybe he would even like what he'd find?

Harry took a deep breath before he said, “Okay.” He closed his eyes. “You can come over. But you can't laugh.”

He wanted to sound strict, maybe a bit annoyed, but it came out more helpless than anything else.

Louis' voice sounded soft and Harry could hear a smile in it. “Of course I won't, love. I can't wait. I'll see you in a few hours.”

They said goodbye and when the call had ended, Harry grabbed his diary and spent the next hour writing down all those things about Louis that he had experienced the past weeks. He added a heart on the _i_ in Louis' name each time just for good measure.

The more time passed though, the more nervous Harry became. There were still a lot of things Louis didn't know about him, and yeah, maybe Louis liked it when Harry painted his nails, but that didn't mean he also liked flowers everywhere, pink bedsheets, rosy bubble bath or all the other things that made Harry feel insecure about himself. He knew he liked a lot of girly things, but he couldn't help himself, he just did. And he didn't want to scare Louis away with that. Maybe this was all too much. Maybe Harry was too girly for him and Louis wanted someone more masculine. Wouldn't be the first time that happened to him.

To get his mind off of things, Harry started preparing dinner. He remembered Louis saying something about loving casseroles when they'd had dinner at the Italian restaurant, so he decided to make something like that. He hoped Louis was hungry. He put it into the oven and then spent half an hour cleaning the kitchen up and texting his sister before he had to turn the oven off unless they wanted a burned casserole. Louis still wasn't there, though.

A few minutes later the doorbell rang and Harry's heart was in his throat. He swallowed and slowly made his way to the door. The past hours he had forced himself not to change anything around the flat, wanting to show Louis everything. Because if Louis didn't like it, then Harry would have to live with that, even if he didn't think he could survive that.

“Hi, Curly,” Louis greeted him at the door with a kiss and Harry slid his hands around his neck to kiss him a few more times. Louis didn't complain, even squeezed Harry's bum. He seemed to really like that part of him and of course Harry didn't mind.

He held his breath as he let Louis in and closed the door behind him. Louis' gaze immediately settled on the pink flower cushions on the sofa, the light blue wall paint and then on the pink rose on the small table next to the door. Harry bit his lip.

“Wow, it's so...” Louis began and Harry was scared of what he'd say. Girly? Pink? Feminine? Ugly? “... tidy,” Louis finished and Harry looked at him. “I don't think I've ever stepped into a room this clean. Wow. Did you do that just for me?”

Harry stared at his feet and shook his head. “No, it's always like this. My mum always told me to put the stuff back where I take it from and if you do that it just kind of stays like this.”

Louis gave him a kiss on his hair. “Well, it's really pretty. And I wish I was like that. My mum always complained about me. I'm the most chaotic person ever.”

Harry smiled. “I don't mind.”

Louis smiled back. “I know. By the way, your flat really suits you.”

Harry frowned. “What do you mean?”

Louis cleared his throat. “Well, uh, I see a lot of flowers and I don't know, you're kinda like one. You're pretty and delicate, but I have a feeling that when people mistreat you, you lose your pretty colourful petals quickly. Which is a shame really, you're the most beautiful when you're blooming.”

Harry blushed and stared at Louis in awe. Louis just rubbed his neck and avoided looking at him.

“Sorry, that was sappy. Don't think I'm so poetic all the time.” He coughed. “All I wanted to say is: I like your flat. Nothing to be ashamed of.”

Harry took two steps, wrapped his arms around Louis and kissed him. He smiled against his lips. “Thank you.”

They sat down on the sofa and Louis grabbed one of the pink pillows to put it behind his back. Harry thought he was just really trying hard to make him feel like it was all okay and he appreciated that so much.

“So,” Louis eventually said, “how about dinner? I didn't bring Chinese, that's what we always have.”

Harry's eyes lit up at the mention of dinner and he quickly got up again. “I'm glad you didn't, because I made dinner already!”

“You did _what?_ ”

When Louis came over to look, Harry had already gotten the casserole out of the oven. It was still hot and smelled delicious and Harry couldn't wait to taste it himself.

“I remembered you said you liked this stuff when we were at the restaurant, so I thought I'd make some for you.”

Harry felt arms wrap around him from behind and then Louis was pulling him close and kissing his shoulder. He chuckled. “You're an angel.”

Harry smiled and then pushed Louis off so he could get two plates and something to drink. They ate on the sofa, just like they always did at Louis' place, and Harry was really happy when Louis praised him a million times for the food. They did the dishes together, Louis drying everything up and occasionally splashing water in Harry's face or tickling his sides. Harry was very ticklish and Louis had way too much fun finding that out about him.

It took them longer than it should to clean the dishes, but once they were done they sat back down on the sofa. Louis had just settled down when Harry climbed into his lap and started kissing him. Louis made a sound of surprise, but then reciprocated the kiss just as eager. It didn't start out slow as it did the first time, instead Harry pushed his tongue between Louis' lips and moaned.

“What's gotten into you?” Louis asked out of breath and Harry just shrugged while kissing Louis' neck.

“Nothing, 's just you.”

Harry didn't know what it was either. He just _wanted_ Louis. This whole day he had worried so much about what Louis might think of him, what he might say or if he might leave him, but then he just came here and said the flat was pretty and told Harry he was like a flower and then praised his food and called him angel and Harry just felt like he couldn't contain the happiness anymore. He needed to let it _out_. And God, Louis looked so sexy in his black skinny jeans and red plaid shirt Harry couldn't hold back any longer. Plus, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about their last date, the way it had felt to hear Louis moan and to feel Louis' hands on his body. He was craving a repeat.

Louis went back to kissing him quickly, leading the kiss and settling his hands on Harry's bum just like last time. Harry started grinding and could feel himself and Louis getting hard, but before they could finish off he stopped. There was something he wanted to do, something he had dreamed of ever since he had been riding his pink toy thinking of Louis weeks ago and he thought this was the perfect time. Harry stilled his hips and licked his way up Louis' neck, kissing the veins sticking out, and right as his mouth was next to his ear he whispered,

“I want to suck you off.”

He felt Louis' immediate response, his hips bucking up and his grip tightening on Harry's waist, a tiny moan leaving his lips. “Fuck, yeah, but, are you sure?”

Harry nodded quickly. “Very. And I don't want anything in return. I just want to suck you off. I really do.”

Louis was still hesitant. But then Harry looked straight into his eyes as he pleaded, “Please, Lou, can I suck your cock?”

And that was apparently all the convincing Louis needed because he crashed his lips back onto Harry's and pushed his hips up against his bum. “God, yeah, please, baby.”

Harry let himself be kissed for a few more seconds before he carefully got off Louis' lap and slid down onto the floor. He had to push the table back a few inches to get enough room and it made him blush. Now that he was really about to do it, though, he started panicking a bit. He had never sucked a guy off before, didn't really know what to do. All his knowledge came from the Internet, but this was real. Louis' real cock would be in his mouth and oh, he wanted it _bad_. So he looked up at Louis, somehow waiting for a sign, and then Louis smiled down at him and caressed his cheek.

“You're so pretty, princess. It's fine. We'll take it slow, okay?”

Harry beamed when he heard the nickname and nodded.

“Why don't you just start with taking off my jeans, huh?”

He nodded a second time and then slowly started popping the button on Louis' jeans, pulling down the zipper. His hands were shaking and his heart was beating at least a hundred times per minute. He had always imagined being on his knees for someone, but now that he was it felt surreal. But in a good way because this was Louis and Harry wanted to be good for him and show him much he liked him, wanted to give something back.

Once he had the jeans open Louis lifted his hips to push them down over his bum, then Harry pulled them down even further. He swallowed. Louis was already at least half hard and there was a tiny wet spot where precum must have leaked from his tip. It made Harry moan. He wanted to taste it. He slowly lifted his hand to the bulge and started stroking Louis' clothed cock with his fingertips. Louis let out a sigh at that, so Harry grabbed his whole dick, just jerking it a few times. It felt hot and heavy even through his pants and he couldn't imagine how it would feel in his mouth. He really wanted to find out.

“Can you, uh, your pants...?”

Harry blushed. He hadn't even seen Louis' cock yet and he was already unable to form proper sentences. But Louis didn't seem to notice, just lifted his hips up and then Harry was pulling his pants down. Louis' cock slapped against his stomach and it was already _so hard_ , oh God. It just bobbed a few times in front of Harry's face and he licked his lips. It wasn't quite as long as his own cock but a good bit thicker and he could feel his dick twitch, a drop of precum soaking into his pants.

“Harry,” Louis whispered above him and that brought him back. Right. He had a cock to suck.

He wrapped his hand around the hot flesh and started stroking it for a bit. He didn't really know if he should go slow or fast, so he just settled for a moderate pace and flicked his wrist at the tip, something he liked a lot himself. Louis seemed to enjoy it as well because he moaned, which was all the motivation Harry needed to slowly lean forward and place a kiss on the tip. He licked his lips and then did it again, sliding his tongue around the head as well, slowly getting used to the feeling and the taste. It was different but not bad and he had already tasted his own come once so he kind of knew what to expect when he started sucking at the tip and a drop of precum rolled onto his tongue.

“Fuck, Harry, you're doing so well, baby.”

Harry pulled off for a second but kept jerking him off as he took a second to breathe. “Thank you,” he replied and then went back to kissing, licking and sucking at the head.

He did that for a while before Louis got impatient. “Just try to get a bit more into your mouth, okay? But don't choke.”

Harry nodded and then wrapped his mouth around the cock, leaning forward as far as he could without gagging. He still only had a bit less than half of Louis' cock in his mouth, but he knew that he would get better with time. He was already glad Louis liked it at all.

When Louis let out a breathy “Oh fuck, yeah, so hot” Harry started to move his head back and forth. Louis' cock was lying heavy and warm on his tongue and he had to admit, he liked it. He tried sucking at the same time as bobbing his head and moving his tongue and it was all pretty uncoordinated and messy. Soon he felt spit dribble down his chin, but the feeling of Louis' cock twitching inside his mouth turned him on and he didn't want to stop. More precum leaked from his tip as Louis let out a satisfied sigh and Harry moaned around Louis' dick, which apparently was a good thing because then Louis let out a moan as well.

“Fuck, princess, you're doing so well.” Harry shivered at the praise. Louis must have noticed that he liked it because then he added, “Being so good for me. Love your mouth.”

Harry let out another moan at that and started bobbing his head faster. More precum dripped onto his tongue and he pulled off a few times to swallow, ghosting his lips over the sides of Louis' cock, circling the head and dipping his tongue into the slit. He loved the salty taste and the smell of Louis' skin, it got him off as well. Especially when Louis kept praising him and his hands fell into Harry's hair.

“Yeah yeah, keep doing that, fuck, I'm close.”

Harry doubled his efforts and he could feel Louis' hands tangle in his hair. He didn't pull or push him, just rested his hands there, grounding him, reminding him that he was there and that Harry was doing good. He loved how worked up he got Louis. With one hand he started jerking off the base of his cock, the other settled onto Louis' thigh, gripping the flesh. Harry had closed his eyes and just felt the jerks of Louis' cock in his mouth and the way his own dick strained against the fabric of his pants. He was starting to really enjoy himself and began moaning around Louis' cock, taking a bit more into his mouth now that he had gotten used to it, swallowing the precum and spit while a bit still dribbled down his chin and fell onto his lap. The blue of his nails stuck out against the red colour of Louis' cock and he thought it looked kind of pretty.

“You look so good, princess,” Louis moaned again, gripping onto Harry's hair tighter which made Harry whimper in return. “Made for this. Love you so much, doing so well for me. Perfect.”

Harry looked up at Louis as he kissed the pink tip of his cock and he saw that Louis had his eyes closed and his head thrown back. His thighs were trembling under Harry's touch and his moans became louder. Harry suspected that he was about to come any second, so he braced himself for it and sank down again, bobbing his head and pressing his tongue against the vein on the underside.

“Fuck, yeah, I'm gonna come, baby– ah, shit, you don't, ah, don't have to swallow, can just jerk me off.”

But if Harry did something, he did it right, and he didn't mind Louis coming in his mouth. He wanted it. He wanted to be good for Louis. So when after a few more bobs of his head Harry felt a first spurt of come land on his tongue, he quickly opened his mouth and let just the tip of his cock rest on his tongue while he jerked him off. That way he could catch all the come. Louis moaned and Harry saw him stare down at him, cheeks flushed and eyes glossy, pupils blown wide.

When Louis' cock had stopped spurting, Harry just jerked it a few more times while it was still hard and then let it fall out of his mouth. He swallowed the come that had landed on his tongue, then licked around his lips and wiped his wet chin where some come had trickled down.. He gave Louis a cheeky grin and then leaned forward to give his half-hard cock a last lick and kiss to the tip.

“Fuck.”

That was all Louis said and Harry was pleased with himself. He had made Louis come, that was all that mattered.

“Come up here, princess,” Louis asked and pulled Harry up into his lap. His pants were still at his feet but he didn't seem to care.

Harry didn't want to kiss Louis because he probably tasted like his come, but Louis didn't mind and pulled Harry in regardless. He moaned at the drag of Louis' tongue against his own and that made him realise that yes, he was indeed hard, very much so, and his cock hurt and his pants felt wet from all the precum. He whimpered and buried his head in the crook of Louis' neck, gripping his shirt. He didn't want Louis to return the blowjob or even just give him a handjob, no, he didn't want to undress, but he needed some relief. Maybe Louis would just let him grind against his thigh? That was all he would need.

“Baby, you sure you don't want my help with that?” Louis offered and stroked his skin above his crotch, obviously ready to get his pants off as soon as Harry said the word.

But Harry just blushed and shook his head.

Louis sighed. “Alright then. But you were so good for me, princess. Made me come so hard.”

The words sent shivers down Harry's spine and he felt his cock twitch again in his pants. It made him moan, loud. Oh God, he needed to _come._

Louis was squeezing his hip. “We obviously need to do something about this though. I won't do anything if you don't want to, but you should go take care of it in the bathroom then. I don't mind.”

Normally, Harry would have brushed it off and pretended that he was fine, but sucking Louis' cock had really turned him on and gotten him hard as a rock. Even though he knew Louis probably felt really bad now that Harry refused his help, he couldn't help but accept his offer. He leaned back, pressed a quick kiss against his lips and mumbled a breathless “Thank you” as he scrambled off the couch. Louis gave him a light smack on the bum and chuckled as Harry passed him. He was blushing so hard he was glad Louis couldn't see his face as he walked to the bathroom.

Obviously, it didn't take Harry long to come. He was already harder than he'd ever been and the taste of Louis still in his mouth and the fading feeling of his warm cock on his tongue did the rest. And once he had come and calmed down, thinking about how it had felt, he knew he needed to do it again. Hopefully soon. Harry then washed his hands and took a look in the mirror. His lips were red and puffy, his cheeks pink and his hair an absolute mess where Louis had held onto him. To be honest, he truly looked like he'd had a wild night. It made him blush. It was a weird feeling, but good nonetheless.

Then he brushed his teeth to spare Louis having to taste himself again and just waited another minute. He half needed to calm down, half just stayed in the bathroom to not appear too desperate. It really hadn't taken him long to come after all. Even though Louis had probably been able to tell by his whimpers just how turned on the whole thing had gotten him.

When he came back to the living room Louis was still sitting on the couch but sideways, with his feet dangling off the armrest, completely dressed. He was flipping through a fashion magazine that had been lying on the table. Once he saw Harry he smiled at him and spread his legs. Harry took the invitation and settled down between his legs, his back pressed against Louis' warm chest.

“Thank you, you're amazing,” Louis whispered into his ear and Harry was content to just lie there and close his eyes for a while, listening to the sound of Louis' heartbeat as Louis occupied himself with the magazine.

*

Another two weeks passed in which Harry felt like he was invincible. The sun was shining brighter, the sounds of the birds were what woke him up in the morning and each kiss and embrace from Louis let the colours of the world burn more saturated. He was happy, something he hadn't thought would be possible. Butterflies fluttered around inside him at every hour of the day and fireworks went off whenever he got a text from Louis, whenever Louis took his hand and kissed his coloured fingernails, whenever he called him his princess when they hugged. It was like a sugar rush, keeping Harry giddy and excited and courageous.

It was Thursday before he would leave for home when Louis came over in the afternoon, one last time before they would be separated for three days. It seemed like an eternity for Harry whose life now seemed to revolve around everything that was Louis, kind of like the earth went around the sun, no matter what. But then again, Louis kind of _was_ the sun. At least to him.

It was Harry who had eventually initiated making out, climbing into his favourite spot on Louis' lap, immediately feeling Louis embrace him. Every time he kissed him felt like a million little electric shocks went through him, giving him goosebumps all over his skin and setting his insides on fire. There was nothing that compared to it, and in a scary revelation he thought there would never ever be anything like this ever again.

They kissed for a while until they were both half hard and Louis' hands settled onto his bum. They had done something like this a few times now and Harry felt like he could be doing it forever. Just a few days ago he had sucked Louis off again, this time letting him come right down his throat, and Louis had said it had been even better than the first time, which made Harry proud. Still, Harry hadn't let Louis touch _him_ yet.

When they pulled apart to breathe, Louis' grip on his bum tightened. His lips found Harry's chin, then cheek, then ear and he whispered, “Why don't we take this to your bed, huh?”

It scared him. Louis hadn't seen his bedroom before and even after all this time he was still afraid Louis wouldn't like what he saw. It was a fear rooted deep inside his bones and it made him stiffen, wanting to be alone again. But Louis soothingly ran a hand up and down his back, calming him.

“Harry, love, don't you know you can trust me?”

Harry fought back tears. Yes, yes, he knew he could trust him. But he had thought that about Nick as well.

“Okay,” Harry mumbled then, but instead of getting off of Louis' lap he just hugged him tighter and buried his head in his shoulder.

Louis gave him a kiss to his hair, then Harry felt his hands back on his bum and before he knew it Louis stood up with him still in his lap, hoisting him into his arms. Harry yelped and wrapped his legs around him, trying not to make them both fall over. Louis carried him into the bedroom, using Harry's bum to push the door open on their way, and then Harry was slowly lowered onto the bed. He swallowed. The fact that Louis could carry him was kind of hot, especially since he wasn't too muscly and didn't look like he could carry that much, at least not someone like Harry who still had baby fat all over.

Once he'd put Harry down, he closed the door and took a look around the room. Harry could feel himself blush. Especially as Louis' gaze fell onto the poster of Liam on his door. Louis grinned at him and Harry felt another wave of embarrassment crash down on him.

“Liam Payne, huh? Well, I gotta admit I haven't listened to his music, but wow, he's hot.” Harry swallowed down the lump in his throat. “But I'm more into the soft ones anyway.”

Harry looked up and saw Louis smile at him. He smiled back. Louis didn't judge him. It made him feel warm and just a tiny bit happier.

“I love your room, baby. Love the poster and how you put the nail polish so they form a rainbow and how you look so pretty lying on those pink sheets. You're so pre–”

Louis paused, staring at the wall above the desk, and as Harry followed his gaze he saw why. Louis came closer to the pinboard above his desk and examined the pictures, more precisely one picture. The one Harry had taken of him in the field of dandelions a few weeks back and hung up there. So he would always have something to smile about when he looked up.

When Louis turned around to face Harry again, he was smiling wide. “I change my mind, I think you chose the perfect moment to take that photo.”

Harry felt his face get hot. “Thank you.”

“Still, no match to you and your pretty flower crown.”

Louis came closer to the bed as he said it and Harry had a massive blush by now, making Louis chuckle. Once he had reached the end of the bed, he leaned down to kiss Harry. “Why don't you just lay back for now, huh?”

Harry just nodded and then scrambled back up the bed, his heart pounding fast. He stared at Louis who gripped his shirt and then lifted it up over his head. And oh. Harry could feel his cock twitch. Right under his collarbone was a tattoo that stretched over the whole width of his torso and spelled _It is what it is._ Somehow it fit all his other tattoos that were randomly scattered across his arms and made him just look even more sexy. Really, Louis was just gorgeous.

“Like what you see?” he smirked as he caught Harry staring and Harry couldn't do anything but nod.

“Good,” Louis replied then, his hands wandering towards his crotch where Harry could see his cock bulging the fabric.

Before he knew it, Louis was naked except for his pants. Harry gulped. He was just _so fit_. His curves were beautiful and his legs strong and firm and oh God, his ass looked amazing. Louis was like a wet dream come true and Harry could feel himself starting to panic. Louis climbed onto the bed, his hands bracketing Harry's body so he could lean down to kiss him. It was all tongue and teeth and oh, Harry would have loved this, if it weren't for the fact that Louis started grinding down on him and settling his weight on one arm so he could slip the other one under Harry's shirt. And that made him really panic.

“Stop,” he panted, his hands pulling his t-shirt down to prevent Louis from touching more skin and pushing it up to reveal his chest.

Louis let go of him. “What is it?”

Harry closed his eyes, thinking it through. No, okay, he could do this. Louis wanted him, right? Louis wouldn't judge him. Louis would–

“Why won't you let me touch you?”

Louis' voice sounded frustrated now, maybe even angry, and it made Harry panic even more. He kept his mouth shut, fingernails pressing into his palms so hard it hurt.

“You suck me off, but you won't let me help you afterwards, and you always want to grind against me and come in your pants, but you won't even let me touch your chest?”

Harry felt tears well up in his eyes. This, this was why he hadn't wanted this. Why he had been afraid of getting too close to him. Louis wouldn't understand.

“Are you afraid I'll hurt you?”

Harry had his eyes still closed and shook his head. He couldn't talk. He was afraid as soon as he opened his mouth he would either puke or start crying.

“I don't get you, Harry. What have I done? I thought you liked me, and this.”

Harry could feel a first tear run down his cheek. _Yes_ , he wanted to scream, _yes I like you and I think I might even love you and I want this so much and it's not your fault, but I know once you see me you won't want me anymore._

Instead, all that came out was, “I'm sorry.”

Louis huffed. “Yeah, me too, for thinking this was a good idea.” He started getting off the bed and judging by the voice of clothes ruffling Harry suspected he was getting dressed. “You know, if you don't talk to me, I can't help you.”

Harry knew it would be over if he didn't say something now, but he couldn't get his mouth to form any words. He just lay there, silent tears running down his cheek as he listened to the sound of the bedroom door, then the front door close. Suddenly, everything was back to grey.


	3. Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being home for a couple of days Harry decides he wants to give their relationship another chance and to talk things out with Louis. Can he get over his anxieties to finally be with the one he loves?

Harry didn't go to uni the next day. He couldn't. Chances were he would run across Louis and he couldn't bear that. He just stayed in bed all day, covering himself up so he didn't have to look at himself. He hated himself, for what he had done to Louis, for what he _couldn't_ do for Louis. By now Louis probably thought Harry didn't like him or found him unattractive. Which, no, that wasn't the case at all. It was just, Louis was so fit, he had a perfect chest and perfect face and perfect legs and perfect arms and bum and skin and Harry felt so _ugly_ compared to him. Louis was perfect and Harry was sure once Louis saw him he would be disgusted. Because if Harry didn't like himself, how could Louis?

The train ride home in the afternoon took three hours. He had to change trains one time and he almost fell asleep on both. He had spent the night crying and he wondered if anyone who saw him could feel how heartbroken he was. It must have been written all over his red nose and bloodshot eyes and in the way he fought back tears whenever his thoughts went back to Louis.

When he arrived at the platform, Gemma was already waiting for him. He didn't even say hello, just immediately fell into her arms and hugged her tight. Then arms were closing around him, pulling him in and he could hear Gemma whisper into his ear, “Whatever it is, it's going to be okay. You'll be okay.”

Harry had a hard time stopping himself from starting to sob, but he didn't want to cry in public. He at least wanted to wait until they were home. When they were at the car, Gemma carried his suitcase and held the car door open for him to climb into the passenger seat. She put on some music as they were driving and Harry was glad she didn't force him to do small talk. They both knew this wasn't the time.

Harry wanted to pull himself together for his mum, though. She was already waiting at the door when they arrived and she almost suffocated him with her hug. Harry let himself be held and smelled the familiar scent of her perfume and shampoo and it gave him a sense of safety and home. He had missed them both so much after weeks of not seeing them and now that Louis was gone he realised just how empty he had really felt without them. Harry clutched his mum tight and felt another tear roll down his cheek. But this time, they were tears of relief.

When he had said hello to his mum's boyfriend Robin and hugged him as well, he carried his suitcase up into his old room. He sat down on the bed and stared out the tiny window. He had so many horrible memories from this place, the people here, the kids at school, the nights over nights in which he had cried himself to sleep. The day Nick had come over and broken Harry forever.

Looking around his room, not much of his past was left. He had taken most things with him to his new flat, new life, but some things from his childhood were still there, like some posters of bands that he used to love or his old red piggybank that spelled _Merry Christmas_ that he had gotten as a present years ago. There were still a few books left on the shelf above his bed, some stuff that he didn't like so much and that he didn't need to have around in his flat. Even his collection of footie stickers was still proudly presented on his desk, from that one year where he'd tried to be a full masculine man, pretending to be interested in footie and to enjoy drinking beer. (All while he'd secretly found out about and embraced his love for wearing knickers. Maybe not such a masculine year after all.)

A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts. “Yes?”

Gemma came in with a sad smile and closed the door behind herself. She sat down next to him on the bed and then pulled him into a hug, slowly rocking him back and forth like a child. Maybe it was stupid, but it did give him comfort.

“Mum and Robin are making dinner, but...” She sighed, then held him even tighter. “It's Louis, isn't it?”

And that was the last reminder he needed before he started crying.

“Oh, Harry.”

Harry buried his head in the crook of Gemma's neck and started sobbing, tear after tear running hotly down his skin until all he tasted on his lips was salt. But he couldn't stop. He didn't know how. How did you stop crying when no amount of tears would ever be enough to wash the sorrow out of your heart? And Louis had just ripped it straight out of him, smashed it, stabbed it, abused it. All because of Harry, which made it all so so much worse because it made him feel like there would never ever be anyone who loved him ever again, just because he kept pushing the few people that liked him away and he could never be enough, never pretty enough or confident enough or courageous enough for any boy out there. And it hurt, oh, how it hurt.

“It's alright, baby brother, we're going to get through this. Louis is stupid if he doesn't see what he's got with you.”

Harry would have laughed if he hadn't been crying so hard. This was the whole problem. All those things Harry wanted to give him, he couldn't. Because even after all these years that had passed since Nick, he was still afraid that once he bared himself to someone they would leave, too. And now Louis really was gone.

Gemma let him cry on her shoulder until their mum shouted that dinner was ready. Harry sobbed one last time, then pulled away and accepted the tissues Gemma held out to him. He needed a few.

“I'll go and tell them you have a stomach ache. You can come down if or whenever you want.”

Harry jumped into her arms once again. “Thank you, I love you.”

Gemma ruffled his hair and smiled. “I love you, too, Haz.”

Then she was gone and after another two minutes of sitting on his bed and letting silent tears stream down his face, he felt his stomach rumble because he was so hungry. So he tried to make himself look a bit less like he had just had an emotional breakdown and went down into the kitchen. He just nodded and smiled as his mum asked about the stomach ache. He felt Gemma nudge his foot with her own and gave her a smile. He didn't know what he would have done in his life without her.

After dinner, Harry used his story about the stomach ache to skip the obligatory family movie evening. He just wanted to go to sleep and preferably never wake up, but since that wasn't an option he just wanted to sleep for as long as he could, hoping Louis wouldn't occupy his mind even in his dreams. But before he could go to sleep, Gemma came in again. She sat down at the edge of the bed where Harry was curled up in his blanket and put a hand on his leg.

“Talk to me.”

And so he did.

Gemma listened through the whole thing, the first meeting, how he had cried there in Louis' arms, their dates, how they had gotten off (although he spared her the details) and how just a day ago Louis had wanted more and Harry hadn't been able to give it to him and scared Louis away. Gemma listened to it all and when Harry was finished he was sobbing heavily again and Gemma just lay down next to him on his tiny teenage bed that was so small that their shoulders brushed.

“I think Louis is a good man,” she said eventually and Harry could see in the faint glow of his bedside lamp how she had closed her eyes. “I think he really likes you a lot, but I think it wasn't nice of him to leave you like that.”

Harry just nodded. That was the hardest memory of it all, watching Louis walk away as he took all his happiness and acceptance and love with him.

“I think what Louis doesn't get is that it has nothing to do with him, you know. I think, I mean, from what you said he said, he tried to look for the mistake in himself and when he didn't know what he did wrong and when you wouldn't talk to him he just got very frustrated and angry. Not at you, but at himself. Because he couldn't figure it out.”

Harry sighed. He didn't want Louis to think he did something wrong, no, he really had done everything just fine. He always stopped when Harry said he didn't want something and he always made sure Harry was comfortable and okay and that he felt safe and accepted. Louis was being so good to him, so perfect, and it killed Harry knowing he did not only make him probably hate Harry, but also be disappointed in himself.

“Harry,” Gemma then said and turned her face towards him, eyes open. “I think you should talk to him. I mean, I know what Nick did to you and I know this stuff is hard for you, talking and, you know, the other stuff, but I believe Louis will understand and listen if you try to explain it to him. I don't know if you can, talk about what happened to you and how you feel because of it I mean, but you might regret it for the rest of your life if you don't give Louis another chance. If you don't give _yourself_ another chance. He really likes you and I can see how much you like him, too, so isn't it worth a shot then?”

Harry turned around and shuffled close to her, giving her a hug. He loved her so so much, she always knew what he needed to hear and she was the only person in the world that Harry had told what had happened all these years and then with Nick and she had always been so supportive and accepting. Harry remembered how she had caught him shaving his legs when he was fifteen and he had forgotten to lock the bathroom door, but instead of shaming him for it she had smiled and told him to be careful with the razor so he didn't cut himself. And she had been the one to defend Harry when he had started painting his nails when he was just a boy, not understanding yet why his father had thought it was weird.

“Thank you, Gemma. So much. For everything.”

She hugged him back. “That's what older sisters are for, right?”

He smiled. “You're the best older sister ever.”

She chuckled. “Yeah, I know.”

*

Harry spent Saturday morning texting with Niall about his essay that he'd sent him. True, Niall wasn't the best at formulating texts, but Harry had read worse. In the end, Niall's text was about twice as long as before and Niall himself more than happy. He offered to pay Harry for writing his upcoming essays and Harry wasn't really sure if that was a joke or if he really meant it. Niall was a bit weird sometimes.

He didn't text Louis yet. Even though Gemma pushed him to talk to him as soon as possible she had also said Harry should at least call him and not text, but Harry didn't think he could master a whole phone call with Louis without starting to sob into the phone. And that would surely be too much for Louis and only scare him away more. Still, he wanted to talk to him. He missed him. Less his body but more how he felt around Louis. Like nothing could hurt him. Like it was okay to be who he was. He felt like that around Gemma as well, but she was his sister and that didn't count.

Saturday afternoon they went to go ice skating because ever since Harry had promised to go with them his mum and Robin had been incredibly excited about it. It kind of reminded him of Louis, but then again everything reminded him of Louis because he was always on his mind, so it wasn't worse than if they would have stayed home. Plus, Harry managed to only topple over three times and one time he even managed to get back on his feet by himself, so he counted that a win.

Gemma brought him back to the train station on Sunday. His mum had cried a bit when she had said goodbye and Harry had to promise her that he would call her as soon as he got home and that he would never ever leave them for this long again. Harry said they could always come visit him, too, and they swore that as soon as Robin got a few days off, they would take him up on his offer.

Harry made sure to hug Gemma extra tight as the train rolled up to the platform. “Thank you so much, Gem. I love you.”

She kissed his head. “Awww, I love you, too. But promise me to talk to Louis, okay? I can see what this fight does to you. The least you can do is try. If he's a stubborn ass and won't listen, then you deserve someone better anyway.”

She squeezed him tight one last time and Harry wished he could just take her with him. He waved at Gemma through the window at his seat in the train and then she was gone and suddenly Harry felt a lot like he was alone again. The feeling stayed until he was back home, lingered around as he unpacked and did his weekly routine that he hadn't been able to do when he had been with his parents and Gemma. But afterwards, the feeling of being clean and the smell of his shampoo and the sensation of smooth skin on his legs did make him feel a bit better about everything.

Internally, Harry hoped Louis would text him first. Mostly because he didn't find the courage to be the first but also because it would show that Louis still cared. That maybe he was willing to give them another try and listen and to try to understand what Harry's problem was. But Louis didn't text, and at the same time that made Harry more worried to pick up the phone himself. What if Louis wasn't interested anymore and wouldn't listen? Harry didn't think he could live with a second rejection. But then again, what if Louis _did_ listen? And it would be too much for him? What if he just wanted someone normal and not deal with Harry and his fears and past and self-hate and worries? Thinking about it, that would be even worse.

So Harry didn't call Louis for another week, but he lingered around their tree on campus every day, hoping that maybe Louis would see him and come over to talk. Maybe. But he didn't. Harry didn't see him, neither there nor anywhere else on campus. He saw Zayn a few times, mostly just with a pen and a scrapbook in his hands, but Louis was nowhere near. It was like he was completely gone. Harry slowly started losing hope to ever see him again.

But then, a few days later, right in the middle of one of his classes, he got a message from him. His name with the little sparkling heart emoji popped up on his Liam Payne lockscreen and it made Harry hold his breath. He tried not to read it then and there, wanting to keep track with what the professor said, but he was too nervous to ignore it for long.

When Harry opened the message, it said,

**_Hi, Curly. I'm sorry I didn't text sooner. Something intervened and I had to leave town. It's nothing bad, but I don't have much time to explain. I would tell you, if you were willing to see me again? I'm sorry for leaving you. I still like you, don't worry. - L_ **

Harry's heart did a double flip. Louis said he still liked him and he wanted to see him again, probably to talk about what happened. Quickly he texted back,

_I still like you, too. And yes, I want to see you again. I'm sorry, too._

It didn't take long for Louis to text back.

_**You don't have to be sorry for anything, you did nothing wrong. I'll be back in two days, so let's meet Friday at your place?** _

_Okay. But you can't come over before five. Niall needs help with some homework again._

**_You better be back home at five then. ;) Alright, I'll be there. I miss you, bye._**  


_You too. Bye._

After contemplating for a few seconds Harry sent the green heart emoji and Louis sent him the blue one back.

Friday really couldn't come slower. It was only two days but Harry couldn't concentrate on his classes or anything else, and he was so out of it he even packed his bag for the wrong classes. God, he really just wanted to see Louis again. If he could just hug him again or kiss him again or see him smile, that would be enough.

When Harry was at Niall's place in the afternoon he managed to drop the boxes of cookies he had made the day before (of which he had burned the first share) and they had to clean Niall's bedroom floor before they could continue studying. Harry blushed hard and apologised a million times, but Niall just brushed it off.

“Mate, it's no big deal. I drop stuff all the time. I have to thank you even, the floor has never been this clean.”

Harry smiled shyly and Niall gave him a pat on the back. He did that a lot, but by now Harry was used to it.

“But, listen, Harry, what's up with you these past days? You don't say anything in class anymore and you forgot your papers and now you drop your cookies, which are delicious by the way. So, spill.”

Harry stared down at his crossed legs. He didn't really want to talk about it. 

“You can trust me. I won't make fun of you. Unless it's like really funny, then I'll probably laugh, but I don't mean it.”

Harry sighed. “Do you remember Louis?”

Niall nodded. “Yeah, your boyfriend, right? Mr. Don't-touch-or-even-look-at-my-man-or-I'll-cut-you-in-half.”

Harry smiled sadly. “Yeah, him. We had a fight and,” he checked the time, “in about an hour he will come over to my place to talk it out but I don't know how it will go.”

Niall sat down next to him and put an arm on his shoulder. Harry had never been a person to enjoy physical contact, but Niall's gesture was comforting, even if he smelled like he should definitely take a shower at one point today.

“Look, Harry, I've only seen Louis once, but in my personal experienced professional opinion I say that this guy is literally head over heels for you. He was so mad when he saw me talk to you, but he looks at you with the biggest heart eyes ever. And I can tell he really means a lot to you, too. So...” He took a deep breath and pushed out his chest, which was probably to emphasize his next words. “... if I were you, which I'm not, because I'm not into lads, just so you know, uh, if I were you, I wouldn't worry too much. Because if Louis is willing to talk, then he's also probably willing to listen and I'm sure you two can work it out. You love each other and if you both want to make your relationship work, then you will do just that. Make it work. We all have our problems and stuff and whatever it is you fought over, you'll work it out.”

He ended his speech with two extra hard pats on Harry's back that made him wince. But he still thanked Niall.

“Yeah, no worries, man. I should do this professionally. Give advice 'n stuff.”

Harry sighed. “You should. And by the way, don't worry, I know you're not gay, I won't hit on you whatsoever.”

Now, that seemed to annoy him, though. “You wouldn't? Am I not attractive enough? Are you not into Irish lads? Is it my blonde hair? I can dye it brunette if you want to.”

Harry started laughing and Niall laughed with him. “No, it's definitely not your blonde hair. More of the fact that you don't shower enough and your room smells like something died in here.”

As soon as Harry said it, he gasped. Oh. He hadn't wanted to say that. He had just thought it and hadn't known he had the courage to say something like that out loud and mock Niall. He was scared Niall would be mad now, but instead he only stared at Harry and then started laughing even harder, falling backwards onto the floor and holding his chest. Niall always laughed a lot.

“Bro, I was waiting for you to come out of your shell.” Harry smiled shyly and felt his face get hot. “Also, you're absolutely right.”

After that they said goodbye because Harry really didn't want to miss Louis. He felt confident. Maybe Niall and Gemma were right and they could work it out. But for that, Harry would need the courage to tell Louis about what his problem was and that included telling him about Nick, and Harry wasn't sure if he was ready to talk to Louis about that. Or to anyone who wasn't Gemma, really.

As Harry came up the stairs to his flat, he saw someone lean against his front door. Oh. He swallowed. Who would be waiting for him? An uneasy feeling settled in his stomach, but once he could see the person from a better angle he realised that it wasn't just anyone waiting for him, but Louis. Harry checked the time and yeah, he was half an hour too early.

“I'm sorry I'm too early,” Louis started to explain as soon as he saw Harry and scratched his neck. “I just couldn't stay home for long. Just came back from an excursion of the newbies where I had to fill in for one of the tutors that got sick last minute. It's why I wasn't here and why I was so busy. I would have texted you sooner if I'd been able to.”

Harry nodded. “It's okay. Hi.”

Louis smiled. “Hi.”

They went inside and Harry brought them both a glass of water while Louis settled on the couch with one of the pink pillows behind his back. Harry sat down next to him and then stared at his lap, not knowing how to start. He was glad Louis eventually did.

“I'm sorry for what happened.”

Harry nodded. “Yeah, um, me too.”

Louis sighed. “It was just a lot for me, I don't know. I was confused and then frustrated and also kind of still hard and not getting to have you like that was a bit too much then. I'm sorry. It was a dick move to leave you like that.”

Harry could feel his eyes water again at the memory. He had felt... He didn't even find a word to describe it. He sniffed. “You left me, even though you said I could trust you.”

With his last word a first tear started rolling down his cheek and he soon felt Louis' hand taking his. “Oh baby, you _can_. It's why I don't understand why you won't tell me what's wrong. You mean so much to me and I want to be with you in every way and I would understand it if you said you didn't like sex at all, but that's obviously not it, so what is it? I want to understand you so we can work this out. Because I really want to make this relationship work.”

It felt so good to hear Louis say that. Harry wanted to make it work, too, and Louis was so sweet to him all the time it made his heart melt.

“Me too. And it wasn't your fault. Really. You did nothing wrong, if you think that. You didn't, uh, touch me inappropriately or anything. I really wanted it, too, still do, it's just–”

He sighed and closed his eyes. He felt so uncomfortable in his own body. But then Louis tilted his chin up with his fingers and forced him to meet his gaze, squeezing his hand.

“Then tell me what's eating you up so much? What is it that happened to you or that someone did to you if it's not me?”

Harry could feel more tears bubbling up behind his eyes and it took all the courage he could find in himself to say, “It was Nick.”

He sobbed and Louis ran his thumb over his hand again, soothing him. His voice trembled as he asked, “Baby, tell me, what did Nick do to you?”

But Harry couldn't form any words, it was too overwhelming. He was embarrassed, so so embarrassed that after all these years this still ate him up so much and that he was so weak that a few horrible kids at school and a mean boy could ruin him.

Louis sounded like he was about to cry as well as he asked, “Did Nick touch you even though you didn't want it?”

Harry shook his head. He could see how Louis visibly relaxed.

“What then?”

“He...” Harry's lips trembled so much he could barely form words. “He didn't touch me at all. Because, he... he said that...”

God, it was so hard to say it. It was so hard to say something out loud that you'd tried for years to bury somewhere deep deep inside of you so it could never hurt you again. But it still did hurt, every single day. It hurt whenever he looked into the mirror, whenever he saw his marks on his palms or on his thighs, whenever he felt someone stare at him, whenever he got unwanted attention. Because he thought that it was _true_.

“Nick said that... I'm weird and... and...”

“What, Harry?”

He tried to force back tears. “Ugly.”

As soon as the last word had left Harry's lips, he was back at crying. He sobbed and didn't really notice how two arms wrapped around him and pulled him against a warm chest. Louis let him cry in his arms for some time. Harry felt so bad, there he was balling his eyes out which didn't help at all, just drowning in self-pity at a memory that was years old. But he wanted, he _needed_ Louis to know, so whenever he thought he could form a few words, he tried to explain.

“Nick was my boyfriend for a few weeks and... we hadn't really... done anything sexual yet. One weekend my parents and my sister were gone and he came over... and things started to get heated and stuff and then he was suddenly half naked... and he said I should undress, too, and... I wanted it, really, I liked him a lot... but I was already worried he might not like what he'd see 'cause... at school, some guys would make fun of me in the lockers... because I wasn't so muscly or into sports and because... I like to... uh... I like... shaving my legs... and I know it's girly and stuff but I just like it and they made fun of me... and when Nick was there and when I was naked, too, he... he stared at me and at my stretch marks and said they looked ugly and like I had cut myself... and he asked me why I shaved my legs and I said I liked it... and then he said only girls did that and that I wasn't a girl so I shouldn't do it... because it was weird... and then he just said sorry and got dressed again and left and... and... it just really really still hurts _so much._ ”

By now, Harry was crying harder than before, holding onto Louis for dear life, soaking his shirt and shaking them both with his sobs. But they weren't just tears of sorrow, it also just felt so good and liberating to finally tell Louis. Those worries, those fears of not being pretty enough and of being rejected because of the way his body looked had been determining his life for the past years, and even though telling someone didn't change the way he felt about those things on his body it was like a massive weight was finally lifted off his shoulders.

“Oh, Harry, I am so, so sorry.” Louis sounded broken, too, and Harry thought that maybe he was fighting back tears as well. “I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can't believe this Nick would say something like that. He's such an idiot.”

Harry nodded where his head was buried in the crook of Louis' neck. “Yes, yes he is.”

“And he's wrong, too. So, so wrong. You're so pretty.”

Harry shook his head. “You haven't seen me yet.”

“Oh, because I don't have to, love.” Louis was stroking his back now and Harry could feel his breath on his neck, dampening his skin. “And I know you're pretty because you have the prettiest smile, the cutest dimples, the softest curls and the most beautiful eyes. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with stretch marks or that sort of thing. It just shows that you've grown and that you're alive, and also a million people have them. And I love that you shave you your legs, baby, I wish I could feel them right now. I'm sure you would look gorgeous in nothing but pants, so soft with those miles of smooth skin for me to touch and lick and suck bruises into.”

The last words made Harry whimper. Oh, he wanted Louis to mark him up so bad. Wanted to be his. Wanted him to tell him that he was pretty and beautiful and that everything about him was okay the way it was while he made love to him. He didn't think he had ever craved someone as much as Louis.

“Princess, look at me.”

Harry rubbed his eyes before meeting his gaze, salty traces of his last tears drying on his skin. Louis was smiling at him and it made Harry feel so warm, so loved that he almost started crying again.

“I love you, Harry. You're so pretty. Everything about you. But I know you won't believe me if I tell you, so...” 

Harry's breath hitched. Did Louis just– Oh. Harry felt the swarm of butterflies back in his stomach. Louis had just said he loved him. Louis _loved_ him. Harry felt himself melt into his embrace. Oh, this couldn't get any better.

Louis' hands wandered towards Harry's bum then, lightly squeezing it and kneading his flesh, making Harry whimper. “Can I show you instead? Only if it's okay with you. I don't ever want you to think you're not pretty or handsome or anything like that because it's not true. So please, with your consent, will you let me show you how much I love every inch of you? God, I love you so much...”

He could hear Louis take a deep but shaky breath and it made Harry feel somehow safer, more comfortable, knowing those things were hard for Louis to admit as well. Still, he couldn't believe this. How could Louis still want him after what he had just told him? How could he like that he was a boy but shaved his legs? How could he say he didn't mind a million stretch marks where there should be smooth and even skin instead? How did Harry deserve him?

He wanted to ask, but all that left his mouth was a choked out “Please” and then Louis' lips were back on his, licking away the last traces of salt on his skin.

Louis pulled Harry into his lap before he grabbed his bum again and squeezed, hard. Harry moaned. He had missed this. It only took him a few seconds to start grinding on Louis, falling into an old rhythm and making them both sigh. He let Louis' tongue slip through his parted lips and just a few seconds later Louis was kissing his way up to his ear, breath hot and trembling as he whispered,

“You have no idea how much I've thought about you this past week. Everything about you, from your beautiful smile to your cute curls to your voice to that pretty little ass of yours. Always looks so good. Been thinking about burying my head between those cheeks for so long.”

A moan left Harry's lips at Louis' words and his cock twitched hard, letting out a drop of precum. Oh God, yes, this was all he wanted, Louis' head between his legs leaving beard burn and bruises and licking him where no one else had been. He whined at the thought and ground his ass down harder, making Louis moan in return.

“Ah, shit, you're getting so good at this,” he praised and then started leaving wet kisses down Harry's neck. Harry whined as Louis bit down at his collarbone and then licked over his abused skin. Louis seemed to notice what it did to Harry, so he did it again and again until Harry was a whimpering mess and both their cocks were so hard it hurt.

“Let's get you to bed,” Louis then proposed and Harry only nodded.

Soon he felt himself be lifted up again and he wrapped his legs around Louis' waist and his arms around his neck. Louis carefully dropped him onto the bed once they were in the bedroom, then climbed on top of him as Harry shuffled backwards so he was fully on the bed. For a moment they just looked at each other. Harry loved the way Louis' lips looked full and round when they made out, loved how his fringe fell in his face and how fond of Harry he looked, pupils dilated and still a small smirk on his lips.

“I love you, too, by the way,” Harry whispered shyly, blushing.

Louis grinned down at him at his words, the happiest he had ever seen him. He still had the most beautiful smile Harry had ever seen and he never wanted Louis to stop looking at him like that. His blue eyes were sparkling and there was nothing but love in his gaze. Harry couldn't help but smile back, wishing he could take a picture of the moment, a reminder of the happiest he had ever felt in his life. But then again, every moment with Louis was a new happiest moment.

“You're so pretty when you're flushed,” Louis said then and leaned down to kiss Harry again, his hands slowly starting to roam his chest through his shirt. Harry fought the urge to move away, instead tried to enjoy the feeling of Louis caressing his body. It was strange, but with each kiss and slow stroke of his hands Harry felt himself relax.

When Louis let his hands slip under his shirt and gripped his hips, his love handles, Harry wanted to shove him away. He didn't, instead let Louis grip him tighter, hold him down a bit and kiss him more, whisper into his ear about how much he loved Harry's curves and how every inch of him was perfect. Which Harry knew was a lie, but right there, with Louis above him peppering his face with kisses, he was tempted to believe him.

After a while Louis gripped the hem of his shirt. He kissed the corner of his mouth before he eventually asked, “Can I take it off?”

Harry swallowed. His instinct was screaming _No, no, don't look at me_ , but this was Louis and he loved him and trusted him and the look on his face was so full of love and adoration that it gave Harry all the courage he needed.

“Okay,” he breathed and Louis gave him a last kiss before he slowly took off his shirt.

Harry lifted his arms so Louis could get it off him, then cool air hit his skin and it gave him goosebumps. Louis looked at him, smiled and started kissing his way down his neck and chest. He bit the skin every few seconds, making Harry restless and shuffle around beneath him, whining his name. It felt good, so good, to be finally touched like this, and when Louis kissed his birthmarks under his nipples that he had always hated, he heard him chuckle.

“They're cute. You're so pretty.”

He went back to kissing Harry and it made him relax more into the cushions, letting the warmth of Louis' body lull him in and soothe his soul. It felt so different than with Nick. Nick had just wanted to get the clothes off as fast as possible, but Louis was so slow, tender, taking his time worshipping every inch of Harry's body and it made his heart race and his breath hitch.

When Louis had kissed his way down to the top of his jeans, he paused. “Are you okay?”

Harry wanted to cry because of how much he loved him. He took a deep breath. “Yes, yes.”

“Good.” Louis then dipped his tongue into Harry's belly button, making Harry giggle. “Can I take your jeans and pants off?”

Harry opened his eyes and looked at Louis, his head leaning over his stomach. He was so beautiful, his fringe messy and his lips red and parted, eyes fixed on Harry's face.

“I didn't, uh, I can't, really, uh, shave down there... I know you probably want that and–”

Louis interrupted him. “Oh baby, you don't have to do anything for me. Shaved or not, I like you just the same. Don't think that matters so much to me.”

Harry nodded. He was still uncomfortable thinking about Louis seeing him like this, but... “Yeah, okay,” he whispered, steadying his breath. “But only if you take off your shirt and jeans, too.”

He managed a tiny smile and Louis grinned. He crawled back up to give him a kiss, before he got off Harry and stood up. “I can do that,” he winked and Harry watched how Louis stripped.

Next time, he thought, if there would be such a thing, he wanted to undress Louis himself. For now though, he was content to just watch Louis do it himself, the way his muscles worked as he lifted his shirt over his head, the way his hard cock tented the front of his pants. Harry wanted him, and above that, Harry wanted Louis to undress _him_ , too. He was still self-conscious, but he felt like that was okay. It was okay to hate some things about his body because Louis said he liked it and that was all that mattered.

Once Louis was back on the bed, he let his hands wander towards Harry's crotch. He massaged his cock through the fabric, making Harry moan and another drop of precum soak into his pants.

“Just, please,” Harry whined and Louis didn't need to be told twice. He carefully opened his jeans and pulled them down, exposing more and more of Harry's smooth, hairless skin. Harry only dared to take a look as his jeans were completely off and he heard Louis gasp.

“Are those–”

But he didn't even have time to ask what Louis meant before he had lips on his own again and a hot body draped all over him.

“Fuck, baby, you're so perfect. You look so good in those, love how they fit your shaved legs.”

And then Harry understood what Louis meant. And _oh_. Oh no. He was still wearing them. knickers. Harry blushed. Oh no. He had wanted to take them off before Louis came around, but then he had already waited for him at the door and then Harry had forgotten all about them. Oh no.

Apparently Louis could feel how Harry tensed up because he soothingly ran his hand up and down his marked thigh. “It's alright, princess. No reason to be ashamed. Look at me.” Harry slowly opened his eyes, trying to stand his gaze. “I love them. They look so good on you. Everything does, but those especially. Did you wear them for me?”

Harry shook his head. No, today had just been one of those where he'd felt like wearing them for no particular reason. Well, the reason being that it was a very special day.

“Well, then I sure hope you will keep wearing them for me,” Louis whispered before he kissed Harry again and slowly started stroking Harry's cock through the pink fabric.

The knickers he was currently wearing weren't Harry's favourites, but they were his favourite colour with white lace at the edges and a little bow in the middle. He also liked how his cock peeked out at the top when he was hard.

As Louis made his way down his body he mouthed at his cock through the fabric and Harry let out a choked moan. He could feel how warm and wet Louis' mouth was and God, he wanted it. But Louis didn't stay there for long, instead kept the knickers on while kissing his way down his hips and upper thighs, squeezing the flesh with his hands.

Louis seemed to spend a lot of extra time on his thighs. He traced Harry's stretch marks with his tongue, soaking up the little whimpers Harry made whenever he bruised his skin with little bites and nips and sucks. Harry always avoided touching himself there, the feeling of the scars under his fingers too horrible and uncomfortable. Being touched there by Louis felt different, though. Harry realised how sensitive he was in some places, how good it could feel to have someone caress his skin, especially when Louis was getting closer to his crotch. Louis' hands felt rough and soon Harry forgot all about his marks, his focus on Louis' clever fingers and mouth alone, nipping at his skin and adding to the marks already there.

“Your legs are so pretty, baby, love how sensitive your skin is. Wish you would just wrap them around my head while I eat you out like you deserve.”

Harry let out a loud whimper at that, his cock twitching and dribbling out more precum. Louis let go of his legs for a moment to look up at him then, eyes dark and licking his lips. One of his hands gripped the back of Harry's thigh and then slowly wandered up.

“Do you want that? Want me to eat that pretty little ass of yours? So beautiful...”

Harry swallowed down a moan and nodded. Yes, God, yes, he wanted that so bad. Wanted to feel Louis' head between his thighs, gripping his cheeks and spreading him wide so he could lick and suck and nip where he wanted it most.

Louis seemed to get the message. He leaned up to kiss Harry again, then said, “Get on your hands and knees for me, princess, that will make it easier.”

Harry hurried to do as he was told. Louis' voice echoed in his head. _Obedient._ Yes, he liked being told what to do. He loved how Louis' composure was grounding him, how he knew what to do and what to say to rile him up, how Harry could just take his hand and let Louis lead them. It felt good, it felt safe.

Louis kissed his way down Harry's back, squeezing his love handles that were peeking out the top of his knickers. As he licked his way down Harry's spine, one hand wandered to the front of his knickers, slipping inside and touching his hard cock.

“Such a pretty cock,” Louis murmured as he slowly started jerking him, his grip firm and determined, making Harry moan.

Whimpers of Louis' name were falling from his lips after a while, the only audible sound next to their heavy breathing. Harry had his head hung low between his arms, but soon had to rest his upper body on his forearms because he couldn't hold himself up anymore, not while Louis was still jerking him off and kissing and biting his shoulder blades. That way though and with his knees bent beneath his body he was practically pushing his ass into Louis' face and that made Louis curse, taking his hand from Harry's cock and instead placing both on his round ass cheeks.

“You don't even know what you're doing to me, baby, lying there with your pretty knickers on and pushing your bum out.” He let his fingers slip under the fabric. “I can't wait to taste it.”

Harry whined and pushed his ass against Louis' touch, urging him to go on. His cock was steadily leaking precum into his knickers and he was sure they were ruined by now, but he didn't even care. The only thing that mattered to him was the way Louis made him feel, that for the first time in forever he wasn't worried or scared of anything. Everything felt good and amazing and he wanted whatever Louis would give him.

Once Louis pulled his knickers down to expose his skin, just enough so his ass was on display, he tensed. He was still nervous, not uncomfortable, just nervous, having someone – Louis – stare at him like that. He had spent so many years of his life covering up his body, hiding all the things he didn't like about himself, that it took him all the strength he had not to shove Louis away and slip under a blanket. But right here, right now, he felt almost content under Louis' gaze and touch, happy even to finally be able to give him what they both wanted so much.

Harry hadn't expected it though when Louis suddenly dipped his head down and was back at licking and sucking bruises into the back of thighs. It pulled a moan from him and he could feel Louis' beard scratch his skin, so rough it almost hurt. He loved it, though, loved Louis marking him up some more. Another moan fell from his lips as he thought about how he might feel it tomorrow still, not able to sit down properly because of it.

“You good?” Louis asked and Harry whined, unable to form any words.

Louis understood him still and then, finally, grabbed Harry's cheeks, pulled them apart and with no further warning licked a broad stripe over Harry's hole, making him cry out.

Louis just chuckled, waiting for Harry to calm down. “Always so responsive.” Another quick lick. “Love how tight and pink your hole is.” He licked over it a third time, then blew air over Harry's sensitive skin, making his hole clench. “So pretty.”

Harry just buried his head in his pillow and moaned into the fabric, involuntarily pushing his ass back against Louis' face. It felt so good, Louis' tongue was hot and wet and he hadn't even really done anything yet, but his cock was already twitching and his heart beat so fast Harry thought it might explode.

Another minute passed where Louis just licked over Harry's hole, tracing his tongue around the rim, before Harry felt spit trickle down his crack and Louis really pressed his face into his ass. And oh, yes, Louis started sucking at his rim, nipping at the skin around his hole, making obscene noises all the while that had Harry's cock blurt out more precum. It felt so good the way Louis ate him out, spread his cheeks and after a while started dipping his tongue into his hole, pulling more whimpers and whines from Harry's swollen lips. Louis' tongue felt rough inside him and he tried to relax so Louis could push in deeper, lick around his walls and open him up as wide as he could. Harry knew he must look like a mess by now.

After a while Louis gripped him harder, pushed in deeper, moaned into Harry's hole as he licked inside and kissed and sucked at his rim. Harry started rocking back and forth on his tongue, fucking himself on it until it was almost too much. He heard Louis curse and then his mouth was gone and Harry whimpered at the loss. He turned his head and saw Louis wipe his chin that was covered in spit, breathing in deep and fast, but not a second later he was back at rubbing his face against Harry's cheeks, making them burn before he started flicking his tongue around his hole, dipping into his wet heat.

Louis kept going and Harry didn't know what else to do than just take it. His cock was throbbing, angry red with the pink tip poking out the top of his knickers, begging for release. And just then Louis started talking again.

“Wish you could see yourself, princess. Your pretty little hole is all red and puffy from my tongue, looks so good. Could do this for hours. Might even one day.”

Harry moaned and felt tears well up from how badly he needed to come. Yes, oh, he would let Louis do this for days if he wanted to, weeks, months, years, he didn't mind. It was so hot and with each drag of Louis' tongue inside his walls his hole clenched around him and it pushed him farther towards his release.

“Please, Lou,” he whimpered as he thought that if Louis didn't touch his cock, he might combust.

Louis only stopped what he was doing to speak. “What is it, princess?” he asked, even though he probably knew exactly what Harry meant.

“Please, touch my cock, please, I'm so close.”

Louis smiled against his skin. “Good boy.”

The name made Harry whine into his pillow and he pushed his ass against Louis' face harder, hopefully not suffocating him. As soon as Louis touched his cock, Harry knew he would come soon. Louis' mouth on his hole and his hand on his dick was a combination that turned him on to no end, letting needy little pants fall from his lips with the occasional moan of Louis' name.

“Are you gonna come for me, princess?” Louis asked and Harry nodded, feeling how he got closer and closer with every drag of Louis' hand over his cock, thumb dipping into the slit and spreading the precum over his shaft.

“Yes,” Harry breathed, fingers clutching the bedding and teeth digging into his lip. “Yes, please, Lou, make me come, please, please, I need– ah–”

“Only because you look so pretty like this. Hope you know how beautiful you are.”

Louis waited for another second to let his words sink in, but then Harry could feel Louis eat him out even messier, pushing his tongue in as far and as fast as he could, abusing his sensitive hole while he sucked and licked and added more spit to ease the way. Harry was gone.

“I'm gonna come, oh, I– yes, yes, Louis–”

And then he felt Louis release his ass cheeks to give his bum a firm smack and that was all it took for Harry to come. With Louis' tongue in his ass and his hand on his cock jerking him off he could feel his whole body twitch and then he was coming, shooting spurts of come all over Louis' hands and the top of his knickers that he was still wearing. Harry whimpered through it all, little sighs of “ah” and “yes” leaving his lips. And just when Louis gave his hole a last lick and his ass a second soft spank he let out a moan, followed by a choked out,

“D-daddy.”

He could feel Louis' grip suddenly tighten on his ass and heard him curse, letting out a moan. Harry didn't even realise what he had said, not even as he slowly came down from his high. A moment later he was lying flat on his stomach, head on the pillow and breathing heavily. He could feel his heart beat in his throat, his cock still throbbing and his mind clouded from the best orgasm of his life. The ghost of Louis' touches lingered behind, he felt his hole wet and his rim and ass burn where Louis had spanked him lightly, but it was the best kind of pain he had ever known.

Gradually he felt someone kiss up his spine, hands caressing every little piece of skin they could find. Louis' breath tickled as he whispered into his ear, “You okay?”

Harry sobbed. Oh God. “Yeah, yes,” he managed to get out and then he felt Louis slowly turn him around so he was on his back.

Louis leaned down to kiss him and Harry couldn't do much but let himself be conquered by his soft lips and warm tongue. He could taste himself on it and it made him whine into his mouth and his cock twitch. His ass was still burning, but he had never felt better and he missed the feeling of Louis eating him out already, even though he had just come. As their kisses got slower, Harry opened his eyes to the sight of Louis smiling down at him, hair even messier and lips puffier than before.

They just looked at each other, but Louis soon leaned down to give him a soft kiss before he asked, “Is this something you like then?”

Harry frowned. He didn't know what Louis was talking about.

But he was already explaining himself. “Calling me _daddy_?” 

And _oh_. Harry's breath caught in his throat. Oh. Oh no. Oh God. He couldn't have– Had he really–

“It's alright if you do,” Louis soothed him before Harry could panic too much. “It's hot.” He gave Harry's love handles a reassuring squeeze. “And you know, I would like being your daddy, if that's something you want.”

Harry couldn't believe this was real. He was blushing so hard, not really daring to say that yeah, he would like that. A lot. But it made him weak, didn't it? It was weird. It was just... He liked the thought of someone taking care of him, guiding him. Someone who loved him unconditionally and was strong and could protect him. Someone he could be good for and gave him what he needed.

“It's really fine, princess, gets me off, too,” Louis whispered a few moments later and kissed Harry's forehead, then his cheeks, then his dimples while his hands slowly made their way back down his chest.

So Harry chose to tell the truth. “Yeah, I-I'd like that...” He let out a shaky breath. “...daddy.”

It was strange saying it out loud, consciously, but it sounded right the way it so easily rolled off his tongue, made his cock twitch weakly. Louis smiled against his skin, then his hands went down to his crotch and he slowly started peeling off the ruined knickers that were soaked in come. Harry's cock twitched at the touch and just then did he feel Louis' hand wrap around it, slowly but surely jerking him back to hardness. He didn't think he could get hard again so fast, but Louis was so hot and had just agreed to letting Harry call him _daddy_. He felt Louis' own dick press against his thigh, too, and the thought of maybe even going further than having Louis eat him out really turned him on. Yeah, he definitely wanted to go again. And the sight of Louis' lean fingers wrapped around his cock paired with the wet feeling around his hole made it oh so easy.

Louis seemed to know what Harry was thinking about because he soon pushed a finger between Harry's cheeks, pressing it against his still sensitive rim. Harry shuddered, pushing back against the touch.

“How about you let daddy take care of you, yeah?”

Harry moaned at Louis taking up the name. It sounded so hot out of his mouth. He nodded and pressed down onto Louis' finger, hearing him chuckle.

“Someone's eager.”

But then Louis was gone and Harry blinked a few times to see Louis take off his own pants. His mouth watered at the sight of Louis' thick cock bouncing in front of his stomach and he felt his own throb at the thought of having that inside him. Louis was thicker than his dildo, but Harry would do anything to have it fit. Suddenly he was glad Nick had rejected him because he would never want anyone but Louis to be his first. He loved him, more importantly he _trusted_ him not to hurt him in any way and he knew Louis would make him feel good.

Once he was back on the bed he gave Harry a quick, chaste kiss to his lips. “Where do you keep lube and condoms?”

“Drawer under the bed,” Harry answered and Louis leaned over the edge to open it.

While he was searching for the things he needed Harry heard him make a sound of disapproval. “Naughty princess, keeping a pretty toy like this.”

Harry blushed at the mention of his dildo. He had completely forgotten that it was in there as well and now it must have just made him seem desperate and lonely. But Louis was back soon to kiss him and tell him it was alright.

“Won't need that from now on though, daddy's got something better for you.”

It earned Louis a whine and then he shuffled down Harry's body, occasionally kissing his sweaty skin. Right when his head was above Harry's cock he pushed his legs up and ordered him to hold them like that so he could have better access to his hole. Harry could hear Louis open the lube and soon he felt a cold finger at his rim.

Louis stroked his back. “I need you to relax now, baby. Can you do that?”

Harry tried. He'd had his dildo inside him countless times by now, but it was still different when it was someone else, someone whose actions he couldn't control. But once the first knuckle was inside it was easy to get used to the stretch and Harry sighed when he felt Louis slowly move the finger in and out. His tongue had already done the job of one finger though, so he soon felt Louis add a second one, spreading the lube around his rim and stretching him carefully.

“That's it, princess, doing so well,” Louis murmured as his free hand started playing with the head of Harry's cock, getting him harder. “You're so tight though, daddy's gonna stretch you so wide.”

And if that thought alone wasn't enough to make Harry moan, Louis chose that exact moment to crook his fingers just right and oh God, yes, Harry moaned as Louis' fingers brushed his prostrate. He clenched around his fingers and tried to rock down onto them, get them in deeper to rub his spot harder, but Louis didn't let him. Instead he held him down with the hand that had been on his cock and kept him still. Harry whined. There wasn't much force in his grip, just enough to let Harry know he wasn't supposed to move, even if he wanted to bad.

“Slow down, princess, we have all night.”

Harry blushed at how eager he was, but nodded. “Sorry, daddy.”

Louis went back to kissing him, distracting him while he added more lube on three of his fingers. “Baby, you look so beautiful. But this is going to hurt a bit now, so tell daddy if it's too much.”

Harry swallowed. This was really going to happen. “Okay.”

With one hand Louis was jerking Harry's cock as he pushed the first two fingers in, then after a few pumps the third one. Harry bit his lip hard. It burned, but he knew it would get better with time. And listening to Louis talk was a more than welcome distraction.

“Fuck, I love how warm and smooth you are inside. So tight. Gonna feel so good around my cock.”

It made Harry push down against his fingers, bucking his hips. The burn slowly lessened and it started to feel good, the way Louis brushed his prostate with each stroke and how he played with his cock. He hoped it would be good for Louis, too, he didn't want to disappoint him.

After a while he insisted that he was ready, but Louis still continued to finger him for another minute. He moved and spread his fingers inside him, rubbing his walls and hitting his prostate with every thrust. Harry was wriggling around, needy sounds leaving his lips as he tried to push back against Louis. It was torture, the way he fucked him with his fingers, knowing at one point Harry was struggling to hold back from coming because it wasn't what he wanted.

But once Louis pulled his fingers out of him he asked, “You haven't done this with anyone before, have you, baby?”

Harry let out a shaky breath and shook his head. “I've always wanted to, though.”

Louis nodded. He stroked his thighs and kissed the side of his leg as he said, “Then lay back and let daddy make you feel good.”

Harry sighed and did as he was told, letting Louis lift his legs onto his shoulders before he put on the condom and covered his cock in lube. As he threw the bottle aside Harry saw that it was the lube that tasted like banana. His eyes were fixed on Louis jerking his own cock with the lube before he heard his voice.

“You need to really relax. Can you do that for daddy, love?”

Just then Harry felt the tip of Louis' cock press against his hole and he nodded. “Yes, I– I'll try.”

Louis smiled. “Good boy.”

It was hard calming down, he had never been more nervous in his life. But it was a good kind of nervous, exciting, and he slowly but surely felt himself relax under Louis' soft touches on his body. Louis entered him carefully, taking his hand and interlacing their fingers as he filled him up steadily, making him sigh. It was a lot to take in, literally, but Louis didn't push him and it was easier once the head of his cock was inside. Harry had his eyes closed and his head thrown back as Louis' hands started running over his chest, eventually flicking his nipples. That was something that made him stiffen though, tightening around Louis' cock, but not in a good way.

“Don't, please,” Harry breathed, blushing. He had always heard how sensitive nipples were, but whenever he touched them when he got off it only made him uncomfortable. He didn't know what was wrong with him, but he just didn't like it. Another thing that Nick had ignored.

“Sorry, princess,” Louis soothed him though and then leaned back down to kiss him as an apology, sucking a few more bruises into the skin on his neck and feeling Harry relax again.

Louis started pushing in further after that, splitting Harry apart in the best way. It burned, yes, but oh, it was a good burn and the feeling of Louis not only around him but also _inside_ him was so amazing there was a tear rolling down his cheek. Louis wiped it away with his thumb.

“You're so gorgeous, Harry, you know. So pretty. I love you so much,” Louis praised and Harry whined, dropping his legs from his shoulders and instead wrapping them around his back, pulling him in deeper.

Once Louis was fully inside, he gave him a minute to get used to it. Harry opened his eyes and examined his face, tried to remember every little detail about him in case this was all just a dream and he would wake up tomorrow with nothing but memories of a dark past and an aching heart. But in his soul he knew it was real. It wasn't a dream. Louis was real and all those things and words and events from the past suddenly seemed so far gone, lost, slowly burned away by the man that had stolen Harry's heart and had made him fall so hard it felt more like flying. Louis was stroking his love handles and kissed his stretch marks and Harry could hardly stand it.

It was like a sudden revelation. Like everything had just fallen into place. His heart was aching with love, his skin on fire from need and his mind clouded from pleasure. And in a single clear moment of realisation he wondered,

“Is this how I'm supposed to feel?”

He hadn't meant to say it out loud, but once he did he felt Louis stop his caresses, squeezing his hand and kissing his swollen lips instead. Louis' voice was husky and barely more than a whisper, but it held so much adoration and Harry heard him take a shaky breath before he asked,

“How do you feel?”

Harry's eyes were closed as he took a trembling breath.

“Loved.”

Once he said it, he knew it was true and there was no doubt about it. For the first time in his life he felt loved. For his mind, his body and his soul, for who he was with all his flaws and imperfections, for his past and what it made of him, for the love he gave and the love he had never gotten in return. And it was the scariest and single most comforting truth he had ever known.

Louis kissed him again then, slow and gentle, and Harry let all his emotions pour into it. He could feel his heart burst as Louis finally started to move inside him, first slow, then faster as Harry dug his nails into his back and pulled him closer. The drag against his insides was like a slow burning fire; it hurt but it was good, oh so good, made him feel full and completed as Louis' arm went beneath his back to hold him still in encouraging reassurance.

The world must have stopped moving somewhere along the way because Harry felt like falling, only to be caught by Louis' hands and mouth on him. His voice whispered promises and sweet things into his ear as he moved inside of him, steady thrusts that made Harry breathless. It was neither rushed nor too slow, it was exactly what Harry wanted and needed but had never dared to dream of.

And with Louis' head so close to his, he felt his hair tickle his skin and his breath dampen his neck as he gripped Harry's hips, pulling him closer. It changed the angle just right so his cock started hitting all the right spots in Harry, making him fall apart under his touch. Louis made love to him slow and perfect, pulling quiet whimpers and words from his sweet pink lips with every new sensation, a litany of “daddy” and “oh” and “please” and “more”.

Harry could feel it build and build, felt pleasure running through every fibre of his body. When they had found their rhythm Louis started stroking his cock again in tune with his thrusts, bringing Harry closer to the edge. He never stopped telling him that he was beautiful, and somewhere along the way Harry started to believe it. He felt pretty under Louis' gaze and touch, he felt special and good and sexy and he felt the need to tell Louis about how good he was looking, too, but nothing came out his mouth except for choked out moans and pants.

But Louis kept holding him close either way, never stopped touching him even as he started thrusting faster, deeper, jerking Harry's cock with a firm grip, his own moans echoing in Harry's head. It made Harry come, the way Louis lost his composure, too, just made him feel so good in so many places and so many ways. He painted his and Louis' stomachs in white as his moans and louder whimpers were swallowed by Louis' tongue in his mouth.

Louis came not too long after that. Harry arched his back and pressed his fingertips into his skin, leaving little half moons over his shoulder blades as Louis told him he was close. And then he tightened around Louis' cock and Harry whimpered at the feeling of Louis' body going tense above him, his cock pulsing and twitching inside him and his hands gripping his thighs so hard it would leave bruises in the shape of his fingers.

They stayed like that just for a while, Louis' hands coming to tangle into Harry's hair to gently scrape his scalp as Harry sighed. He felt tired, so tired, but he didn't want to sleep, wanted to stay like this forever with Louis on top of him, his breath tickling his neck and his insides still tingling and the feeling of Louis' marks still fresh on his skin.

“Are you okay, princess?”

Louis' voice was muffled since he was burying his face in Harry's curls, but Harry heard him all the same.

He nodded. “Yeah, yes, very.”

Louis kissed his forehead and wrapped his arms around him as Harry wrapped his own around Louis.

After a while Louis was the first to let go. He kissed his way to Harry's mouth one last time before he sat up and pulled out. Harry watched him put the condom away and then his eyes fell shut as he heard him go out the bedroom. For some reason he feared that history would repeat itself, that Louis would leave again, turn his back on him, just like Nick had done. But Louis didn't. He came back with a wet towel and Harry let him pepper his cleaned skin with kisses, hands holding on to any part of Louis he could grasp.

“I'm not leaving, Harry. Not again. Not ever.”

It was a promise Harry refused to believe would ever be broken.

The last thing he remembered that night was a blanket draped over him and Louis' warm body pressed against his back, two arms wrapped around him to hold him close and keep him safe.

*

When Harry woke up, he panicked. He couldn't move and it took him a few seconds to realise why. There was a body half draped over him and an arm still slung around his waist, keeping him from getting up.

Louis.

Harry grinned. Oh. He started to remember. Yeah, he remembered clearly. And he still felt it, too, he realised as he shifted around a bit. His ass burned and he felt sore. But to be honest, he could get used to that. His neck was damp where Louis had his face buried and his right arm which Louis was lying on was tingling so bad he didn't feel it anymore. So apparently Louis was a restless sleeper because Harry definitely didn't remember falling asleep like this. Or that they had slept without a blanket which was now on the floor.

As Harry turned his head to look at his alarm clock he was blinded by the sunlight falling into his room. And oh, that meant it must have been quite late already. He blinked a few times until he could read the numbers on the clock spelling 10.43am. He hadn't slept that long in forever. But then again, he had also never been as worn out as last night. Yeah, Louis definitely knew what he was doing when it came to sex. Harry was so lucky.

And that just kind of hit Harry hard. They'd had sex. Actual sex. Harry couldn't really process that. But it had felt so good and the fact that Louis was still there probably meant Harry hadn't been so bad at it either. That was something. What was he supposed to say to Louis though when he woke up? What were they going to do? Harry had never been in a situation like this before, so he had no idea. But maybe... maybe he shouldn't worry too much. It was Louis, right? And they loved each other. And maybe that was just enough to figure every awkward situation out.

But right now Harry just needed to go to the bathroom and to somehow get Louis' (still amazingly naked) body off of him. He gingerly lifted Louis' arm and put it on his other side, then started shifting around to slowly reach the edge of the bed without waking Louis up. Which he didn't succeed at because he elbowed Louis in the chest and that woke him up. Harry cursed himself.

“Mhhhh, what are you doing?” Louis mumbled into the pillow without looking at him or even just moving, his voice so muffled Harry almost couldn't hear him.

“Just need to go to the bathroom, Lou, and you're kinda... in the way.”

He heard Louis groan. “'M not moving. Lemme sleep.”

Oh, great. So Louis was grumpy in the mornings. Harry should have seen that coming.

“Well, I'm not peeing in the bed, so get off me.”

And with that he just shoved Louis off of him so he could get up. He heard him groan and curse him, but that was about the only reaction he got before Louis curled up in the spot where he had just been lying and went back to sleep. Harry just rolled his eyes. Then he allowed himself one good look of Louis' perfect naked body. His fringe was messy and there were scratches and half moon shaped marks all over his back and shoulder blades. Harry swallowed, but was also a tiny bit proud. He smiled and went to the bathroom.

Once he had relieved himself and brushed his teeth he looked himself over in the mirror. His hair was an absolute mess as every morning, but the further down he went the more he blushed. His neck was scattered with purple love bites, especially the right side, all down to his collarbones. He lifted his hand to trace the line of Louis' teeth with his fingers. It was a strange view, but he definitely liked it. His thighs had marks, too. Right where his stretch marks had been there were now bruises in the shape of fingers with some more love bites in between. The back of his thighs were red, too, they felt sore and as if he'd been sitting on wire wool the entire day. The memory of what had caused it made Harry blush extra hard. If he closed his eyes he could almost still feel Louis' beard scratching his skin. Almost. They definitely needed to do that again. Hopefully Louis wanted to do it again, too.

When Harry walked back to his room, Louis was still lying in the exact same spot where Harry had left him. He sighed. His boyfriend wasn't easy to get out of bed apparently. When he asked him if he wanted to have breakfast, Louis just groaned again and mumbled something indistinctively, so Harry took that as a no. He picked up his clothes that were still lying around on the floor to put them in the hamper and blushed as he found his knickers. They really were ruined, dried stains of come all over them. But at least they had been worth it.

As Harry looked for something to wear he found Louis' pair of boxers he had given him that one night and thought they were perfect. He had just put them on when his phone started ringing. Louis on the bed made a disapproving noise and Harry quickly went to grab his phone from the bed stand, seeing that it was his sister who called. He took his phone with him to the living room and closed the door behind himself before he sat down on the couch and picked up.

But before he could even say something, Gemma was already talking. “Oh God, Harry, finally! Jesus, you never sleep this late! Are you okay? We were worried! I've texted you like a million times already!”

Harry sighed. “Yes, yes, I'm okay. I'm fine. I just, uh, had a long night.”

He could hear Gemma gasp. “Oh, please tell me it has something to do with Louis so I can stop worrying about your broken heart.”

Harry laughed. He thought of Louis still peacefully sleeping in his bed, being an absolute grumpy idiot and yet cute, and decided he was going to be bold today, so he said, “Well, considering the fact he's currently lying naked in my bed I think we really did make up. Thank you again fo–”

But he couldn't even continue because suddenly Gemma let out something like a scream and Harry had to hold his phone further away from his ear. “Oh my God, Harry, are you kidding me? Oh God, I'm kinda grossed out but mostly happy for you! Yes! I knew you two could work it out!”

Harry grinned and shook his head. Gemma was ridiculous, but he loved her so so much. “Thank you. I'll, uh, tell you the details later, okay? I think my phone is about to die and you know, uh...”

“I get it, I get it, yes, sure, go back to your boyfriend asap! Just call me when you can. I love you, baby brother. Although you're definitely a man now as it sounds.”

Harry smiled. “I love you, too. Bye.”

“Bye.”

He hung up and a few seconds later his phone really died. Great. He had forgotten to plug it in last night. But in his defence there had been more important things to do. Just as he thought about the past night again he heard his bedroom door open and Louis came into the room, wearing only his pants. Harry licked his lips and Louis smiled.

“Hey, Curly.”

Harry put his phone away and got up from the couch. “Good morning.”

Louis pulled him in and gave him a kiss, his hands rubbing over his back until they finally settled on his bum, kneading his flesh. Harry whimpered at the firm touch.

“Is someone sore?” Louis teased and gripped him tighter as Harry nodded. “Sorry. But in my defence, you have the most amazing ass.”

Harry chuckled and buried his blushing face in the crook of his neck. “Thank you. So do you.”

Louis grinned. “I've been told that before, yeah.”

They stood like that for a while, just holding each other, before Louis pulled away to say, “I'm so glad I looked for you that day on campus when I found you under the tree.”

Harry frowned. He remembered that day, of course. But... “You looked for me?”

Louis gave him a quick kiss. “Of course I did. How else would I have found you? Uni is big. I stayed after class to look for you.”

And oh. Harry was flattered. No one had ever looked for him for anything. “That's cute. I'm glad you looked for me, too, then.”

As Louis started examining his neck though Harry could see a smirk forming on his face.

“You can be glad I don't have to see my parents the next days, Lou, or else I'd be dead.”

Louis shrugged. “You're an adult, you can do whatever you want. But even if you asked me not to leave them, they look so good on you I don't think I'll ever be able to stop marking you up from now on.” The promise sent shivers down Harry's spine. “So everyone will know who you belong to.”

And oh, that made his cock twitch. He whined, going back to holding Louis tight. Louis just chuckled.

“And you're wearing my boxers, too.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I, uh, still had them and, uh–”

Louis rubbed his back before kissed his cheek and held him tighter. “It's fine. You can keep them if you want. I don't mind.”

Harry smiled. “Thanks.”

“Of course, princess.”

Harry sighed and let Louis hold him for a few more minutes before he asked, “Who called you by the way?”

“Gemma. She, uh, asked why I was still sleeping.”

Louis grinned. “Oh. Did you tell her about me?”

Harry nodded. “Yeah, she was happy that we made up.”

He looked up at him, but instead of returning his smile Louis suddenly had a devilish smirk on his face. He leaned towards Harry's ear, nipped at his earlobe and said, “Did you tell her about what you called me last night? Did you tell her about what you were wearing? Did you tell her about how I told you to get on your hands and knees and then...”

Louis whispered the rest of it into his ear and Harry shuddered. Oh God, his boyfriend was a menace. A menace with a dirty mouth. Harry could feel his cock twitch at his words and the memories. But as fast as he'd started Louis pulled away again, laughing. Harry pouted. He was just about to say something about Louis being an evil tease when he heard his stomach grumble, loud. 

“Let's make breakfast first, yeah?” Louis proposed then and Harry agreed. He would have loved to just stay there in their little bubble hugging his boyfriend forever (or get him back in bed, obviously), but he really was hungry.

He made them pancakes and blushed as Louis praised him and told him how much he loved him. Harry thought he probably just said that because of the pancakes, but it made his heart skip a beat anyway. After breakfast he went to go take a shower. At some point he started singing his favourite song, something he always did when he had a good day, but it didn't take long until he was interrupted by Louis who asked if he could join. Harry hesitated at that, which was obviously stupid. There was nothing to be ashamed of at this point, they'd had sex last night, but it was still a strange feeling being completely naked in front of someone.

Still he let him join and just a minute later Louis was already making him forget about his worries. He started kissing him and touching all his sensitive spots until Harry was a moaning mess, burying his nails in Louis' shoulder blades as Louis slowly let a wet finger slide between his cheeks. Harry pushed back against the touch and started rubbing his quickly hardening cock against Louis thigh.

Louis made an approving noise at that. “Does the princess want to go again?” he asked and Harry nodded quickly, whining as Louis pulled his finger away. “I need words, baby.”

Harry was panting by now, blindly grabbing for the tap to turn the water off so they could take this to the bedroom. Louis helped him and then kissed him deep, the last droplets of water running down their faces.

“Words, princess.”

Harry whimpered. “Yes, yes, I want.” But Louis slapped his bum lightly at that, so he added, “Please.”

“Mh, please what?”

Harry was hard as a rock by now, his mind clouded and fogged like the tiny bathroom window. He just needed Louis again, needed his touches and his voice in his ear and oh, his tongue and fingers and especially his _cock_.

“Please fuck me, Lou.”

He could feel Louis hard against his thigh, too, and he wondered how he could hold out so long, how he could always stay so calm when they did this, could keep his composure when Harry was already being a mess.

“That's not what you call me though, is it, princess? Not right now.”

And oh yeah, yes. It really wasn't a one time thing then? Oh God. He could feel his cock twitch.

So giving Louis one last kiss to his lips he whispered, “Please fuck me, daddy.”

And that made Louis moan, too, and grip his arse hard to lift him up into his arms. He carried Harry to the bedroom, still completely wet, but neither of them cared because the bedsheets were ruined anyway with dark spots of dried lube and pre-come from last night.

Just like the night before Louis made sure to kiss every inch of Harry's skin before he made love to him, to caress the marks all over his body and to whisper sweet words of endearment into his ears. Harry felt so much love for him he wanted to cry. Louis pulled him onto his lap right as he thought he couldn't hold out any longer and then, slow but perfect, he was sinking down onto his cock. Louis held him steady as he moved above him, all messy but more determined than ever, and Louis made him come just as Harry started whispering his name like it was the only word left he knew.

  


*

  


**two months later**

“Lou, we need to leave now! If we miss the train, mum will kill me!”

Louis groaned. “I know! But I can't find my charger!”

Harry sighed. God, Louis was always so messy and chaotic, he never knew where to find his stuff. How hard was it to put his things back where he had taken them from?

Suddenly Zayn was leaning in the doorway, throwing something at Louis. “Found it on the bathroom floor, almost stepped on it. Jesus, mate, one day I might flush your stuff down the toilet if you keep leaving it everywhere.”

And with that Zayn was back inside his room and Louis grinned. “Love you, too, Z! Bye!”

Harry heard Zayn shout something back which he supposed was a goodbye as well, then he opened the door so they could go and get the suitcases into the lift. Harry wanted to help Louis, but he refused.

“No, let me. Just go grab my bag from my bed, please?”

Harry nodded and went to his bedroom. He had to step over a few clothes, some of them his own t-shirts he realised, and an empty pack of crisps before he reached the bed. Harry didn't understand how someone could live like this. Since Louis lived with Zayn and Harry was alone they spent most of their time at Harry's place, but whenever Harry came over he complained about his messy room. For a reason, since he had stepped on a key chain once and actually hurt his foot. But Louis would never listen, way too lazy for that. Harry sighed. What could he do, he loved him anyway.

Just when Harry had grabbed the bag and was about to leave he noticed a magnetic pinboard above his desk. That hadn't been there the last time. There were only three things pinned to it, too, and as Harry came closer he realised what it was. It was the Polaroid picture Louis had taken of him in the park months ago with his dandelion flower crown, laughing as cute Charlie licked his hand (Charlie who Louis and Harry asked to take on a walk every now and again, always getting chocolate in return). He smiled wide. He had totally forgotten about it. His picture of Louis was still on his pinboard obviously and the fact that Louis had kept his for so long was really a sweet gesture.

But there was something else on the pinboard, too, something that looked like tickets and as Harry saw them he grinned even wider. They were two tickets for _The Script_. He had forgotten about those by now as well. Luckily Louis had remembered them. He couldn't wait to see them live with him. Once he was back in the living room he ran towards Louis and kissed him passionately.

Louis chuckled at Harry's eagerness. “You saw them then,” he smiled and Harry nodded. “A little surprise for you getting an A on your first presentation with Niall. I'm so proud of you for speaking in front of all those students.”

“Thank you!” Harry kissed him again, this time slow and chaste, before he added, “And I can't believe you still have that picture of me.”

Louis looked offended. “Excuse me? Are you implying I would ever dare to throw away such a beautiful picture? Plus, you have mine, too.”

Harry smiled. “I know. I'm just surprised. And happy. I love you.”

Louis smiled back before he kissed him again. “I love you, too.”

“And my wish even became true. The one you made me make when I blew on the dandelion.”

Louis let go of Harry to take his bag and grab his keys. “Oh really, what did you wish for, then?”

“You.”

Louis rolled his eyes. “Should have expected you to be such a sap.”

“But it worked!” he said as he left the flat and Louis followed him, closing the door behind them.

Louis shook his head but was smiling at him. “You had me long before that, Curly, you just didn't know it.”

*

“Do you think your mum will like me?” Louis asked eventually as they were on the train an hour later, Harry resting his head on Louis' shoulder, almost asleep.

He yawned. “I think so. You're nice. Gemma will definitely love you.”

Louis seemed pleased. “Good. Because I want them to like me, in case I might end up putting a ring on you so they have to deal with me for the rest of their life.”

Harry blushed and felt Louis take his hand and kiss his ring finger. “I like the colour today, by the way, matches your eyes.”

It took Harry a moment to realise Louis was talking about his nail polish. It was light green and yeah, he supposed it was about the colour of his eyes.

“Thanks,” he said and interlaced their fingers.

He had started wearing nail polish in public. Not often, but Louis always said how proud he was of him when he did. And he knew that if someone came to make fun of him, Louis would protect him. Louis was always there to protect him, to make him feel safe and loved.

Suddenly Harry remembered something about their second meeting and started laughing.

“What?” Louis asked, furrowing his brows.

Harry still smiled. “I just remembered how when we were sitting under that tree you really told me you wouldn't date me because I was a newbie. You said you didn't date newbies.”

Louis grinned at that. “To be fair, I don't date newbies. I only date _one_.”

Harry groaned but couldn't keep the smile off his lips. He rolled his eyes at Louis' bad joke, going back to sleep with his head on his shoulder.

Gemma was waiting for them at the train station and she seemed excited to finally meet Harry's boyfriend. Harry was so happy to see them getting along well from the beginning. They even made fun of a few habits of Harry's, like fixing his fringe whenever he was nervous, even though he had been doing that much less the past weeks. He didn't have half moon shaped marks on his palms anymore, either. He knew Louis didn't like it when he hurt himself, even if just a bit, so whenever he felt the urge to do it, he quickly started thinking about Louis and that calmed him down.

Once they were at the house Louis was really kind to his mum and Robin as well. He'd always been a funny person and he used that to his advantage perfectly, making them all laugh a lot and slowly but surely working his way into their hearts. He kept telling them about how great Harry was and how glad he was to finally meet his family and yeah, Harry thought he was definitely so in love with Louis.

After everyone had gone to bed and only Harry and Louis were left they decided to watch some TV. But nothing interesting was on except for some old footie game that Louis insisted on watching, so Harry was getting bored fast. He was a bit turned on, too, had been ever since he had woken Louis up with a blowjob this morning (which had been the reason for them being a bit late). So instead of sitting there quietly watching telly, he climbed into Louis' lap to kiss him and started grinding on his clothed cock.

Louis seemed to welcome the distraction, wrapping his arms around him and kissing him back. But once he licked over Harry's lips he pulled back, frowning. “You taste of strawberry,” he stated and Harry blushed, nodding. “How can you taste of strawberry?”

Harry's hands were running over Louis' chest as he answered, “Well, when I went to the bathroom I saw mum's lipstick and I remembered how I still have some lip gloss in my old room and I thought I'd just use it again. I can take it off if you don't like it.”

Louis kissed him again, making sure to suck his bottom lip into his mouth before he let go of him to say, “No no, it's fine, princess, it's perfect. It was just a surprise. You've never worn lip gloss before.”

Harry buried his face in the crook of his neck, nipping at his skin. “Well, I have, just not with you.”

“Oh, alright then.” Louis' hands wandered under his shirt and he started caressing his back, peppering his shoulder with kisses. “If you like it, then I like it, too.”

Harry smiled. Being with Louis was so easy, so amazing. He never judged Harry for anything he wanted to try or do, always supported him no matter what, always made him feel safe and loved. Harry wanted to give him so much back for that. Which is why today he had worn a special pair of knickers, new ones that were black and spelled _Yes, Daddy?_ in pink letters on the back. He couldn't wait for Louis to see them. But for that he needed to get him to his room and in bed, so he went back to grinding on Louis fast, whimpering into his ear and making sure to touch Louis in all the right spots.

After a while Louis' hips started bucking up involuntarily and he gripped Harry's love handles hard to keep him from moving. Harry whined, but Louis just chuckled before he sucked a bruise into his favourite spot on Harry's neck and said, “At least let me take you to bed first if you want to have sex while your mum, her boyfriend _and_ your sister are in the house.”

Louis' hands found his bum and Harry sighed as he felt two fingers slip beneath his pants, teasing him. He was so hard by now, dripping in his pretty knickers, and he could feel that Louis was ready to go, too. So he scrambled off his lap.

“Yes, daddy,” he smiled as he was up, earning a firm slap on his arse for it before they went up to his room.

Harry climbed on the bed as soon as the door was closed, but instead of getting on top of him as Harry thought he would Louis spotted something on his desk and suddenly started laughing.

“Oh, is it Christmas already?” he wondered and Harry followed his gaze to... oh yeah, his piggybank.

“What's so funny about it?” he asked, a little bit annoyed that Louis wasn't paying him attention and instead started ruining the mood.

But Louis just grinned. “It's a smiling pig in a red Santa outfit wishing Merry Christmas. What's _not_ funny about that?”

Harry wanted to scream. Great. This had been supposed to be a very forbidden passionate sexy night in his old teenage bed, but now Louis was laughing over a stupid Christmas present. He wanted to complain about it, but he didn't even get far before Louis was kneeling above him on the bed, not in the slightest amused anymore, instead staring down at him with a disapproving look. It shut Harry up pretty effectively.

“Don't rush me, princess. You know I don't like it when you rush our playtime.”

Harry swallowed. “Sorry, daddy.”

That made Louis' face soften. “It's okay, baby. But you really just have to let me make fun of your room. It's the only fun I have spending four days with your family. I like them, but it keeps me from making you scream like I love to.” To punctuate his words he gripped Harry's cock through his jeans, hard, and Harry let out a moan. Louis then pinned his arms down, kissing him deep and filthy. “So stay still and quiet now, princess. I know what you want and you'll get it, but only if you're being a good boy for me. Can you do that?”

Harry nodded and relaxed, sighing as Louis slowly started to undress him. There was no shame in him anymore, no worries as Louis gradually bared more and more skin. Instead Harry writhed under his attention, his appreciative look. And then, as Louis finally got to Harry's new knickers, even he let out a low moan and suddenly every intention of keeping Harry quiet was thrown out the window. ([x](https://ibb.co/n37V2H)) Instead Harry ended up with Louis' fingers in his mouth to suck on and muffle his sounds as Louis shoved his beautiful knickers aside and slowly, oh so slowly took him apart piece by piece, just like he had done so so many times before.

**Author's Note:**

> Now, I hope you enjoyed reading the story. I don't know if it made you cry and obviously I don't want to hurt you, but if you cried reading it please tell me. Because that shows I've reached my goal: making you feel something. I hope I was able to do that with this story.
> 
> Also remember: I wrote a sequel to this story, which can be found by clicking [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16275995).
> 
> If you want to talk to me about the fic or Larry or anything at all, hit me up on Instagram (@hxrrysangel) or twitter (@hxrrysangel_). I'd love to speak with you. :)
> 
> Again, thank you so incredibly much for reading. I owe you. As an author I would be nowhere without you, so thank you for reading and for every kudo and comment and subscription. I love you.
> 
> Have an amazing rest of the day, sweetcheeks. You deserve it. <3


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